Gift Ideas for New Moms, Smug Mummy Style

Here's what this Smug Mummy wanted most when Master P was but a wee newborn: sleep and a baby that didn't cry all the livelong day.*

(*Dear Master P, in case you're reading this sometime in the future: I can only assume that you're bilingual in Sarcasm and Hyperbole given your genetics, but just in case - I wouldn't trade you, deathhellfussy newborn days included, for all the Birkin bags in the world. Well, probably not. We'll revisit this when you hit adolescence. xoxo)

Here's what I got instead: five gazillion heavy blankets for Master P (who was born in Texas in June, mind you) and lots of simpering advice about how I should "sleep when the baby sleeps", a phrase guaranteed to incite rage in mothers of non-sleeping, non-put-downable (I hereby waive my Pretty wand and deem "not-put-downable" a word) newborns everywhere.

While I was so very grateful for the baby gifts and dinners that poured in, a few non-food presents particularly stood out as thoughtful indulgences for me. They weren't at all expensive or fancy, but they were things I loved and needed but might not have splurged on otherwise - and, unlike another newborn-sized onesie, was something for me, a nice acknowledgment that I too was going through that special yet especially terrifying time. Not that having a baby is at all about MEMEMEME, but you smell what I'm cooking here (or ordering for takeout, more likely).

(Mildly Important Sidebar: Yes, I see the irony in posting about stuff during the time in which I've renounced shopping for stuff. Alas, my inconsiderate friends have not put their Major Life Events like pregnancies and weddings on hold during this trying time - how dare they! - so I'm making a few gift-giving exceptions. I hope to get to the spiritual epiphany portion of the program soon. Stay tuned for further justifications.)

Here's the best of what's around - think personalized indulgences & pampering for poor, exhausted mama, who needs a Pretty pick-me-up. She wants to remain stylish despite the fact that she has no time or energy to devote to it (or to a shower). She's spending her day in pajamas playing a high-stakes game on no sleep with no rule book. She'd like something she can read one-handed while feeding baby during those loooong middle of the night sessions. Um, not that these memories are still smoldering afresh in my recent, bitter memory. Ahem:

digital magazine subscription / holly golightly sleep mask / nursing pajamas / decaf coffee / funny new mama book / glitter polish (with mani/pedi appointment) / spa gift card

It wouldn't hurt your present presentation to tack on an offer to babysit or clean house for an hour or two while your Smug Mummy friend enjoys her gift. Most people won't take you up on it, but the mere offer is much appreciated.

Mamas, any other good gift ideas? What's the favorite one you've received?

It's Friday (Tuesday), I'm in Love: Shoes, Vol. 3

This is the third installment in a terribly important and deeply meaningful series; you can find the first and second bits here and here.

If there's two things I know about the Man Upstairs (or Woman, or Wombat - whichever image you prefer), it's that (1) He has a keen sense of irony and (2) He appreciates a good pair of shoes. After all, if He created the Earth and all the beauty in it, surely that includes accessories?

Following this unassailable logic, I'm treating you today to a shoe two-fer which just arrived here at Pretty HQ - yes, hot on the heels (edited to add: can't believe I missed the obvious "Jesus Heels" line here - thanks, Z!) of my no-shop Lent resolution. These treats for the feet, for me & Master P respectively, were ordered on sale before my fashion fatwah went into effect, thus technically falling under the well-known "I ordered these before making a tricky and unlikely to succeed resolution and foolishly announcing it to the Interwebs" Lenten exception. You know the one - it's constantly being cited in Supreme Court opinions and such.

Ahem. Behold the cute yet sensible shoes, and the silliness that ensues when the mama tries to coax the toddler into taking cute yet sensible shoe photos:

Mine / His

As my law school homegirl noted, aren't these driving mocs just perfect for when we fire up the Trophy Wife Wagon for a drive around the Hamptons? And the wee boat shoes are obviously ideal for when we take the alas, also totally imaginary yacht out. Or, um, maybe these are just perfect comfy mom n' son flats for we hit up our next Little Gym class.

Whatever. See above about cute shoes, and tricky Lenten resolutions, and focusing on what's really important grumble grumble grumble . . .

Lent, A Time to Reflect and/or Shop Your Closet

Many Christians amongst us know this time of year as Lent, a time in which we give up fun things in order to better focus on, ya know, God and stuff. Not to worry - I'm not going to lecture you about religion here. Not only is that well beyond the scope of this champagne bubble of a blog, but like any good Episcopalian, I'm much more comfortable beating you over the head about your handbag choice than with my Bible.

Anywhoo, last week the Anonymous Husband announced his intentions to resume this Lenten tradition - in his case, sacrificing his favorite swear word (yes, only one of us is a prude here at Pretty HQ) - which caused me to ponder whether I should join in too. I realized over the weekend that some of that online noise I've been stressing about was thanks to my shopping- nothing too excessive, mind you, but I've admittedly been paying more attention lately to whatever flash sale was up that day than whether I - or Master P, or the AH - really needed the item in question. We're fortunate enough to be set stuff-wise for the time being.

