It's Friday I'm in Love: Shoes Ed.

His n' hers new shoes: his are cuter, but mine are running a close second...

Anatomy of a Handbag Justification

Step 1: Denial - "Ooh, that handbag is To Die For and would obviously be the final step in making me a fulfilled woman of substance, but I need to stick to my monthly shopping budget. Plus, look at that waitlist. I don't need it. Moving on."

Step 2: Anger - "I hate being old and responsible and having things like budgets. I miss the Singleton days when my biggest worries were making it to Constitutional Law (I didn't) and scraping together the pennies to buy my first Coach (I did). Being a grown-up - notwithstanding what I just said here - sucks."

Step 3: Bargaining -  "Who says I need groceries for the rest of the month? Won't it help me with the Operation MILF project if I spent that money on a Pretty Purse instead? And if I'm a Grace Kelly-style mom, that only benefits the Anonymous Husband. And think of the children - never mind the one I'm presumably responsible for feeding!"

Step 4: Depression - "Why can't I look nice and be Grace Kelly-style MILF of substance and keep my family in groceries? Now that I'm out of the Hurricane Newborn phase and can do things like leave the house with an attractive bag, don't I deserve to? Clearly this purse will complete me, and it will never be mine if I don't order it rightthisverysecond. Wah." 

Step 5: Acceptance - "Give in & get handbag as soon as next month's budget allows - or the formidable waitlist, at least. Because we've had enough of this acting adult stuff for one week."

Photo Credit: Marie Claire UK

S

*With thanks to blogger Sparrows & Sparkles, whose review convinced me that this Pippa bag by Modalu - yes, named for that Pippa who made this bag & shapely rear ends popular - is worthy enough to trot down the Kubler-Ross path of purse acceptance.

The Empress Has No Clothes - And You Should See Her Shoes

I am a hypocrite.

I don't mean that in the sense of the little white lies and pleasantries we (in the royal "We" sense of the term) tell ourselves to get through the day. I mean it in the sense of encouraging you to avoid certain life catastrophes, while I barrel headfirst towards the same.

I should have known better. I shouldn't have headed to the mall after a frustrating week at work, tired and cranky and with a grumbling tummy. Just like going to the grocery store on an empty stomach, such a journey is destined to end badly.

And so it was last Friday afternoon, when I fell prey to the lure of the shoe department and a smoothly charming salesman who caught a whiff of my Eau de Annoyance and struck accordingly. As if in a dream, I found myself handing over my credit card, uncertain yet chanting inwardly, "I am fierce, I am fashion forward, I am . . ."

. . . a disco gladiator diva?!?"

Sigh. WHERE to begin with the problems in this photo . . .

1) My Fashion Fatwah on all things gladiator or gladiator inspired (with limited exceptions, but not this one);

2) Combining multiple trends - metallic! cork platforms! gladiator straps! exposed zippers! - all in one gilded package, hence shortening an already wee trend shelf life;

3) Paying full retail for a trendy item; these utterly fail the Price Per Wear Test;

4) This is money that could be spent for a good cause, like this or other vitally important matters like the "splurge", classic heels I am saving up to buy.

I mean, I'm a shift-wearing, lady lawyering member of the Junior League, forchrissakes. While that doesn't de facto doom me to a life of sensible twinsets - a girl needs to step outside of her fashion boundaries every now and again - it does mean that this is exactly the type of look that would wear me, and not the other way around. Some of you could and should pull this look off without a second thought, whereas I would attempt it & inevitably feel awkward the entire night. Self-conscious isn't a good look no matter what the shoe.

So back to Nordstrom I went, retail tail between my legs, to return the shoes. I'd say that I've learned my lesson & won't be issuing Fashion Fatwahs again, but we all know that's ridiculous because being judgmental is too fun. Besides, what fun are these fashion rules if we can't break them every now and again? I just won't do it at the expense of the PPW Test - nor will I shop again without a nap & a snack first, because I'm apparently no more than an overgrown kindergartner with an AmEx.

Feel free to flog me in the comments for flouting my own standards*. Can you forgive me, darlings?

*As well as for assaulting you with alliteration. And assonance, as it turns out. "Assonance" - heh heh heh.

Target Shoes: The Good and the Fug

I could start this post off with a cringe-worthy "Let's get this week started on the right foot!" pun, but I am not that lame.  Most of the time.  Really.

I'll just go ahead and begin, then, by admitting that on my daily latest Target trip, what began as an innocent paper towel excursion ended up in the shoe section.  I have no excuse save the siren call that is the patent stiletto:

I bring you the Mossimo Valonia Pump, available in blue and black.  Longtime readers know my Target Sniff Test;  due to the heinous quality of Target's online photos and occasional in-person quality issues, I try to only recommend that which I've personally inspected on my daily latest adventures.  These pass my TST;  they look far more expensive than they are, and the blue ones in particular are a rich, azure color in person.  If These Difficult Times interfere with my plans to invest in the red shoes of hotness, I will be purchasing these excellent alternatives.

On the other end of the shoe spectrum, I hate to disappoint the more preptastic amongst you, but the recent Miss Trish of Capri collection is . . . um, it does not pass the TST.  Admittedly, this line has always been a bit Palm Beach prepalicious for this Banana Republican, California sort of girl.  However, in the interest of blog reporting - and spending more time in the shoe department - I decided to investigate:

Bejeweled turtles? Cheap-looking pleather?  Insane wedges?  Most un-Pretty.  

