Friday, July 1, 2011

This is a Test of the Emergency Uterine Broadcasting System

You people - the ones who were busy not telling me how some of us aren't cut out for that hellspawn newborn stuff - I blame you for this one too.

Yes, you.

You're the ones who see me at a party, learn that I'm a parent to a sparkly new 1 year old, and lead me straight off the small talk plank that all freshly minted moms - ok, most - ok, this one - dread, "So, when are you having your next kid?"

Short Answer: I'm inclined to ignore your question, Miss Judas. We've already covered this ground in my stirring State of the Uterus address; to sum up, my people will issue a press release the second my ladybits are occupied with issue (assuming if/when such a time happens). Look for my Bravo TV reality series, "From the Moment of Conception!" to follow immediately thereafter.

Long, Retired Lawer Answer: Dude. DUDE. It depends.

The AH & I pinky swore to discuss this topic once Master P turned one, having discussed before the possibility of having not just one but two Ralph Lauren ad-style children. We each have one sibling whom we enjoy most of the time & figured we might follow in two-child suit. Master P has since turned one . . . and, scene. Not a peep from either team.

The topic has been kicking around in my head, lo these two weeks since Master P's birthday. However, like a mental game of Whack-a-Mole, every time I begin to entertain the thought, NONONO MUST FIRST HAVE MORE SLEEP WINE TRAVEL GET BABY #1 POTTY TRAINED AND INTO PRESCHOOL FOR HIGHLY GIFTED & TALENTED TODDLERS IF NOT OXFORD CAPS LOCK PANIC pops up & squishes the thought with a definitive splat.

Ahem. So there's that.

Like we chit-chatted about in that baby hater post, I find myself relieved to be done with Master P's newborn stage. I feel vaguely guilty about that. However, if another baby could show up cooked Medium Well, so to about 7-8 postpartum months done, and look just like my husband and have all of his good qualities and none of my (many) bad ones, we'd be in baby #2 business yesterday.

Absent the stork making an appearance - or you nice people agreeing to raise spawn #2 through the newborn stage - I think I need a drink & a while. A few whiles, maybe.

The Pretty Pug, seen here hovering under the high chair waiting for Master P to begin his customary food flinging, is pro-baby #2 - or pro-baby #2 once we hit the dine-n-fling era, that is.
On the other (manicured) hand, I'm 33. I have PCOS to boot, so I don't take my old lady self & iffy ladybits for granted. We've discussed adoption - I was raised & unofficially adopted by my late, fabulous grandparents, so I particularly have a liking for this option - but I'm cognizant of keeping our, ya know, biological options open too.

To conclude, nosy small talk partygoers - we may try at some point! Or we may not! I have faulty ladybits that may factor in somehow! Um. Aren't you glad you asked!?!

Any advice, darlings, if you have more than 1 kid on how to time a second child (to the extent any of this is in our hands, that is?)

More importantly, what's the question asked at parties once you're definitively done having kids? Is colonoscopy chit-chat next, or do we do a few years in school board purgatory first?


Tess said...

I think EVERYONE has an opinion on this. I do, and I don't even have kids yet!

But wait, hear me out. I've worked in Ob/Gyn research with pregnant ladies and have found myself in this conversation quite frequently, so my opinion is really just this - there is no RIGHT opinion!

Cop out, I know, right? But seriously. You will find people that were 2 years apart and HATED their sibling. You will find people who were 4+ years apart, and STILL HATED their sibling. You will find people who were 2 years apart and BFFs, 4 years apart and BFFs (I am in this camp), 5+ years apart and get along well (also in this camp), and 10+ years apart and fond of but less close to their siblings (I'm in that camp, too - big and well spaced family). There is NO way you can know what your kids' relationships will be like ahead of time. So I think you just have to decide what will work best for you and the AH.

Want to knock two kids out and get back to rockin' your bad MILF self? Do it! Want to take a couple years off, to enjoy not having a newborn? That's okay too!

Good luck. :) I'm looking forward to this stage of my life (med school takes up all my time now - so no kiddos for me yet).

Carly Anne said...

I recently told the Mister that I have reluctantly decided that we need to have three children. Not because I want three children, but because one of them is bound to be an asshole. Or turn on me. Or both. "There's always one," I told him. To which he replied, "What do you mean 'there's always one?' I know lot's of families where all of the kids are smart and well-adjusted." To which I fell silent and thought to myself, perhaps this paradigm only exists amongst my family and friends. To which I began a larger, self examination. To which I finished off a bottle of pinot and passed out on the couch.

Kate said...

I think the great thing about figuring your timetable out on your own (or deciding on just one) is that you have only your own experience to compare it to! People can rant or rave all they want about why it's "best" one way or another...but they will never be YOU and however you choose will have some hard parts and some amazing parts. So F*ck what everyone else thinks you should do;)

Our two are 2 years apart & it was hard at first, but gets easier every year. I hear that going from two kids to three is easier than going from one to two...but I don't intend to ever find out!

wendy30076 said...

Mine are 26 months apart and I would not recommend this. You have 2 babies basically both in diapers. It was so hard! Now mine are 5 and 7 which is nice but for a year it's tough- I would recommend putting 3-4 years between children. If you wait any longer they get so easy that you just say forget it and stick with one :-) I was 35 and 37 so that was the reason I had them so close- worried about the biological clock.

Lisa said...

I say wait till your kid can blow his own nose before having another. Mine are 5, 3 and 2 and my youngest was a weeeee bit of a surprise and I have to tell you I AM TIRED. For a while I was on a lunacy streak of wanting a fourth, but I was delirious from lack of sleep. (To be honest I wouldn't mind a fourth kid, or even a fifth, but only if I do not have to gestate them. That shit is for the birds. So over being pregnant.)

My kids are 25 months and 20 months apart, and my opinion is that three years apart seems nice :-) (On the other hand, my sister and I are 4 years apart and we hated each other till our thirties.)

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