And so from this day forward I'm giving up the shopping full stop, be it online or otherwise, from now until Easter, and resolving to do a better job of shopping my own closet in the meantime. I won't bore you with the step-by-step of that, but I did have fun poring over some items I'd forgotten about and pulling out some old new favorites over the weekend:

At the Poshmark party, in vintage dress & Steve Madden clutch

I also took a haul of clothes to the tailor today, surprising myself with how much I have that just needed a tweak to come back into regular rotation:

At the tailor's doing my best "Angelina" in my *jazz hands* Princess Shinylocks / Zara dress 

Not that Lent is about convenience, but I've picked quite the month to refrain from the retail - next month I've got a blogging conference and weddings to attend, any one of which would usually send me straight to the mothership (e.g., Nordstrom). That in & of itself is a sign that this shopping pause is a good thing, both for my soul and for my savings account.

Fear not, darlings - I'll continue to post style nonsense here and fantasy shop over at Pinterest per usual, as well as any mentioning any noteworthy purchases that were ordered pre-Lent (*cough* driving mocs *cough*). I just won't be weighing the cost of my child's future HarvarYalStanPrinceMouth college education vs. whatever bag I'm coveting.

Anyone else giving up something for Lent and/or striking silly poses in tailor shops?

How to Shop a Kids Consignment Sale, Smug Mummy Style

Subtitle: "If I Must Be a Boring Soccer Mom, Let Me Be One with a Well - and Inexpensively - Dressed Child."

We - yes, the Royal "we", since it's Friday and I'm in an uppity sort of mood - are all about the Pretty here, clothes included. When the budget permits, I prefer investing in fewer but better quality items that will stand the test of time, with a few trendy exceptions here & there.

What we (ok, I) don't particularly enjoy is paying a Pretty penny for those items, particularly when it comes to the growing Master P. As I wrote about here, since the wee CEO arrived and Pretty HQ has dropped to one income, I've become much more of a consignment & all-around sale shopper. I get a number of comments on his wardrobe and questions about how exactly to work the consignment sales, so I figured I'd spill our heavily discounted beans here.

*Insert usual disclaimer here about how one person's definition of "inexpensive" or "bargain" may not be another's; I can only speak to what works for us here at Pretty HQ. So there. Nanny nanny boo boo.*

I'm by no means an expert yet, and there's definitely some luck involved, but I've shopped enough of these sales now to have picked up some tricks I wish I'd known when I started:

Favorite "play" tee find from today

Check Craigslist & Church/Neighborhood Bulletins for Sale Information: the non-profit consignment sales tend to be less expensive than consignment stores since there usually isn't an overhead they have to factor into pricing.

Go with a List of Exactly What You Need & How Much You're Willing to Spend: it's so easy to get overwhelmed by the billion zillion choices at these sales. Take an inventory of what your kid needs ahead of time, including measurements if you're shopping shoes and clothes. Identify any brands you're looking for in particular and know what they retail for; I tend to stick with those when I'm consignment shopping so I can quickly assess whether I'm getting a deal, as you have to do at these things.

For example, this morning Master P & I shopped a busy church sale; I went in knowing I was looking for my favorite "play wear" brands 1-2 sizes up from where he is now and Thomas the train toys or DVDs (which may as well be spelled "Thoma$$$" for the retail price). In 20 minutes, I was able to specifically target the boys' & toys' sections, while I noted a few others with that panicked deer-in-headlights look wandering from section to section.

Show Up Early & On the First Day: if the sale starts at 8 am, try to get there by 7:30 am at the latest. Yes, really. Though the second day of a sale is often heavily discounted, the excellent deals tend to go early - like, within the first ten minutes early. Today, for example, we showed up ten minutes after the sale opened, and the best strollers and big play equipment had already sold.

Go Child-Free if You Can (the "duh" step): there are usually long lines both to get in & check out, so plan accordingly.

If You Can't Go Child-Free, Check the Event Logistics for Limitations on Strollers, etc.: Today wasn't a sitter day for Master P, so off we sped in the Trophy Wife Wagon to shop; thankfully this was a rare stroller friendly morning event (ie, during the wee CEO's happiest time of day), so he contentedly read a book while I strolled him & piled our finds atop our Maclaren canopy - which, for any stroller shoppers out there, is completely worthless for its intended purpose of sun-shading but excellent for shopping.

Our ride at today's sale - probably not what Maclaren intended, but it holds a good amount of clothes / toys/ lattes.

Many events prohibit strollers, though, so I'd bring your Baby Bjorn type device if Baby is still small enough. If you can bring a stroller, I'd bring the smallest umbrella you have; these things tend to be crowded, and you don't want to be trying to shove your BOB down a cramped clothing aisle.

Ask ahead if there will be a "hold" section or shopping bags made available so you can shop without lugging heavy stuff around.

Bring Cash: These sales don't often do a good job of advertising this, but - many only take cash, or if they take credit cards they charge a fee. Bringing cash helps you (ok, me) stay on budget as well.

(Extra credit reading: I found this & that helpful in strategizing these sales; for any expectant or new moms, I really liked this book on what was safe/recommended to buy secondhand.)

Any questions or other tips, class? Happy shopping & weekend to you all . . .

Posting About Posting: Managing Your Social Media Circus

I accidentally started an irregular regular series about social media; I can't quite figure out why except that it makes for a nice break from the usual fantasy handbag shopping posts. Anywhoo, you can read more here and here and here if you're having trouble sleeping.


***

Last night I was scrolling through Instagram while keeping one eye on my laptop's Tweetdeck feed, when I remembered that I had yet to update this site's Facebook page that day (as opposed to my regular "real life" Facebook feed, which I hadn't gotten around to either). Then I remembered I hadn't been virtual shoe shopping on Pinterest in a few hours; I remembered this because I was reading how we should apparently be using Pinterest to promote our blogs too. However, if I spent time getting caught up over there I'd fall behind on responding to blog comments here . . .

