Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Undomestic Goddess Confessions: "Monica Closet" Ed.

An irregular series in which I air my dirty domestic laundry - sometimes literally - in the hopes of .  . . of . . . I'm not exactly sure what, but it's likely one of two things: (a) publicly shaming myself into doing better wife- and mom-wise or (b) dragging y'all down with me into the anti-Martha morass.

Newton's Fifth Law of Physics specifies that there will be a designated location in any household, no matter how tidy, wherein all items the owner knoweth not what to do with shall be concealed.

Or something like that. Whether it be due to physics or a certain late 90s sitcom, I'm living proof of my theory that everyone has a secret spot in their home for stuffing, well, out-of-rotation stuff. I try to be tidy, am allergic to clutter, and somewhat OCD about my personal closet space, yet my "Monica Closet" in the guest room remains:


The overflowing contents include my wedding dress - as preserved for the Imaginary Future Daughter, who will surely want to wear it - as well as ancient riding trophies, posters I'm hoping the Anonymous Husband will forget we own so they can "disappear", a few fancy dresses, and . . . actually, I'm not sure. 3.5 years after moving into Pretty HQ, I can't get in there to find out what else lurks within.

This wouldn't be a problem if we didn't have the occasional houseguest who - wait for it - wants to actually use the guest bedroom closet. I know! I can't believe their presumption either, but since said guests are either related to or friends with us, I feel obligated to pretend to consider making it available.

It gets worse - within my Monica Closet lurks a pile of lovely old family photographs I've been given to scan & preserve, having recently inherited the unofficial family historian job. Nearly a year later, here they reside:

This fabulous photo is of my late grandmother, the one who taught me the importance of Good Shoes & Good Husbands, preferably in that order.

Faced with the damning evidence, I did what any responsible housewife & mother would do:


I know. I need to clean the Monica Closet already, but . . . but what if it's like liposuction, and the bad stuff goes away temporarily, only to return to some other part of the house in two months? Wouldn't it be against the laws of physics, or at the very least, seriously cut into my "Rachel Zoe" viewing time? It's just all too overwhelming.

Hence the Monica Closet remains for now, but the family photographs scanning & framing resumes today.  No, really. I mean it.

Care to share your own Monica Closet secret?

9 comments:

Adrienne Pomeroy said...

I find things in my various closets all the time.  It's odd because I could of sworn that I told myself to get rid of it instead I just relocated to somewhere else in the house. Whooops!  I really enjoy your blog and always love to see a post pop up in my reader.  Happy Thursday!

Kristen Senese said...

My apt is Monica's closet because I have too much CRAP! Your grandmother looks like Grace Kelly. Beautiful!

www.beholdthemetatron.com

Amy said...

We have filled our whole house with stuff wayyyy to quickly. Mr. and I always seem to be moving stuff around and sing this little ditty "moving sh*@ aroudn, moving sh*@ around" :-)

Amid Privilege said...

I love that photo of your grandmother. Quite familiar:).

WhatKateWears said...

Is it always the daughter who becomes the custodian of family history and artifacts?! Mine is more appropriately referred to as the Monica basement, although it's nowhere near as bad (cough-cough) as it was a few years back, it is still a challenge.

I adore your grandmother, clearly prettifying the planet goes back several generations.
tp

Beach Bum & Baby said...

Your grandmother was absolutely stunning! She is so beautiful!!!

And I have a monica closet too!! It's in our guest room which I am about to turn into a "mom-office" if I can ever find time!!! 

Lisa said...

omg, if you could see my basement.  Except you couldn't see my basement, because it is an episode of Hoarders waiting to happen.  

Mrs Type A said...

Right now since we just moved a month ago our office is our Monica Closet... there is so much stuff in there that has no actual place.  I really need to figure out what to do with it all, but it just seems like that would be miserable...

ShabbyPrincess said...

I totally have a Monica Closet too. It's shameful. That picture of your grandmother is just gorgeous!

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