Wednesday, November 2, 2011

In Which Mr. Darcy and Strippers Might Both Make an Appearance

In the (fictional, alas) BBC movie series of my life, I imagine myself buzzing about Elizabeth Bennet style, tossing off witticisms as I meet & marry my Mr. Darcy, produce 2.5 perfect little angels, and generally go about Prettifying the Planet. As with any Austen novel, any unpleasantness gets swept under the Aubusson rug offstage somewhere.




Alas, in my real-life Life, things are sometimes more Bravo TV than BBC, and the occasional thing I don't want to handle arises. This despite my Austen fangirldom and adherence to the WASP principle of If We Ignore This Issue Long Enough, It Will Go Away - Also, Will You Please Pass Me the Grey Goose, Dear ("IWITILEIWGAAWYPPMTGGD")?

Without getting into too much personal detail, here's the story - I trust the Anonymous Husband implicitly. I dislike bachelor parties implicitly, but with friends who keep insisting on getting married - I mean, how dare they? - those festivities continue to exist in direct defiance of my Jane Austen Rug of Denial rule. Discuss.

No, really, let's discuss, just this once - Smug Marrieds, are you a hard-line "no" on your spouse attending these? Or are you more in the "It depends" (laywered!) grey area camp where I tend to uncomfortably reside, where you give a green light with a long (LONG) list of rules expectations attached?

11 comments:

nestra said...

I don't have a hard line no on my spouse attending bachelor parties mostly because I would have a HUGE problem with him having a hard line no on my attending a bachelorette party (or really anything else).

Belle on Heels said...

I'm in the "it depends" camp as well. Basically our rule is don't do something you wouldn't want the other person to do. So if it's a bachelor party that simply involves a pro football game and lots of beer, he would be fine with the bachelorette party equivalent {Real Housewives marathon and wine?}. But he wouldn't be thrilled with me being at a party with strippers, so I guess a no-go for him as well. Such a strange, complicated issue.

Mrs. R said...

We always use the "if I did xyz, how would that make you feel" line and go from there.

I know for a fact he would not be thrilled if I went to a sin palace that had half naked men with manly bits all over the place.

Jessica said...

Nah, I don't care at all. Of the two of us, I'm much more likely to do something of which the other disapproves. The upside for him is that I can send him off to a bachelor party without a single qualm or emotional hiccup on my part and he is free to enjoy or not enjoy the night as he pleases. I think I'm in the minority on this, though.

Patty said...

UGH. Hate this issue. Unfortunately, it depends. Obviously on the activity, but even more importantly on the crowd. I also trust my husband implicitly. Some of his friends? Not so much. We are somewhat younger than you (sorry, I didn't mean for it sound like that) so this might not be an issue for you. But 20-something guys are just absolute fools. Even the best husbands can turn into idiots around the right crowd.

I'd allow it with serious, specific rules ahead of time. When in doubt, listen to your feelings (cheesy, but true.) If you FEEL uncomfortable about it, then it shouldn't happen.

Mrs. Lovely said...

Hubs can go but the rules are- no strippers and no strip clubs. I made a rule against male organ decor at my bachelorette party too. It's a personal issue- some of my girlfriends are more lenient than me, but it's just what you and your partner agree on.

Mrs. Type A said...

I am in the "it depends" category, but I feel like it would have to be something REALLY out of the ordinary for me to tell him "no." My husband is 25 and we are some of the first of our friends to get married...so there will continue to be bachelor parties for the next 5 or 10 years, I'm sure. My husband and I have dated so long that he is visibly uncomfortable in these types of situations in general. He tried the "no strippers" thing for his bachelor party but one of his friends (you all know the type of friend I'm talking about and I'm sure your husband has one!) hired two anyway, much to his embarrassment. In my own relationship I'm more worried that my husband will, being a 25 year old man, get extremely wasted and 1.) hurt himself or 2.) get arrested. But in the end, it generally ends with him getting a hangover and begging me to never let him go to one of these things again, so it works out!

Sincerely Sara Cate said...

I'm with Mrs. Type A on this one. I want him to go and have fun with friends AND I trust him, but there might be restrictions depending on the crowd. If any of the guys have histories of binge drinking accompanied by arrests, especially in Mexico (as you might be able to tell this scenario is not being made up)....he can forget it as I'm not ok with guilty by association or peer pressure.

Elz said...

I have no problems with him attending bachelor parties because I know nothing will happen. Honestly. I could say its all about trust, blah blah blah. If you're really worried, throw in a little Frederick's of Hollywood the week before!

The Shabby Princess said...

Hello, Mr. Darcy.

I think I'm in the grey area camp, in that it depends on the location, the group of people, the type of party, etc. Oh, and, also, my ability to use it as a guilt trip later to procure shiny things, handbags, shoes and vacations. Not necessarily in that order.

Kate said...

I guess I just don't understand the "trust the man but not the situation" thing. For me, it's analogous to "I trust my daughter but not so much on prom night" reasoning. Whether it's me going out with friends (for a bachelorette or a girls' weekend or whatnot) or him, we both know what's plain fun and what's crossing the line...so there's never any need for permission.

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