This isn't either of those situations, alas, but there was an insult, and I did respond. Picture the scene yesterday: Master P and I were on our usual Monday afternoon grocery run at our local organic & sustainably pretentious shop. My wee CEO was engrossed with his free store balloon, merrily nibbling on the green string as I pushed our cart into the checkout line. The register was manned by what looked to be a missing extra from a Judd Apatow movie - white boy 'fro (check), glazed expression (ahem) (check), and disheveled uniform (check) - which, given our South Austin location, is par for our famed "Keep Austin Weird" course here.
As I unloaded my cage-free cucumbers and whatnot onto the conveyor, our hero the cashier smirked and commented to Master P, who was clad in a hand-me-down madras romper bearing a certain polo pony logo, "Nice shirt, kid." My sarcasm meter perked up but, remembering my manners, I gave Seth Rogen's long-lost cousin the benefit of the doubt and sweetly responded on behalf of my one-year-old, "Thanks".
|Please excuse the repeat photo, but this is the offending outfit in question.|
"Yeah", he sneered, "Does he go horseback riding in that?"
(Brief pause as red spots of mom rage flash before my eyes)
"Oh, yes," I deadpanned, earnestly adding, "And to the polo matches too."
A look of surprise flashed across our hero's pock-marked face - is this yuppie for real?, I could see him puzzling - as I swiftly grabbed our (reusable!) bags and marched out of the store.
I can't decide what I'm more ashamed of - that I didn't take the high road (insert glassy-eyed South Austin store clerk joke here) and ignore his jab, or that I didn't come up with a brilliant response and then report him to his manager, since I'm guessing that teasing one-year-olds about their fashion choices isn't in the grocery store clerk job description.
Either way, let me be clear - on our next Monday afternoon grocery run, you best believe we'll be sporting our prep best. There will be polo ponies - hell, there may even be a popped collar involved too. On both of us. You keep Austin weird your way, and we'll keep it in ours, one madras romper at a time.