*hits head on keyboard*

. . . and then I threw my hands up in the air and admitted that I may have reached the point of social media bankruptcy, where I've taken on too much to do any one of them well. Where, in attempting to keep up with everyone everywhere, I might be taking away from things like valuable shoe research time (and, um, family and friends). Remember back when it was this easy?

Source: jaericho.dyndns.org via Cordelia on Pinterest

Sigh - me too, barely. I was astounded to find just how many I have going right now - the ones I can remember, that is - once I sat down to tally them up:

• Blog (duh)
• Twitter
• Facebook, both "real life" & blog accounts
• Pinterest
• Instagram
• Goodreads
• LinkedIn

Granted, I don't devote the same amount of time to all of these - this ol' blog and the Twitter are where my icy, near-dead writer's heart lies, so I actively engage in those on a regular basis. I more passively check in on the others, not worrying too much about how much I'm contributing or reading there, but just knowing they exist is causing me some stress.

I'm considering paring down, aside from here & with le Twitter . . . my LinkedIn profile seems the obvious chopping block candidate, as it basically exists only to . . . I have no idea. In fact, I've never quite seen what the benefit of that one was, aside from serving as the slightly more professional, work-sanctioned way to spy on your exes versus Facebook. 

I'm stumped, though, as to how to manage the rest. I really enjoy them and, as someone who is not paid to do most of this, I have the benefit of checking in & out of them at my leisure. Even so, would I gain some sanity points & more time for my "Economist" "US Weekly" reading if I scaled back somewhere?

How do you balance your social media fun? Have you declared bankruptcy and scaled back, or have you found a reasonable way to keep it all going?

Coda - Saying No to the Mama Drama

There's nothing quite so surreal as watching other people debate the motivations of something you've done, as you're watching the conversation unfold. So it was yesterday after my guest post for the fabulous AP, a piece some apparently took as an attack on working parents, an 180 degree turn from the lighthearted direction I'd intended (especially while posting on another dear blog friend's turf).

On the one, manicured hand, responding to criticism of what you've written is a fruitless task; we all bring our individual baggage to posts (I imagine mine as monogrammed Goyard, naturally) and interpret them accordingly. As bloggers, it's our task to release the best work we can, sit back and see where the interpretive winds blow them, so to speak. It's no more my place to tell someone how to interpret what I've put out there than it is another's to put words in my mouth. Plus, this former lawyer has enough of the "lawyer" still in me that I enjoy a healthy debate.

On the flip side, the subject of the Mama Drama - whether I was lobbing veiled barbs at working parents or generally stoking the flames of that wearying, why-isn't-this-dead-yet fire - is important enough a subject that I feel compelled to address it here, just this once. Regular readers know my stance on this, but for any newbies - hello there, aren't you looking Pretty today? - I figured I'd restate my take.

Rather than swoop in yesterday with any one-off Twitter responses, a platform prone to driving Mama Drama if ever there was one, I decided to sleep on whether to respond - by "sleep on it" I of course mean diddle around on the usually non-controversial Pinterest. And lo, the angels did sing and deliver me a sign:

Source: babybrewing.com via Melissa on Pinterest

THIS. Darlings, if ever I had a message with that post or any of my usual Smug Mummy drivel here, it's this - we are all doing the best we can with our Life Choices, whether we have kids and work outside of the home or not, whether we're Cheerfully Child-Free or not. I would no sooner judge your choice of if & how to raise children than I would wear Crocs, a pledge my long-time readers can tell you is a serious one. I will judge those abominations to style right off your feet, but I will not judge if & how you choose to parent.

I will also not make sweeping proclamations about how any one job, be it a parenting one or otherwise, is harder than another. We here in the blogosphere get but a glimpse of one another's lives, even as we strive for transparency; just as you cannot know my entire life situation, I can't know yours either. As far as I can tell, it's all Pretty damned difficult at times, and we all strive to do our best given our individual challenges, be those with parenting or other grown-up stuff. I just don't see the value in crowning a "winner" of any particular life choice here, if such a thing even existed.

I do not write this to apologize (though I did just that to AP for accidentally kicking up the drama), nor to curry support; I'm not running for Prom Queen of these here interwebs, though of course I'd look particularly fetching in a Duchess Kate-style tiara. Rather, if you'll forgive me this kum-bay-yah moment, I just want to reiterate my support of whatever choice you all decide to make for your respective families. I'm grateful to live in a time when many of us are fortunate enough to be able to make that choice, and hopeful for a time when those choices are available to all.

I stand for excellence in accessories, friends, and family, not always in that order (but usually). I'm a stay-at-home parent because it was & is the right decision for my family, not necessarily for you or anyone else. I do not stand for telling you what to do with your life choices, the choice of whether you decide to work outside of the home as a parent or not very much included. That's it, full stop - you can't make me say otherwise, nanny nanny boo boo. I am Switzerland. I mean it! Get off my lawn!

Back to the business of this champagne bubble of a blog - trying to be prettier, wittier, and more blonde than nature intended (emergency highlights appointment today, hurrah!) - as soon as I order a few thousand of that onesie pictured. Forever and ever, amen.

*steps off soapbox*

Guest Post at "I Love You More Than Carrots"

Pretty please make haste over to the site of my blogging homegirl, AP - if a girl this white & in 2012 allowed to say "homegirl"? - where I'm guest posting for her today about one of my favorite topics - the dumb things people say to parents and my suggested, ever-so-slightly-snarky responses to same.