Wishing a well-shod, wonderful week to you all . . .

In Which I Abandon All Pretense of Substance & Talk Shoes

(Credit:  Stuart Weitzman)

These are red.  These are shiny. These are splurge-worthy, yet do not cost an actual mortgage payment like those intergalactic beauties.  My mother would not approve*.  Maybe these are coming with me to Vegas . . . 

*Although she intentionally wears Tevas and Crocs - ! - so I think we can lovingly agree that her vote is disqualified.  

Happy weekend & pretty shoes to you all.

Gone Shoppin'

(Because by now you've probably deduced that the usual "Gone Fishin'" doesn't apply here. I prefer my peaceful views of water to be accompanied by a lounge chair, trashy magazines excellent book, and swim-up bar.)

Pretty Headquarters is temporarily relocating for a fantastic mini-break full of: (1) if you ask me, a long weekend of Varsity-level shopping, theater-going, and wining and dining (to include the best hot chocolate ever for which I once traipsed across the Park and oh was it so worth it YUM YUM YUM); or (2) if you ask the anonymous husband, football-watching and wining-dining.

So I'm off to act like a silly tourist and simply enjoy spending time with the truly wonderful AH and avoid my computer and plan plan planning my life, all the while remembering to be grateful for these times that he and I have right now; speaking of, thank you, readers, for your nice comments to that post. And while we're on the subject of nice, I hope you all have a truly excellent weekend and fun Halloween.

PS - For those of who concerned about HRH Pug's welfare - and why wouldn't you be, given the landmine strewn Danger Zone (cue the Kenny Loggins song) he apparently lives in . . . he is staying here with his Staff, much as I'd prefer to bring him with and go traipse around the Plaza (which in my imagination is just as it once was) Eloise style . . .

(credit: Wikipedia)

Important Weekend Announcement

As our glorious weekend in the hinterlands of southern California draws to a close, we must announce our immediate, semi-permanent retirement from the following:

Smarmy, self-reverent musical theater

Highly recommended if you are eager to upset yourself or loved ones. However, it must be said that (1) we had a hugely enjoyable time just going to the theater, not to mention making fun of it and (2) the music itself is pretty good, if you can ignore absolutely everything else about it.

Eating

"The Only Burger I Will Ever Truly Love"

(credit: Palate Revolution)

Shopping

(credit: Saks)

Also credit to Retail Ninja SLynnRo, who kindly brought to our attention an incredible deep discount site featuring, amongst other deals, this Tibi dress we've been Jedi-mind-trick willing to go on sale. If you whisper sweet nothings in the comments, we might even tell you the site - and/or stop talking about ourselves in the royal "we", if you're exceptionally nice.

(credit: Saks)

Also credit to the BF Committee, without whom we may have overlooked this MARC gem entirely.

**Important Exception**

(credit: Citysearch)

We will still accept any and all kind invitations to this club and scheme to gain membership by whatever means possible. Work hard, Anonymous Husband!

Due to our semi-retirement, which is effective immediately, we hereby announce that we're just going to have to find something to talk about for the time being aside from our favorite subjects - eating, shopping, and smarmy, self-reverent musical theater. Just as soon as we determine what on Earth that might be, we'll be back in touch.

Double-Double Weekend

We hereby announce our early blogging departure this week as Pretty HQ temporarily relocates to our hometown, land of the preternaturally blonde and tan. We are of course looking forward to visiting friends, the beach, and temperatures under 100 degrees, not necessarily in that order, but we also confess intention to pursue a few other areas of interest:

Eating

(credit: In n' Out)

Behold the only fast-food burger I will ever truly love. I am an unabashed homer about this and will entertain absolutely no objections - I'm looking at you, Whataburger - in regards to same.

(credit: Palate Revolution)
It's a fish taco, darlings. Not a feature in most Tex-Mex restaurants, unfortch, so I suggest you hurry out to the lower Left Coast and try one sometime.

You may be picking up on a food theme here, and you would be right. If I weren't so incredibly vain - er, concerned about Anonymous Husband's happiness, that is - I'd drown myself in chocolate (preferably from here) post haste. Happily, the AH shares my love of good food, so I have a companion doing hateful things like exercise between meals. Obvs. these rules do not apply while one is on vacation, when we - ahem, I, - in addition to gorging myself, prefer to be doing things like . . .

Shopping (duh)

. . . Emergency Handbag Shopping. Alarmingly, we've just learned that Junior League starts up much sooner than expected. So in (not-at-all dissimilar) manner of shy high school freshman praying her wardrobe will work social magic, I'm off to my hometown mall to replace my battle worn everyday tote, perhaps with one of the following:

(credit: Shopbop.com)

(credit: Saks)

Blatantly Attempting to Gain Reader Love

Calling all Banana Republicans, here's a discount code: 15% off $150 or more, enter PQVQ8K2CP8G1 at online checkout. The fall collection is largely adorable, so if I didn't have the EHS shopping to do, I'd be using this myself.

Wishing everyone a happy weekend . . .