What has consistently surprised me, though - remember, this is someone who has always wanted kids without the benefit of ever having spent much time with them - is the re-learning of basic life skills I've had to do, such as leaving the house within an hour of when I intend to or . . . er, using the restroom with company. Crazy me, in my thirty-
As any Smug Mummy knows, those solo days are now a thing of the past, with the new reality of a toddler clambering for my attention at any & all times, including gleefully unfurling the toilet paper roll while I attempt to go about my business. If I foolishly do anything other than quickly answer nature's call, you can factor in a festival of unrolled dental floss or attempted raid on the (locked up) razors too.
|Oh, sure - he looks innocent enough, but therein lurks the heart of a petty toiletries thief. (Photo Credit: Ziem Photography - hi, Z!)|
This all came to a head - TEEHEE, see what I did there? - the other day when Master P & I were running errands, and I realized about halfway through a Costco expedition that I needed to avail myself of the facilities. I quickly ran through the Toddler Calculus of "How Quickly Can I Buy This and Get Home So I Don't Have to Deal With This Here?" and grimly realized that I could not accomplish the day's tasks without braving the public restroom, which was, as mandated by Murphy's Law, on the complete opposite side of the store. That sounds simple enough until you consider I was sans stroller or other toddler restraint device.
Readers, do you know how many ways there are to escape from a restroom stall if you're under 3 feet tall and your parent/freedom-restrictor is answering nature's call? Suffice it to say, I kept one hand on Master P's wiggly collar while I tried to hurry up doing what one does in a restroom. I cast my eyes Heavenward and frantically prayed that both my (full & paid-for outside) shopping cart and my child would remain intact after this experience, all the while trying to ignore the "EW, PUBLIC RESTROOM GERMS!" paranoid Mommy Alert going off in my head.
I swear I heard a voice boom out - "And Pretty Gets a 9.5 from the Romanian Judge!" - as we washed up and left to find our (intact, thankfully) cart and do our next errands. Yes, delusions of Olympic grandeur for making it through a public restroom trip - where is that glamorous, eating bonbons while watching soaps Stay-At-Home-Mom life again?
We survived, but I may cut back on my drinking (water, people, water!) on errand days. At least the imaginary Romanians approved.
|Photo Credit: Ziem Photography|