If I can have a demure little freakout moment here and just pretend that I'm not simultaneously flattered and terrified to be posting for one of my all-time favorite bloggers, one of those whom I dearly wish lived just down the street so we could do happy hour playdates together . . . yeah, it's not working. I'm terrified. Please be nice and go leave AP a comment while I drown my fears in Cadbury Eggs (Easter candy out already = buh-bye waistline).

One other housekeeping note while I'm checking in  . . . would those of you who leave comments here prefer that I respond to comments in the comments themselves, or via email as I have been doing? Many of you don't have email linked to your commenting profile, and I don't want you to think I've been ignoring you. Please leave me a love note with any strong feelings one way or another. xoxo

On the Pretty Bookshelf, February '12 Ed.

I had an "outfit of the day" style post all lined up for today with my favorite Princess Shinylocks-inspired (copied) outfit, and then the pictures turned out horribly, possibly because the Anonymous Husband / photographer found it hilarious that I'd ask him to take a picture of my outfit. And I'm incapable of posing normally for staged photos. And then the dog ate my homework. Bottom line is, I'm far too vain to post the results, so we'll just have to Kate another day.

Ahem.

Anywhoo, February has been a terrific month on the literary front for the wee CEO & me. I've settled into my new book club, while Master P has finished off Dickens & has moved onto the Beat poets - or is it our local library's toddler story hour, I always get those two confused . . .

. . . in any event, he's inherited his mama's strong opinions on books, though only one of us has taken to chucking a disliked book across the room while gleefully shouting "NO!" As always, I have more detailed info up on my Goodreads profile, but here's the skinny on our favorites from this month, none of which have gone sailing in any untoward direction (all images via Barnes & Noble):

For the Grownups

"Rules of Civility" by Amor Towles

This came highly recommended to me and is that rare debut novel that manages to live up to the hype, succeeding as a pre-WWII era comedy of manners and romance as well as a deeper look at the mores of that pre-war "golden age" in New York and America now. Though this is set some 15 years after "The Great Gatsby", the comparisons are inevitable - for starters, both use the narrative structure of an outsider looking in, only to realize that the privileged American "in" isn't quite what it appears.

I fell head over heels for the prose and immediately wanted to befriend the narrator. The sparkling dialogue and characters veritably leap off the page, though it's occasionally more stylized than real.  I only wish that we all spouted off clever one liners like this. Some of those staged moments aside, this was a startling insightful read, moving me at many times to go grab my highlighter so I could mark my favorite bits.

Fans of Wharton and, yes, Fitzgerald, you'll really like this one. Pinky swear.

On Deck: "1Q84", "Let the Great World Spin", "Catch-22", "The 25th Hour" (Apparently I need a dystopian literature chaser to my "Hunger Games" binge).

For the Playground Set

Master P is sticking to the classics; we were delighted to find these two in board book, oversized editions:

"Olivia" by Ian Falconer

Going back to this post, my boy is going to learn about strong women, precocious pigs very much included. The literary little sister to my old favorite, "Eloise", this book's cheerful illustrations & clever prose keep us both entertained.

"The Very Busy Spider" by Eric Carle

Ever wonder if Mr. Carle is sitting in a multi-colored mansion somewhere counting his millions? I'm only to happy to add to his stash; Master P adores the colorful animal pictures, and they're beautiful enough that I enjoy looking at them again and again (and AGAIN) too.

***

What's new & exciting on your bookshelf this month?

Over-scheduled & Underpaid

That old stay-at-home-mom favorite question - "But what do you DO all day?!?" - has taken on a deeper irony for me recently, as I feel busier than ever with my newish job. So quickly do these toddler days fly by that I barely remember those sometimes endless (for me, at any rate) desk job days. Master P is just able to do so much more, and has so much boisterous boy energy now, that we're exploring a whole new world *cue Disney song* of story times and gymnastics classes and happy hours*, and this Type A Minus has enough of the "A" still to admit that I'm enjoying that.

(*Fine, I'm kidding about the happy hour - but the first person to build a playground with a spiked coffee bar for parents gets my vote.)

In fact, I'm surprised to find myself at risk of over-scheduling us - if I let it happen, we could have at least one class or organized outing to go to every day. It's one thing to keep up our "leave the house once a day" policy, which keeps both boy & me stimulated and happy. Isn't it entirely another, possibly crazy-making thing, though, to make all of those outings a scheduled thing - especially given that I have a 1.5 year old who can be equally entertained by things like standing in the yard watching clouds drift by?

With apologies to my Facebook crew, who has seen this one; this California girl still can't get over the weensy flip-flops.

Maybe it's because I'm more French than Tiger Mom, or still in recovery from some overzealous scheduling in my own youth, but I've decided to hang on to at least one weekday when we're free to stay home in our pajamas and do nothing more productive than feed crayons to dogs. Er, or something like that - point is, there is plenty of time for the wee CEO to develop interests and hobbies, in addition to the eventual school. There is only so much time, however, when we'll have the freedom to play as the day takes us.

I can't believe I'm asking this, as parent to newly minted toddler, but - anyone else struggle with this over-scheduling thing? How do you maintain that fun/free time balance?

Operation MILF - How to Wear Stripes for Spring

One of the Prettiest trends of Spring '12 is the stripe - not just with the resurgence of the classic French sailor shirt, of which I own approx. eleventy billion, but also the modern take on this preppish trend.

