My Side of the Sandbox

With thanks to the brilliant and badass Coconut Diaries, who inadvertently inspired this post & thereby provided yet another example of why I should call this blog "I Pick Other People's Ideas".

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"I just want to spend more time with couples who have kids," complained an acquaintance of mine recently - this after the (kid-free) Anonymous Husband and I had driven no short distance to spend time with her and her husband.

The thing is, I understood where she's coming from (once I recovered from the social gaffe, that is).

Once upon a playground, our friends were simply that - the people we liked, who all fell under one happy circus tent labeled "friend". We didn't categorize "the swingset friends" or the "Cabbage Patch- appreciative friends" as discrete entities, with never the twain shall meet. It could be the champagne has fizzled my memory, but looking back, I'm struck with just how much easier it was to distinguish the Good Guys (Gals) vs. the bullies, and that was the only pertinent distinction.

Of course, as we get older things get logistically sticky - if we're lucky, we figure out the stuff we like (and meet "friends I like to argue with"), pick a job accordingly ("law school friends"), and pair off ("couples friends"), but none of this figuring out comes with a translation guide to friendships that try to transcend those artificial lines. Woe unto the person (ie, me) who throws a party with all of the above friends & expects social magic to commence.

Instead, when it comes to making new friends in this post-sandbox era, I find myself inexplicably wanting to meet people who have checked the same life boxes - partnered up? check. professional? check. wants kids? check - without understanding why. Is it to somehow justify the life decisions I've made? Or is it also, as I suspect, more a matter of practicality? The moms I meet can't just meet for a last-minute happy hour, and I'm not yet interested in playdates unless they involve David Beckham and, well, no one else.*

*Love you, AH!

These invisible boundaries don't apply so much to those lifelong friends. In my set, we're all ambling around various stages of singledom or motherhood, etc., and it hasn't affected our closeness. Rather, it's with the newbies - the friend dating stage of life I'm now in - where I'm finding it a challenge, from both sides of the issues.

What does your side of the sandbox look like? Do you think this is a natural, good thing, or do you miss the earlier, simpler days?

The "Couples Friends" Interview

On a slightly different note than excellent, yet vodka-inducing movies . . . one of the many splendored things I've come across in my impressive two years as a Smug Married newlywed is the heightened importance of couples friends. This isn't to say that the inclination or practice wasn't there during the dating years, just that there is a mysterious new sense of both joint effort and interest as the Anonymous Husband and I attempt to meet people together in our new town. To a certain extent, friends are friends are friends, but I've also found that there is a slightly different set of qualifications for Couples Friends than for those people unfortunate enough to spend time with me individually.

Please raise your hand if any of the following sounds familiar in your initial Couples Friends thought-processes:

- Do I like her ("Girl")? Enough that if the Boy & the AH leave for a joint bar trip, I won't fly into a secret panic over what to talk to Girl about?
- Do I like him ("Boy")? Can he do enough sports /business talk to keep AH entertained, but talk enough, um, interesting stuff to please me?
- Seriously, what do I have to do to get a margarita here?
- Oooh, look at her handbag. If Boy bought that for her, perhaps he can talk the AH into doing the same for me?
- Does the sound of Boy & Girl interacting as a couple irritate me to the point that a night doing taxes / watching LiLo movies / purchasing LiLo leggings (knee pads included!) sounds better? Minus 2 additional points if PDA levels appear high.
- OK, the margarita???
- Will the existence of babies (them) or lack thereof (us) make or break this?
- How likely is this to evolve into a board game night sort of friendship? And if I confess that I might actually be OK with that, does that immediately make me ancient?**
- MAR-GAR-ITA, MAR-GAR-ITA (now pounding fork and knife on table in time with chant)
**I am a little kickass at Trivial Pursuit & Connect Four. Not to brag or anything.

You'll be disappointed to know that I do not actually carry a checklist & clipboard to these dinners. However, a girl has to have some degree of people-watching fun . . . since I am now deprived of my favorite southern California observational pastime, cougar hunting, Texas couples are hereby on notice . . .

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Many thanks and unicorns-and-rainbows style feelings of delight go to two bloggers who've honored the Pretty recently on their fine blogs:

- News Readin Wife, who, if we ever have the good fortune to meet, I suspect would quickly qualify as both Couples Friend and Friend Friend.

- Christine, a sweet new addition to the blog world & fellow lady lawyer.

Merci!