This is the post I've been dreading writing for a long while, too.
As my Twitter peeps already know, I am - ta-da! - with child:
|Photo at 21 weeks - slightly more than halfway and already sporting a double chin / still wildly uncomfortable in front of a camera|
I'm ecstatic. (Duh.)
I'm still in shock, given the fertility fight it took to get here. I really mean that "shock" bit . . . I often find myself wandering into the soon-to-be-nursery, gazing at the growing collection of impossibly teeny-tiny girl clothes, wondering how it is that I get to do this.
I'm . . . round-the-clock eating my (skyrocketing) weight in sugary carbs.
I'm also freaked out, to use the scientific phrase, by the impending challenge of wrangling two children at once, on top of the no-sleep-sanity-optional Hurricane Newborn normal. I worry about my ability to raise a baby girl when I have a complex mother-daughter kinda-sorta relationship myself.
I'm doing my best to balance all of the above by shopping for those teeny-tiny girl clothes and blowing up Pinterest with nursery design inspiration (read: HELLO, nesting hormones!).
It's a funny thing, going public with a pregnancy after having shared my struggle to get here. As utterly thrilled as I am, I'm also painfully aware that there are others in the fertility trenches who will read this and wonder, "Why her and not me?", who will sigh at yet another social media pregnancy announcement ugh.
Hence my hesitation to put this up at all - until I remembered the support you readers, all three of you, gave me and, indirectly, the spiffy Anonymous Husband too during that awful time.
I owe you a very humble thank you for seeing me through it all - not that this was the ALL OVARIES ALL THE TIME! station, but in between the Pretty bits - and wanted you to know this improbably perfect conclusion to a wildly imperfect beginning.
I'd also love to be a resource for anyone else dealing with infertility and/or PCOS in particular; please feel free to send me questions, frustrations, etc. (contact info at the bottom of this post). It so helped me hearing from others who had successfully conceived after being diagnosed that I felt I needed to overcome my hesitation and share my news here too.
And since I'm in the updating way today, I owe you an update on the big brother himself:
At almost 3, Master P alternates between being the most and the least charming individual I know. His language, creativity, and awareness have skyrocketed - we're living in the inquisitive "WHY???-land" now - and I'm just enough of a former lawyer to (mostly) be enjoying it.
On the flip side, his newfound ability to turn even the smallest of matters into a power struggle has me wishing I could just have a damned
Oh, but the good days are just so very, very good. When he beams at someone and chirps, "Hi there!", when he expertly pilots his balance bike around the playground, when he excitedly talks about "baby sister!", there's no greater joy. Pinky swear.
On the joy note, as much as I've missed blogging and the blog community, stepping away was & continues to be a happy thing here.
This is SO taboo for a blogger to admit - I'm cringing with social media shame as I type this - but this site never resonated with you readers in the way I secretly hoped it would. After some time away, I finally admitted to myself that it bothered me. For the better part of four plus years I've been pressuring myself to make something happen here that just wouldn't. Frankly, if I didn't care about things gathering reader traction, I'd be journaling like any normal narcissist.
Other quasi-legitimate excuses for my time away include:
(1) When Mother Nature demanded in my first trimester that I "RELAX!", I was only too happy to listen. When Master P napped, I napped - and . . . oh, how I miss those naps. *tangential sigh*; I did this the last time I was pregnant too - gestating and blogging somehow don't mix for me.
(2) When the wee CEO nap died, POOF! went the time I'd previously spent writing & editing.
(3) BABY GIRL CLOTHES SHOPPING OMGEEEEEE! And . . .
(4) As much joy as I've derived here, I've begun to suspect there might be a different creative outlet in my future.
Now I'm channeling that creative impulse (see above re: overpowering nesting hormones) into decorating the nursery and other hausfrau projects I never had time for while trying to make this here site happen. But for blogging, I wouldn't have even known I was inclined to be creative . . . not a bad side benefit from this little hobby, not to mention the virtual book of schmoopy-doopy family memories I've inadvertently created here, the friends like you I've met . . .
So my hiatus here remains indefinite as I chew on my next social media step. I'm thinking "next step" = the newly born Miss Pretty, then on to . . . I'm not sure yet, but there will be something. I strive to fail up, to fail better, stumbling along doing what I love in my next reading & writing adventure.
Until then, thank you. Pretty please keep in touch on Twitter or Pinterest or olde-timey email (ipickpretty AT gmail). xo