(Not-So-) Guilty Summer Secrets

It is my sincerest wish that every last one of you imagines that I read "The Economist" and Dickens in my spare time, when I'm not otherwise expanding upon my extensive knowledge of opera and East Asian microfinance.

Alas, when left to my own summertime leisure devices (or any -time, for that matter), my tastes are admittedly a bit more, shall we say, pedestrian. Less "New York Times", more "US Weekly", if you will. That is to say, completely sketchy.

Having spent last summer engaged in the business of keeping a newborn and myself alive (which often seemed like mutually exclusive tasks), my leisure time was exclusively engaged in honing the art of napping. Oh, what a promiscuous napper - napper, I said; remove your minds from the gutter, pleaseandthankyou - I was, wantonly sleeping wherever & whenever I could.

Happily, this summer I find myself with a bit more sleep and time in which to get back to the business of the season. Though geography and mom duty prevent me from my beloved tradition of burning myself to a crisp by the ocean, other habits, such as my beachy reading, live on.

Here's what's on my summer 2011 bad habits list:

On the Pretty Trashy Bookshelf:

Let me preface this by clarifying that, at this very moment, I'm engaged in my annual "Pride & Prejudice" re-read. No, really. Pinky swear.


But - after I finish with that actual capital "L" Literature, I'm moving on - or down - to these:

Yes, young adult fiction (albeit by the Fug Girls) - because apparently I'm an adolescent both in maturity level & reading preference. (Photo Credit: Amazon)

I know, I know. But - pretty royal wedding pictures! Tabloid sludge! What's not to enjoy here? Photo credit: Amazon

In the Pretty Wine Fridge:

Because Pretty HQ is equipped with a wine fridge as befits a couple of card-carrying yuppies - who also belong to a wine club. Because that isn't First World privileged person behavior if I've ever heard of it.

Anywhoodle, as I learned over on the Waspy Redhead's lovely blog yesterday, I should probably be posting this sort of thing on "Wine Wednesdays"instead. Being timely isn't on my list of guilty pleasures, however, so I'm bringing you my summer favorite here:

Pacific Rim Columbia Valley Riesling, which I first learned of from reader, BFF & wine connoisseur, the International Woman of Mystery.

Here's what I know about wine, despite my yuppie credentials: (1) what I like and (2) what I don't like. So I won't bore you with "it has a note of this" blah blah & will leave it at this - it tastes expensive but isn't. Should run you $12-14 a bottle. Pairs well with trashy books. Speaking of...


In the Pretty Closet:

I finally did it. I Pippa'd:

This bag is classic, elegant, and big enough to store at least one trashy book. Plus, it's a purchase largely inspired by (trashy, needless to say) celeb magazine reading, so this otherwise high class closet entry is getting a hall pass to guilty summer pleasureland in my checkbook.


Am I missing anything in this trashy book/wine/fashion trifecta?

Easing Into Reality . . .

For those of us doing the job thing (or, nowadays, fortunate enough to have a job thing), let's all take a moment of silence to commisserate over the suckiness that was going back to work today:

(((pause)))

As us laboring sorts unite in our self-pity, I hope you'll forgive my easing slowly from nattering on about my beachy vacation into my usual delusions of grandeur and self-importance. After all, a girl can't just jump from poolside bliss to Judging Other People, from 0 to 60, overnight. Except that I so totally can, but am trying to Keep Up Appearances here. Thank you for your understanding.

In any event, an email chat with the original Retail Ninja, SLynnRo, got me thinking about the oft-colorful experience of being an American abroad. On my recent adventure, "abroad" = "sitting as still as possible in a Baja paradise", so I only speak from my particular poolside perch here.

As a Southern Californian by nurture and nature, it is my particular birthright to speak with innate authority on two subjects - cosmetic surgery (*not* that I've had any yet - truly - nor do I plan to yet) and appropriate poolside / beachy decorum. I imagine this is much like you Manhattan types hold the floor on sample sales & you Chicagoans can speak to abject political corruption.

In any event, I know these guidelines are redundant amongst my most attractive, intelligent, and genteel readers. Since I've got my complaining tiara on anyways, here are the Pretty Top 5 Rules for How Not to Represent Self and Country (USA) While in Beachy Paradise Abroad:* **
*Yes, yes - there are some very serious problems happening in the world right now which might - might - trump beachy rules in the grand scale of things. I hear those nice folks over at CNN cover that sort of thing.

**If you suspect I'm writing about this only to avoid talking AGAIN about Those Books Pretty Won't Shut Up About, you might be right. Look, I'm trying here. Thank you again for your understanding.

Rule 5 - Make out conspicuously in the pool/ocean, either while in full view of other patrons and/or in the same body of water as them. Because the ocean view princess suite you booked simply isn't sufficient to contain the intense flames of your poolside passion.

Rule 4 - If you are in a country where the primary language is not English, speak English in a loud, condescending to the resort staff and become irrationally irritated with them for not then understanding you.***
***Ask me how I feel about this one if a proposed Asia trip comes to fruition. I'm beseeching you to have a short memory here. Loveyoumeanitlater.