The thing is, wearing stripes can be a tricky business for those of us - ok, me - who are not six feet tall and six pounds wide. There's that old saying about not wearing stripes if you're attempting to look slender - while I don't entirely agree with that, I have found there are more flattering ways to incorporate this trend if you have some areas you'd prefer to, shall we say, de-emphasize. With the ways this trend is showing up in stores - asymmetrical lines and colorblocking - it's also easy and inexpensive to do.

I should add that I include myself in this strategizing; though I luuurve me a stripe - seriously, stop me before I stripe again - and I'm finally back to pre-baby fighting weight, the look of my landscape has changed. That flat stomach I'd always taken for granted? The arms that knew no waddle? Um. Let's say that though I'm a wee bit obsessed with this trend, I cannot just throw on any ol' form-fitting top anymore.

Anywhoo, here are a few favorites, all the way from J. Crew to JC Penney . . .

With their respective asymmetry & longer hemline, these first two might particularly suit those of us - ok, me again - looking to conceal things around the stomach or hip area:

Left (I own & adore this one) / Right

And for those of us wanting to emphasize, from left to right, our non-existent bust or downplay arms; note how the lighter color & colorblocking directs the eye:

Left (showing as sold out, sadly) / Right

Same here, for anyone else wanting to minimize the stomach damage; the darker/thicker striped area on the left does minimizing stomach magic, while looser fit on the right helps there & with arm coverage as well:

Left / Right

For the Pretty plus-sized crowd, two from Old Navy - note again how the diagonal lines & color-blocking draw the eye up . . . 

Left / Right

Anyone else sweet on stripes?

Pretty Playroom: Mod Alphabet Wall & Magnetized Chalkboard How-To

Note: this post has nothing whatsoever to do with today's holiday - see here and here about that if you're so inspired - though it's plenty saccharine in content. Consider yourselves warned - and, um, Happy Valentine's / Singleton Appreciation Day!

Of all the things I've been surprised to learn about myself via this stay-at-home-mom business, my ability to copy the creative projects of others has to top the list. I mean, just about anyone can come up with a new home decor idea, but it takes a real visionary to duplicate it step for step, right? Riiight?

(Quit your complaining about this soccer mom post, by the way - it has been One of Those Weeks here at Pretty HQ, complete with expiring washing machines & sick toddler, so you're getting my Pretty playroom crafts and you will like it. YOU WILL LIKE IT!!! GET OFF MY LAWN! We'll get back to shoes & such just as soon as my budget / will to live recovers.)

(Ahem.)

Anywhoo, still suffering from severe Pinterest-itis - and legitimately wanting to liven up the boring, blank walls of Master P's play area, since he's grown so much more aware of his surroundings lately - I recently went in search of alphabet wall decor. As always, the design challenge here was to find child-friendly decor that didn't singe my adult eyeballs with the Comic Sans cuteness of it all; given that our play space is part of our Austin-y, somewhat modern open area living room / kitchen / dining room area, something that visually appeals to kids & adults alike was key.

Enter the Paul Thurlby alphabet wall, as 100% plagiarized from inspired by The Tichenor Family's post; the framed letter pages are courtesy of this fab little book here:

Available here in book form; prints available here

Since this project is entirely someone else's idea, I'll re-direct you to her post for the directions, only adding my two tips: (1) an Exacto knife helps in dissecting the book, and I'd have your frames handy at that point as well to size your cuts correctly; and (2) here are some things that take less time than cutting, framing & aligning 26 letters: EVERYTHING.

Lost years of my life aside, I'm secretly delighted with how this turned out:

I left the messy counters as is just to keep it real, 'yo.

Our book edition came with a poster displaying the letters, which I laminated & posted at the wee CEO's eye level.

"P is for Pretty", obvs.

I'll bore you with a more comprehensive playroom re-do post once I get a few nit-picky details in place. Speaking of boring you with project ideas I've "borrowed". . .

Magnetized Chalkboard Directions (Subtitle: "I Can't Believe I'm Posting Craft Directions")

Since I was flooded - FLOODED! - with inquiries about that crafty little magnetized chalkboard I did up for our play area - if by "flooded" we mean a handful of you sorta asked - here's a brief how-to for this cheap & easy (insert Kardas*hian joke here) one:

Materials Needed
- 1 drip oil-pan (hardware stores & Walmart - eek- have these for approx. $10)
- 1 can chalkboard spray paint (sold in same section as the usual spray paint)
- 1 tarp to (1) conceal crafting shame & (2) lay under pan while spraying
- 1 fashion magazine, the snootier/less attainable, the better
- 1 block medium-grade sandpaper
- 1 package permanent mounting squares (I used these)
- bonus magnet materials: craft store wooden figures and adhesive magnet squares

Step 1: open "Vogue" or similar; pause to consider how much your life has changed PK (post-kid).

Step 2: sand top of oil pan thoroughly - you want to rough up the surface so the paint sticks better. Or something like that. It made sense at the time (see step 1).

Step 3: spray top of pan with one coat of paint. Wait 30 minutes or so, repeat.

Step 4: let dry for 24 hours, then run a piece of chalk sideways-like over board to ensure you've got enough paint layers on there.

Step 5: apply self-adhesive squares to back corners & center of pan to hang. Voila:

Step 6, if you're feeling ambitious: I slapped some adhesive magnet squares on the back of some wooden figurines from the craft store - yes, those places still give me the artificial flower-encrusted hives - and - presto! - magnets.

