Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween, or That Time My Husband Tried to Turn Me into His Mother

'Tis the season for scary stories, so let's go back a few weeks to that time when I was moaning to the Anonymous Husband, hero of our tale, about the lack of viable Halloween costumes here in Austin. "I mean, everything I've found is triple fleece-lined for those trick or treating kids up in northern Canada," I observed. "I love the Great White North & all, but what is our kid here in likely-to-be-eighty-degrees Texas supposed to wear?"

Without a second thought or even a pause for dramatic irony, the AH opined, "Why don't you just sew him a costume? That's what my mom did for us every year." (emphasis added: mine, but I swear it was implied)

(cue dramatic spooky movie organ music)

Torn between hilarity and horror, I went with both, "HAHAHA I knew I shouldn't have cut that Home Ec class in law school. HAHAHA clearly I need to become your mother" (sidebar: I'm one of the lucky few with a tremendous mother-in-law - and a sewing one too, apparently - so this wasn't entirely facetious.) "Let me just whip out my sewing machine in all my free time when I'm not busy keeping your son alive and HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA."

(Blank stare from AH, who didn't know whether to laugh or hunker up in defensive fetal position)

"Or I could just keep looking for a costume - to purchase, I should add, not to lovingly sew - and save the money I'd spend on a sewing machine - HAAAAAA - for his college fund."

"Um, yes, let's go with that. Can we please talk about our feelings or anything else now?"

This isn't at all meant to be a ding on you crafty types, by the way. My inner Type A Minus, who secretly wishes I was more Martha Stewart-y, is jealous of those of you who whip up Halloween costumes and festive seasonal wreaths in your spare time. Part of me wonders whether there's something missing from my stay-at-home-mom DNA that I don't much enjoy those homemaker-y activities.

It's just that my "Minus" always wins out in the end, whispering in my ear that time crafting would be better spent catching up on the "Real Housewives" - the cast of which can be found, I should add, near many a plastic surgeon's office but nary a sewing machine. I'll have to settle for being the sort of stay-at-home mom who occasionally bakes cookies and otherwise tries her damndest by being there for every rehearsal or practice, spying on the neighbors, and other non-crafty SAHM essentials.

Behold our $10 consignment sale costume - any guesses how long that hat lasted?

A lover and a fighter.

Oh, and uh, happy Halloween! Anyone else have a scary husband-wanting-you-to-be-mom story of hilariterror to share?

13 comments:

Danielle said...

Oh, you have one of "those" MIL! Kidding, of course. I'm sure she's a lovely person.

Both of our costumes came from a consignment store too. It's the only way to go for an outfit that they will likely wear 1 time - make that 2 hours!

a. said...

I really did laugh out loud at this post because when I was pregnant one of those things I thought of was "I'm going to have to come up with a costume EVERY YEAR for this child!" And I'm certainly not Suzy Homemaker. The horror.

Carly Anne said...

Crafting makes me miserable. This may or may not have anything to do with the fact that I am terrible at it. I am great, however, at selecting other people's hand-crafted goods to purchase. Ahem.

Amy @ Forever 29 said...

I must say that's the cutest lil fighter pilot I've ever seen!

I told Mr. Banker that if he gave me a girl for #2 then I would learn how to sew. We know how that turned out, so I will go to etsy for all my crafty-sewn needs. Tell AH to place his costume order with his mom early next year.

I must say that's the cutest lil fighter pilot I've ever seen!

frachellea said...

Do I ever know about that - except it was my own mother doing the sewing. I didn't actually buy a costume this year b/c I was given two by well meaning friends who were terribly excited to help us celebrate our first Halloween. So, we wound up with a choice between a heavy fleece flower or a tulle adorned black onesie. Both cute, but not Texas appropriate costumes.
Great job on finding a fantastic costume - he looks absolutely darling.

The Preppy Princess said...

I like a woman who knows when to throw in the fabric, so to speak. There's only so much craftiness that can be expected! Besides, Master P couldn't look any cuter, he is the handsomest little fighter pilot ever!

Happy Halloween!
tp

Perfectly Imperfect said...

I'm still looking for my crafty bone. I thought you grew one of those after you pushed a kid out?!?!? No?

That costume is awesome. Good job Mom :)

Chas said...

Cutest Maverick ever!

I love when D says things like "maybe you could [insert non-essential household chore here, like finding an indoor recycling organizer thingy (WTF???)] while G is napping tomorrow. That would be nice."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Mrs. Lovely said...

I too have a crafty MIL who I ADORE, but sadly I don't even know how to turn on a sewing machine. She is also a fantastic cook so when we got married everytime I cooked dinner Hubs would ask "Did you use Momma's recipe or yours?" Or he'd lean over me and say "Momma does it this way." I finally told him if he wanted "Momma's way" he could ask her to drive 3 hrs every night to cook him dinner or not eat at all. What is it with well educated, self sufficient men clinging to how their mother does things?? Ha!

Sara said...

There's not much cuter than a boy in a flight suit!

Tippy said...

He looks adorable! And I'm SO with you on the non-crafty sahm. Someone mentioned scrapbooking the other day and I swear I started feeling itchy. SO not me.

International Woman of Mystery said...

My future mother-in-law and I will share the EXACT same initials after we marry. Let's just hope this bags us all the good silver from the family collection.

Thinktink said...

Dying over the "lover and a fighter" photo. Would love to see you both when you have time!

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