Coach - Old Favorites from an Old Favorite?

(Photo Credit: Racked)

Some fashion, like exes, are best left in the past. Shiny, new, and exciting though they were at the time, you have different needs now as a Mature, Thoughtful Woman of Substance.

(Stop laughing.)

But while we're on the subject of reliable and classic, if not the most fashion forward, bags this week, an Invisible Internet Friend alerted me to the exclusive sale of Coach "classic" bags on Net-a-Porter, effective today.

Lovelies, I'm torn. In theory, I'm beyond thrilled that the brand, my first true handbag love after a one-off fling with Dooney & Bourke in high school, is bringing back the staples it built its once-impressive name on. I've spent years alternatively waiting for this to happen and belittling them for their style turn from TDF to TTFW.

In practice . . . too little, too late? Not to beat the ex analogy to death, but - sometimes a change for the better takes so long to occur, that you're Just Not That Into Them anymore. Despite the sorta questionable celeb connection and despite my having mentioned this eleventy hundred times already, I recently Pippa'd and have found myself more interested in discovering new, slightly more innovative bags & brands along those lines lately.

Torn as I am, I do find these two new/old Coach options tempting...

Photo Credit: Net-a-Porter

"Field Bag" - again, not going to set the fashion world afire, but then, it isn't meant to. Elegant, practical, yes.

Photo Credit: Net-a-Porter

"Small Leather Shoulder Bag": If the streets of Austin are any indication, this cross-body bag style is still very much a Thing, so this gets those rare, classic-trendy double-double points. It's too small for this snacks n' sippycups toting mom, but at $300 might be just the thing for a very nice graduation gift (to someone else or yourself - I of course being a big fan of self-bag giving).

What say you, fashion enablers? Feels like the first time, or too little (and too much $$) late for Coach to recover?

I Pick . . . Coach?!?

Enough with the sentiment, let's talk about stuff!

There is a time when every honest woman must admit when she's wrong.  Happily, I am not that sort of woman.  Nonetheless, I will admit that my former handbag honey, Coach, might - might - have heard our numerous complaints. Take a look at the following work-appropriate, neutral bags & just try to suppress the urge to golf clap . . . no, really, I'm being serious . . .

"Parker Leather Large Convertible Hippie"

"Parker Leather Riley Tote"

"Penelope Shopper"

(Credit all photos:  Coach)

These are tasteful. These are not $800 a piece.  The logo-ing is minimal.  They don't look like something the local teenage strumpet might be sporting while cruising the mall.

Don't get me wrong;  Coach is still peddling the bespangled, be-logoed, multi-colored nightmares too, but this is promising. I'm not leaving Camp Marc Jacobs yet, but still - not bad. Should we get the slow, tentative round of applause started up?

Important, Special Follow-Up of Important Specialness to Important, Special Note to Coach

MEMORANDUM

To:  Pretty, Witty Readers

cc:  Coach Intergalactic HQ du Tacky

From:  Legallyblondemel, Pretty HQ

Date:  March 22, 2009

____________________________________________________________________

Sweethearts, I'm here to share some encouraging news with you! It appears that my old favorite handbag slinger, Coach, has taken heed of our public laments and find themselves just as amused by their recent, logo-fied craptasticness as we have been:

(Credit:  Coach)

Look, they're even laughing at themselves, so vile has the situation become!  I mean, surely this is the only explanation for an insult to fashion - a $358 insult, no less - like this?  

Oh, Coach, if you're going to go down in a burning, tragic heap of flames, I hugely appreciate that you apparently have a sense of humor about it.  After all, if we can't laugh at ourselves . . . now if only I myself could get away with charging $358 for each time . . . 

Smootches,

Legallyblondemel,

Pretty HQ

Important, Special Note to Coach

Pretty Headquarters

123 Princess Grace Way

Principality of Monaco, via Austin, Texas

September 28, 2008

Coach Intergalatic Headquarters
456 Jumping the Shark Street
New York City, NY 100-Oh-No

Dear Coach:

A first love dies hard. Thus, although we're certainly not the first to point out your* recent Crimes Against Design, we feel compelled to add our saddened, betrayed voice to the mix. *Just to clarify, we're addressing "Coach" as in the handbag line, the one we now suspect is named after the economy airline class due to our commensurate levels of customer dissatisfaction with each, vs. someone who trains athletes.

It was 2002, across a Lincoln Park bar while visiting Chicago friends, when we spied our first Coach bag love. It was a small, classic, black canvas over-the-shoulder number that cost $128 dollars - a princely sum at any time, far more than we'd ever paid for a bag. So enamored were we, however, that we scrimped and Top Ramen-ed our student budget way to ownership of said lovely purse and wore it with such pride for many years. It sits in our closet still, a bittersweet reminder of elegant times past.

And then . . . then came The Logo. Because the growing popularity of the brand was apparently insufficient, You felt the need to remind us at Each. And. Every. Frapping. Opportunity. just exactly who designs Your bags. In case the 13-year-old at the mall now purchasing your wares has gone myopic and is thus unable to view the bag designer from Saturn's outer rings.

So although we get our hopes up every now and again with something quite lovely you've conjured up, like this:

(credit: Coach via Flickr)

Simple, utilitarian, only one (removable) logo tag, in our favorite Hitchcock blonde-worthy red . . . but at $898, we'll just save up to buy another brand of "C", courtesy of friend Karl Lagerfeld.

Granted, you still sell the classic workbags and such here, but we would never know it from the few times we've found ourselves in one of your stores recently. Nay, on those underwhelming occasions - to be less whelmed, we'd have to be mid-algebra class - we're far more likely to encounter something along these lines:

(credit: Coach via Flickr)

Let's take a tally of The Logo, shall we?

1. Fabric pattern, the color scheme & graphic pattern of which wouldn't be bad absent the ubiquitous "C"s.
2. The cursive "Coach" written mid-bag; see the ligher colored, backwards "C".
3. Gold horsey thingy with written "Coach" on black patent piece near handles & top of bag.
4. Gold tag thingy hanging from handle, Part 1.
5. Black tag thingy hanging from handle, Part 2.
6. ANOTHER gold tag thingy hanging from handle, Part 3.

Coach, we're admittedly terrible at math, but by our count that equals 6 separate brand mentions. Handy if we're attempting to send Morse Code messages involving the letter "C" to passing jets, or perhaps as a festive prop on a "Sesame Street" alphabet sketch, but maybe a tad excessive otherwise?

To conclude, we'll still be watching you from afar, Coach, ever hopeful for a return to, um, taste. After all, despite our icily cool appearnce, we're admittedly struggling to forget our first handbag love so quickly. Hope is fading apace, however . . . not as quickly as we hope the nightmare that is the "Graphic Op Art Large Sabrina" above erases itself from our memory, but consider us a close second.

Snootily Yours,


Legallyblondemel, Pretty HQ

PS - Important Note to Readers: We realize that we're a bit hypocritical in our Logo targeting; see our beloved Tory sandals, for example. For some not terribly well-thought-out reason, we find the Burch logo-ing to be different, as we also do with the occasional, discreet appearance of the wee Lacoste creature or Polo pony (although the latter is really Pushing It as of late). And it's Our Blog, so there. As our policy position develops on the issue, we'll continue to update you. Thank you for your understanding.