Again, this project was a combination of two other originals, so you may want to reference my original post/links for directions from people who actually appear to know what they're talking about vs. me.

***

Brilliant, right - or are you just dying to re-arrange that alphabet wall to spell "SOCCER MOM SELL-OUT"?

"We're Leaving the House" Waltz

(Set to the tune of Strauss' "Blue Danube Waltz", in the key of Toddler) (Yes, I had to look up the name of that one, which I previously knew as the "BUM BUM" song) (Which is surely the title to Jay-Z's next classical single)

(Oh, and don't forget to check & see if you're the lucky Shabby Apple giveaway winner here!)

(Parentheses)

***

We're leaving the house . . . (bum bum, bum bum)

Forgetting my keys . . . (bum bum, bum bum)

And also the child . . . (BUM BUM, bum bum)

Who's off running wild . . . (BUM BUM, bum bum)

His diaper is soiled . . . (BUM BUM, bum bum)

Too long have I toiled . . . (BUM BUM, bum bum)

Just trying to depart . . . (BUM BUM bum bum BUM)

Thought I was smart . . . (BUM BUM BUM)

But my phone and son have . . . disappeared (BUM BUM BUM bum bum bum BUM BUM)

Master P's new hiding place

Anyone else singing this song today?

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner - "Shabby Apple" Giveaway

What better way to start off a Monday than with a free frock from Shabby Apple? That honor goes to . .

Ms. Mary - congratulations! I'll email you in a bit; you'll have 48 hours from the time I send that email to respond, or ELSE! No, no - just, um, I'll draw another name if I don't hear back from you by then.

Thank you all for your interest in winning free stuff. Busy day today here at Pretty HQ, but I'll be back asap-ly with more quasi-craftiness. Sort of. It involves books, at least, so that makes it less nerdy - right? Riiiiight . . .

A Pretty Silhouette

None of the products mentioned below are paid or solicited placements, blah blah blah zzz . . .

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It will come as a great surprise to precisely none of you that I like old-timey things like silhouette art, a craft which somehow brings me closer to the Jane Austen movie of my life (Colin Firth edition, obvs.). Somehow.

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, I've spied a number of silhouette-y gift ideas around these interwebs. What better way to surprise someone you love than with the, um, shape of your head? Yes. Whatever. It works:

Left / Right

Left / Right

Left / Right

Speaking of silhouettes, Master P & I worked on one of our Valentine's gifts for me the Anonymous Husband today . . . thanks to fellow Mommy Mafioso & killer photographer Ziem, Master P had a session with renowned silhouette artist Karl Johnson.

Turns out "renowned" means "worked Reese Wit*herspoon's wedding & To*m Cruise's birthday party", which I didn't find out until after the sitting. Not that I would have peppered him with 1,572 questions about imaginary BFF Reese had I known. Nope. Um.

Anywhoo, I love the results so much, I have two copies on display. In theory, I'm intending to give one of these to a grandmother-type person. In theory:

. . . the traditional framed silhouette . . . 

. . . and the modern, kids' art gallery "frame" (Pinterest how-to here)

Austin parents, Karl will be here doing sittings throughout the weekend; check his Facebook page for further details.

I'm silhouette smitten - anyone else getting in on this old/new trend?

TOMS Spring '12: Pretty Goes Granola

Point the first: don't forget to enter my Shabby Apple dress giveaway of supreme superbness!

Point the second: this is not a paid or solicited post in any way; sadly, it's merely the result of my own shopping vice hobby.

***

Brussel sprouts. The Prius. Al Gore. Things that are good for you tend to be, well . . .  they're usually not the Prettiest, are they?

I've long thought this of TOMS shoes, much as I've wanted to love them for their "For each pair you buy, a unicorn gets its horn" policy (or child in need gets a pair - something like that) and Austin street cred. The ubiquitous sparkly little girl ones are darling, of course, but I just couldn't talk myself into their aggressively spartan women's wares . . .

. . . until now, that is. TOMS has taken a turn for the classic, so I'm test driving the following ballet flats:

"Alessandra" (sadly, now showing as sold out)

"Gisele"

As a long-time parishioner at the Church of (Tory) Burch, I feel a bit traitorous about this, if also pleased to have a lighter-on-the-wallet Revas alternative. I'm less likely to cry should these suffer a sandbox scuff on one of our playground runs.

Speaking of, I happened upon some shoe happiness for the wee CEO too; brace yourself for . . . TEENY TINY BOAT SHOES (apologies for the Caps Lock shouting, but you'll see what I mean):

"Chambray Bimini"

At nearly half the price of the toddler Sperry Topsiders I've been eyeing, these were an obvious choice for my mini style blogger in training. (Speaking of price, promo code "ShareToms" was working for $5 off as of this writing.)

I'll report back with our fashion findings on these once they arrive - do you think my Angel*ina Jolie Smug Earth Mummy merit badge will be included with package?

Shabby Apple Dress Giveaway of Magnificent Splendor

This is a solicited giveaway, in that the nice ladies of Shabby Apple reached out to me. That's it, though - I was not paid for this, nor am I affiliated with the company in any other way. As always, all opinions/language stated here are my own, for better or worse (worse).

***

See, I told you it would get a lot less soccer mom here today - as in, one free dress for the lucky winner of this fab Shabby Apple giveaway!

