Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The (Im)perfect Polo Pony Comeback

You know those rare moments when you have just the right comeback to an insult, versus the usual thinking up the perfect response 5 minutes after the incident? Or, um, when you respond by being the bigger person and "turning the other cheek", as it were (or also "as I wouldn't know", since this is rarely my gut impulse)?

This isn't either of those situations, alas, but there was an insult, and I did respond. Picture the scene yesterday: Master P and I were on our usual Monday afternoon grocery run at our local organic & sustainably pretentious shop. My wee CEO was engrossed with his free store balloon, merrily nibbling on the green string as I pushed our cart into the checkout line. The register was manned by what looked to be a missing extra from a Judd Apatow movie - white boy 'fro (check), glazed expression (ahem) (check), and disheveled uniform (check) - which, given our South Austin location, is par for our famed "Keep Austin Weird" course here.

As I unloaded my cage-free cucumbers and whatnot onto the conveyor, our hero the cashier smirked and commented to Master P, who was clad in a hand-me-down madras romper bearing a certain polo pony logo, "Nice shirt, kid." My sarcasm meter perked up but, remembering my manners, I gave Seth Rogen's long-lost cousin the benefit of the doubt and sweetly responded on behalf of my one-year-old, "Thanks".

Please excuse the repeat photo, but this is the offending outfit in question.

"Yeah", he sneered, "Does he go horseback riding in that?"

(Brief pause as red spots of mom rage flash before my eyes)

"Oh, yes," I deadpanned, earnestly adding, "And to the polo matches too."

A look of surprise flashed across our hero's pock-marked face - is this yuppie for real?, I could see him puzzling - as I swiftly grabbed our (reusable!) bags and marched out of the store.

I can't decide what I'm more ashamed of - that I didn't take the high road (insert glassy-eyed South Austin store clerk joke here) and ignore his jab, or that I didn't come up with a brilliant response and then report him to his manager, since I'm guessing that teasing one-year-olds about their fashion choices isn't in the grocery store clerk job description.

Either way, let me be clear - on our next Monday afternoon grocery run, you best believe we'll be sporting our prep best. There will be polo ponies - hell, there may even be a popped collar involved too. On both of us. You keep Austin weird your way, and we'll keep it in ours, one madras romper at a time.

14 comments:

Whitericebryce said...

Stick Master P in a Velvet Smoking Jacket, Ascot cravat and some velvet monogrammed slippers and tell the clerk "Chop chop and make it snappy, the young master is late for his meeting with the Baroness."

Samma said...

HA! I agree with above!

ms. mindless said...

If you go the over the top polo route next week, please were two polo shirts layered with both collars popped.

Erin said...

You tell em momma! I can;t believe he made a crack at a one year old!! People are ridiculous. Please go in with popped collars next week and report back, HA

Natalie said...

I agree with Erin. People are so ridiculous!

Amy @ Forever 29 said...

Wow. As much as a love a good Judd Apatow character, they usually leave the kiddos alone. No way I would have known what to say!

AEOT said...

Seriously. Rock the pop, put him in khackis, sperrys and a grosgrain striped belt and take him back when you know said teen is working. Grrrrrrr.......people need to just HUSH when it comes to how people their kiddos!!

Perfectly Imperfect said...

That first comment is awesome! While I would like to pretend I would have taken the high road, I wouldn't have. I'd have snapped back. Don't knock style man.

J said...

OMG, you are awesome. That is so funny!

Princess Freckles said...

Go you!!! I might have said something actually rude and insulting like, "Yes, he does wear this horseback riding! What do you wear when you partake in extracurricular activities? A Bob Marley teeshirt and hemp pants? We find those a bit itchy...." Master P is one lucky, well styled little man and we both know if he ever has an after school job as a teenager, he'll be very polite to people from all walks of life, no matter how they're dressed, because he has good parents to guide him.

The Sekis said...

I can only assume that the offending party was wearing a green shirt emblazoned with a Whole Foods logo. I can (somewhat) assure you this exchange would not happen at certain other (ahem) grocery stores in your area. And if it did, I know someone who could help with that.

The Preppy Princess said...

Oh my word, everyone's thoughts are vastly superior to any not-bon mots I might contribute. They are riotous! Especially White Rice & AEOT & the Sekis, too funny! On a serious note, what a sniveling idiot, he is lucky you didn't pop in to the manager's office on your way out.

Sending you a smile Miss Pretty!
tp

PS: the insult to injury part of the equation is that he ripped on my Favorite. Madras. Romper. That's bad. Really, really bad.

LPC said...

He insulted your BABY? You have got to be kidding me.

Jen said...

hilarious!!!!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...