On top of that I had the guilt that came with admitting I needed a few hours away from my darling tot each week & having the luxury to do that. Pre-child me - the one who knew absolutely everything there was to know about parenting - would have been horrified by my eagerness to enlist childcare help.
I'm happy to report that the part of me not feeling Bad Mommy-ish about taking these two mornings is enjoying the (not Missoni) pants off of them. I confess that in the weeks prior to starting the sitter, I'd find myself sneaking off to check email or diddle around on posts here when I should have been 100% devoted to playing with Master P; my Invisible Internet Friend Meg spoke eloquently about this feeling a while back. I couldn't jam in all the cleaning house and showering and personal time and whatever else I needed to do during his daily naptime, so it had started leaking into my time with him.
Most importantly, Master P, my formerly independent tot who has recently been besieged by stranger & separation anxiety, adores his new sitter. When she arrives, he flaps his arms in the universal "WANT HUG NOW!" gesture at her & toddles off to play, barely concerned with my departure. It is simultaneously a relief & a miniature heartbreak, surely a sign of school drop-offs to come.
I won't say that I never take a phone call or check email now when I'm home with my boy, but in the weeks I've had some designated alone time I feel more able to devote my attention to him. I can close my laptop & more fully enjoy this
I'm grateful to have these few hours to do not only the Smug Mummy necessities (gym, doctor, dry cleaning - like "Jersey Shore" minus the booze, sadly) but also to carve out a few minutes to waste in a coffee shop. Waste isn't the right word, really - just to be, rather. I imagine one day the right part-time job or other volunteering may take the place of this, but for now, it is just right.
For anyone else feeling guilt about needing a bit of your own Smug Mummy space, I hereby wave my magic wand - is Hermes making those yet? - and give you my SM seal of approval.