You read that correctly, darlings - you're not only lucky enough to read this here blog- stop laughing - but you can also enter to win the dress of your choice from Shabby Apple's chic dress selection.

Speaking of, I happily got lost at over at Shabby Apple's site for no small amount of time when researching this post - if we can call traipsing through piles of Pretty dresses "research" - perusing their darling, vintage-y wares; here are a few favorites, though it was tres difficult to narrow it down:

Left / Right

Left / Right

Left / Right

(Mildly Relevant Sidebar: Not only does Shabby Apple inspire me to buy dresses, photos like these also make me want to travel to exotic destinations. Granted, waking up in the morning makes me want to travel, but . . .)

Sooooo, you're probably wondering how to enter this here contest, eh? Ok, ok - here's the skinny:

Please leave me ONE comment only - you don't want to risk my Icy Glare by testing me on this one - including your email address (which will only be used to contact you if you're the lucky winner), pinky swearing that you've done the following:

1. For one entry, "Like" Shabby Apple on Facebook here;
2. For one additional entry, re-Tweet or post or carrier pigeon, etc. this contest.

Contest entries close this Friday at 11:59 pm CST; winner will be selected via Random.org thingy & announced Monday, February 13th. Apologies to my international friends - which isn't code for my secret Latin lover, for once - but entries are limited to US residents.

That's not all, though - Shabby Apple is also generously offering 10% off to all Pretty readers! Use promo code "ipickpretty10off" for your next Shabby Apple purchase; I certainly will be just as soon as I can whittle my overloaded cart down to a reasonable size. Promo code du awesome will be live for the next 30 days, so shop shop shop away.

That's it - just the dose of Pretty we needed, right? Good luck, and happy dress shopping!

Will "Vogue" Cancel My Subscription for This?

Mildly Important Subtitle: "Not That I Have Time / Energy / Money to Properly 'Vogue' Now, But It's the Principle of the Thing. You'll Pry That Subscription Out of My Cold, (Still Manicured, Occasionally!) Dead Hands."

Not to worry, darlings - it isn't terminally serious. I mean, I haven't started wearing Crocs or anything else truly poisonous to the soul.

But . . . but . . .

Today was both awesome and a reminder of just how far I've strayed from the days when my biggest joy was whatever shoe bargain I'd unearthed. I'm still just as superficial, of course, but these are the Smug Mummy days when I find a peace beyond a Pretty fashion find.

Amongst today's highlights, Master P and I went to our first Little Gym class - and it's up for debate who adored it more. Hand to heart at one point I was crawling around on the floor barking like a dog, and not even in an ironic or kinky way.

That in and of itself isn't so bad, though - I imagine even the Plum Sykeses of the world, the most "Vogue" of Voguettes, enjoys a toddler gym class every now and again. It gets worse, however . . .

I crafted. AGAIN. And I had fun doing it. *hangs head in shame*

Still suffering from a severe case of Pinterest-itis, today I finished my piece de resistance, this drip pan turned magnetic chalkboard & magnets for the wee CEO's play area. Unlike my last burst of creative energy, this was cheap, this was easy - insert joke here - and I'd do it again to see the delight on Master P's face when he discovered it after his naptime (speaking of resistance):

 "Holy (stuff), Mama went to the craft store TWICE and Walmart to do this. I hardly know her anymore." He's too young for the chalk but loved the magnets.

Before you start calling me Martha, I do not - I do not, you can't make me, nanny nanny boo boo! - take credit for this project idea. Not only because I'm only crafty in the diabolical sense, but because my board was the hybrid of two other bloggers' original posts - here and here. Also, I'm guessing you're here not for craft ideas but for . . . ? Shoe purchase enabling? Nevertheless, I will post how step-by-step directions of this mash-up if anyone is interested.

For a similar idea - adorable fabric-covered magnet board - check out today's post from my sister wife mommyblogger favorite, AP. Apparently I'm not only infected with the Pinterest but also inadvertently knocking off my favorite bloggers, so at least my knack for being derivative is still intact (if not my pride).

In all seriousness, it felt wonderful to have gotten it "right" today with my wee CEO, one in which he was clearly enjoying the day's events. Not to say we don't almost always have fun, but there was just a joy beyond stilettos here today.

And with that, I'm off for some restorative "In Style" reading - just after I finish this alphabet wall project. Apparently this Pinterest thing is catching, so you all may want to log off your laptops and hide beneath the nearest "Elle" until it passes.

***

If you're still here reading after all the soccer mom stuff of late, I have a chic, clothes-not-children giveaway lined up for tomorrow, followed by more shoes. Do the shoes cancel out the crafts? Pretty please?

The Smug Mummy Evaluates: Why French Parents are Better (?)

In a surprising turn of events this weekend, I learned I'm apparently both French & an awesome parent:

Photo Credit (less the expertly drawn berets): Ziem Photography

Let me explain - this article, which has been peppering my Facebook feed with mommyblogger gusto, claims that the French have figured out certain aspects of raising young children which pose a struggle for Americans. Specifically, it claims the French have mastered the art of parenting well without doing so too closely - avoiding the "helicopter" parent phenomenon - by allowing kids to have independent play time and setting firm behavior boundaries.

Once I got over my immediate need to roll my eyes - "Sweet sandwiches, we need ANOTHER article telling us how we're terrible parents? First the French are better dressed than us, now they get to be better moms & dads too?" I sighed - I actually read the article and found myself nodding at much of it. Don't get me wrong - I'm not one of those Francophiles who thinks Paris is the center of the universe either, much as I've adored my tourist time there - but it struck me that there may be something to this.