Rule 3 - Men and women alike, wear as much flashy jewelry poolside as possible. The more diamonds, the better. After all, isn't it a swell idea to advertise how much money you have while abroad?

Rule 2 - While you're speaking English, God's Chosen Language, say it loud and proud - at least two decibels above your comfortable "inside voice". If you see us flinch, that means we can't hear you yet.

Rule 1 - Ladies, please use your new Goyard tote or LV Damier Canvas hobo as your (sand filled, sunscreen spewed, pina colada drenched) pool tote. See Rule 3 above, then proceed to my lounge and deposit offending bag with me.

Lovelies, anything I'm missing here?

Dude Detox, aka Fantasy Handbag Shopping

Despite the daintily feminine appearance here at the Pretty, I do love the occasional bout of being one of the guys, and this weekend was no exception. In fact, it was so exceedingly testosterone-and-football laden that I now find myself dazedly glued to the couch here at Pretty HQ, stuffed to the gills with residual libations and fried goodness, desperately seeking a return to the feminine normal. And to erase some of the more distressing guy conversations from the weekend, but I fear a cure surely involves additional libations, and I'm seeking a non-alcoholic cure to that which ails me (as well as a much-needed end to my run-on sentences. My apologies to any Grammar Queens amongst us.)

To further my girly cause, I've fashioned a fortress comprised of "In Style" and "Town & Country" issues and superduperdelicious cupcakes (more on these later) and am considering throwing some, ahem, FPs on top for good measure - just picture a slightly more stylish, tasty take on the refrigerator box fort you used to make in your backyard as a kid, and you'll get the idea - but I'm finding that a bit of fantasy retail therapy is also in order to ensure the boys will keep away for a bit.

And so I bring you my fall 2008 lineup of Fantasy Handbags, a lineup of classic purses so extraordinarily beyond the Pretty Budget that there is no risk of my actually ordering them. Nay, much like an ethereal, captivating work of art, I merely enjoy basking in their beauty and knowing that they exist somewhere in the world. I would of course be even more overjoyed if they existed in MY world, but at least they are distracting me from conversations about bodily fluids or the AP Rankings . . . so without further ado:

(credit: Bergdorf Goodman via Flickr)

Tod's Dokt Tote. Love the prim outline in the interesting color as well as the totally useless yet wonderful key fob thingy. Not unlike the Kelly bag (WHICH I WILL OWN ONE DAY IF THE UNIVERSE CARES ONE WHIT ABOUT ME. Sigh.), no?

(credit: Bergdorf Goodman via Flickr)

YSL Majorelle Tote. I've decided the logo-y "Y" actually stands for "Y doesn't the Universe put this in Pretty's Christmas stocking post haste?" and is therefore acceptable (and looks removable to boot). Otherwise, faboo color & again with the prim, classic silhouette.

(credit: Bergdorf Goodman via Flickr)

Valentino Side-Bow Duffle. Once again, I'm besotted with the bow, particularly this irreverent, sideways one in the rich black patent.

[credit: Business Week (??) via Flickr]

I'm officially (late) on the Goyard bandwagon.

Lovelies, what are your fall fantasy handbags?

Perhaps We Should Re-Name This Blog "I Pick Target"

Lovelies, while on our daily latest walk around the Target website, we happened upon an intriguing development:

(credit: Target)

Behold the cashmere turtleneck dress from Mr. Mizrahi himself, for $99. We're a bit perplexed - we go to Target expressly so we can buy at least 20 things for $99, not one. For budget cashmere, we head to J. Crew or the Ann Taylor post-Christmas sales. On the other hand, as card carrying members of the Cashmere Cabal, the thought of $99 cashmere has us a bit lightheaded. Can any of you dolls confirm or deny the worthiness of these new dresses?

In other designer Target news, and as first brought to you by The Preppy Princess here and SLynnRo (in one of her nifty new writing projects) there, we had the opportunity to investigate the Anya Hindmarch line in person today. We've grown leery of the "designer" Target bag lines, having been disappointed in the *cough*Botkier*cough* past, but Ms. Hindmarch doesn't disappoint:

(credit: Target)

By far, this is the best detailing we've seen on a Target designer bag line; this one has the cutesy Hindmarch bow logo, little gold feet (a rare but much appreciated treat on a bargain bag), lovely faux-python detailing outside, and even cute lining inside. Will you mistake it for a $2,000 bag? No - it does have a bit of that PVC sheen to it - but at $44.99, it's truly adorable for an everyday bag.

So what to make of these "luxury discount" products - a wonderful way to make good products accessible to the mere mortals, or a way for Target to sneak prices up on us? As a member of, well, the mere mortal team with a budget and stuff, we like to think it's the former - what do you think? Aside from that The Pretty ought to spend a wee bit less time at Target, that is?
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For a blogette that professes to know a thing or three about etiquette - or at least a predilection for lecturing people about it - I've shown an appalling lack of same here for the kind awards bestowed on me by my pretty, witty, lovely readers. So I hereby send a belated apology and thank you, Preppy Little Dress, for the "Smile Award". If I've forgotten anyone else in regards to similar honors, please drop me a note so I can give you credit. Thank you again!