I let my wee CEO have time to safely play independently - never mind that some of that is motivated by my desire to make the occasional restroom trip unaccompanied, but . . . doesn't everyone, French or otherwise? How else will he learn to make decisions, to create and play, by himself? 

I also believe that calm-but-firm & consistent limits are something parents and children want and benefit from - within reason, of course. I'm just trying to imagine implementing the example given in that article, where a French parent suggests not chasing a child around the playground but instead calmly giving orders from a comfortable bench perch, and the inevitable ER trip that would result. Maybe it's due to his young age, but when it comes to preventing Master P from making a leap off the nearest playscape, call me a helicopter parent. Again, though, isn't everyone on board with some limits, regardless of nationality?

What may prove most controversial is the idea that children are to form themselves around the adults' lives, versus the perceived American method of doing the reverse The author cites articles saying that, thanks to the American bending over backwards to suit our kids' whims, we're less satisfied with parenting - actually preferring housework (!) in many cases - than our French counterparts.

I'm not sure where I stand on this except to say - if at any point scrubbing toilets seems more enjoyable than raising my wee CEO, or anything at all, something has gone horribly, horribly wrong. That being said, why have the kids if you don't intend to change your lives, and happily so, a bit for them?

Though I'm highly skeptical of any claims that there is One Right Way to Parent - having liberated myself from those facist baby books, I've no inclination to indoctrinate myself again - I may check out the book this article is based on. A lot of this seems not exclusively French but mere common sense, and that's something in which even especially this Smug Mummy can use a refresher course.

What do you think - is this article something that makes sense to you, or is it more of the same eye-rolling stuff designed to sell books & make parents feel bad? And how awesome do Master P & I look in those literally & figuratively sketchy berets?

***

Stay tuned for a supercalifashionista giveaway of much fab this Wednesday . . . 

Jackie O & the Pinterest Problem

You know when you get one of those day-dreamy mental pictures of what having kids might be like?

Image from Life.com via Pinterest

When this image popped up in my Pinterest feed the other day, I couldn't help but laugh; this is one of the most idyllic - and fraudulent - depictions of that sort of mental confection I've seen. Camelot indeed.

Don't get me wrong - like any girl young lady thirtysomething person worth her pearls, I 'ship at the altar of our former First Lady & High Priestess of Prep here. The thing is, this image of a woman perfectly coiffed, calmly working on her Art whilst her equally well-turned out daughter quietly paints in the background, is . . . um . . . not something this mother of a young toddler boy / wildebeest recognizes, though I confess I envisioned scenes like this PK ("pre-kid", natch).

Seized by a case of the Pinterest - you swear that sort of thing could never happen to a nice, Nordstrom-loving girl like you - in the past week I somehow decided the wee CEO and I were going to get artistic. Crafty, even, and not in my usual diabolical sense.  There were trips to multiple craft and home improvement stores involved. I was going to foster my child's creativity! Weave a magical, stimulating home environment in which his budding young creative mind could thrive! Exclamation point!

Readers, I am not proud. This is coming from the blogger who used to believe in "homemade" only to the extent I could buy an item lovingly made in someone else's home. Somehow this all feels like the inaugural tumble down the slippery slope to a minivan and mom jeans.

Speaking of broken dreams, here's how our decidedly non-Jackie O salon du toddler art is going so far:

- Crayons eaten by dog, as fed to him by toddler (3)
- Dogs now sick from crayon ingestion (1)
- Marker stains on hardwood floors despite fraudulent "washable" claim (3)
- Crayons stuffed under the couch (6)
- Child prodigy drawings produced, thus assuring early admission to HarvarYaleOxforPrinceton (0)
- Child drawings produced of any sort whatsoever (0)
- Half-completed gallery walls, as designed by yours truly (1) (photos to come, like it or not!) (not)

Um, yeah. So I may shelve the crayons for a few months until Master P shows more of an interest in, you know, drawing with them.  I am, however, going to persist in finishing off the few playroom crafts I've started, if only to show that I can - and, truth be told, because I'm secretly enjoying it. EEK.

Beware the Pinterest, kids; as far as I know, there's no cure for it yet. Or is there - what would Jackie O do?

My Son the Style Blogger

I can just see you rolling your eyes, "A toddler style blogger - what, like one of those "outfit of the day" ones that (adult) bloggers do? What dim-witted idea are you scheming up now?"

Bear with me here. Consider:

Shirt: BabyGap (thrifted) / Shorts (Children's Place, old) / Shoes: H&M (thrifted) / Pensive Stare into Middle Distance: (genetics)

He is . . .

(1) Staring pensively into the middle distance (of the refrigerator, perhaps, but no matter);
(2) Wearing a suspiciously nice outfit given his income level;
(3) Sporting an entirely "thrifted" outfit save the shorts, which were a gift;
(4) Mysteriously always accompanied by someone with a DSLR camera at the ready.

I mean, have I just stumbled onto a lucrative blog niche here, if not the new hit toddler reality TV series - all he needs is an agent and some of those "c/o" free clothes from Prada or similar free handbags for the nightmare stage mom I'm destined to become and we're good to go, right? Right?

(PS - Where is that Sarcasm Font when I need it, where where where?)

(PPS - Pretty please see my mama role model OH Mommy's post for an example of an actually good idea for a kiddo blog, entirely unlike the drivel you see here. xoxo)