Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Babies Are Jerks: Or, A Pirate Mama Looks at 1

(*Avert your eyes, delicate ones!*)

"Babies are assholes", my Junior Leaguing, pearl-wearing dinner companion last weekend whispered to me conspiratorially, only after looking left & right to ensure no one overheard. "You will never find someone with less regard for your welfare than a newborn."

After nearly falling off my chair from laughter and prosecco, I myself furtively looked left & right before responding, "You're so right. Why didn't anyone mention that before we actually had them?"

Before you baby lovers go clutching your burp cloths, appalled at this exchange & how anyone could question the preciousness of wee darling angel baby smooshyfaces, let me remind you that I love Master P with the inextinguishable fire of a thousand suns. It's just that I thought those suns were conspiring to kill me with exhaustion and frustration the first few months of his life.

I should note that those of you who had those angelic newborns who cooed and fell asleep on their own and awoke only to gaze at you lovingly - this post (this blog) is not for you. Thank you for understanding.

Anywhoodle, I've mentioned this before, but I find that every month with Master P gets a little easier & a lot more fun. That fiery independence he's shown from day one - he may look like his daddy, but he gets that dislike of being told what to do from, um, someone else - that made for such struggles when he was a dependent, yet schedule averse newborn, is now evidencing itself in different, mostly wonderful ways.

He's feeding himself and easily dropped bottle-feeding, thrilled to be drinking and dining on his own. He won't let me rock him anymore before he sleeps, preferring to babble and roam around his crib to put himself down. Sure, the mini-tantrums have started brewing when I take away a favorite toy, but - so far - it's enjoyable finally seeing his preferences come out. He's always the first kid to strike off on his own, toddling around in the Toddler Music Class of Hilarious Terror, and the first to attempt to do so in swim class:

Not at all pleased with Mom's attempts to keep him from flinging himself into the pool

Approximately 3 seconds from telling Mom - loudly - exactly how displeased he is with her swim suicide prevention

Freed from Mom's cruel restraint, Master P speeds over to the kiddie pool - only to be intercepted yet again.
I tangibly, wholly adore my fearless, independent now-toddler & have from the get-go, but I can't tell you how much I enjoy this age more than the newborn stage. Part of me feels guilty for saying that, but if you're a potential parent or in the throes of new parenthood with one of those babies that doesn't magically sleep & coo on command, know this - it gets better.

The funny thing is, as I've quizzed more people recently, it turns out there are many of us who prefer an older stage of little people - in fact, I'm told by moms of older kids that "It gets better at 3" and "Just wait until he can talk." I'm happy enough with the stage we're at now, but I'm encouraged to hear that I have much to look forward to as well.

Please remind me of this should my ovaries start clack-clack-clacking in want of having another b-a-b-y. Given the conspiracy of unicorns-and-rainbows silence before I had Master P, I expect precisely none of you to say anything, so in exchange I'll let you care for Baby #2 for the first 6 months of his/ her life. Not to worry - I'm kidding. Sort of. Deal?

10 comments:

Belle on Heels said...

the eye-rolling in picture #2 is to die for. and my mother told me she spent most of teenage years telling herself, "they might have attitudes, but they sleep and eat and dress themselves, so no complaints here." she was none to thrilled with the cooing and diaper years.

Rachel said...

I couldn't agree more with this entire post. For me, the newborn-5ish month period was my least favorite. All of my friends painted this picture of how *perfect* the first few months would be - THEY LIED! It's not fun at all, really. Now that Connor is 10 months and almost an independent walker, I find more joy in our relationship. Everyone is warning me of how 'hard' it'll be when he's walking and talking, but I'm welcoming both with open arms. Every single day his independence shines through a little brighter and because of that, every single day I enjoy motherhood a little bit more! Great post!

The Shabby Princess said...

Um, this cracked me up.

Wendy said...

Hilarious. I love your no-holds-barred approach to mommyhood. We should all be so honest. My first few months of life with my little man were really rough too, added onto that my PPD, and we were all a mess for quite a while. But yes, he is now 6 and I love him so very much and my heart aches when he is away. The newborn months were awful to me, but since he hit about one, things were so much better for us!

Legally Fabulous said...

Oh Master P's swim trunks/top are SO cute!

I babysit for a kid who was the same way about the pool suicide. His mom signed us up for mommy and me swim classes (yeah, I know...) (also, as a 21 year old college junior I certainly did not own any mommy and me appropriate swimsuits) (all the smug mommies thought I was a slutty bandeau topped single mother), and at about 8 months old he was kicking me in the gut trying to dive bomb in to the pool.

And you're right... they get so much more fun when they're older. Well... until they turn in to middle schoolers, but that's a whoooole different story. Ha!

Carly Anne said...

Well, I'm just glad for your honesty. In fact, I'm bookmarking this post. And, when I have my own hell-spawn bent for my personal destruction, I will refer to it for a glimmer of hope.

Llama said...

HAHA! I think you are just being honest. I cant even imagine how tough it is to take care of a newborn...although with a toddler there is a new world of challenges! HAHA enjoy every moment sweetie!

Michelle said...

bwahahaha. i am all too aware of the hell that those little bastards impose in the first few months. i will do what i can to remind you of this every chance that i get. however, with such incredibly adorable photos of wee ones such as you posted above it's far too easy to forget all of that nonsense and focus entirely on the cuteness, no?

for a different kind of girl said...

I'll swap you a moody teenage boy, at least on a short term basis, to get you toughened up for the future... :)

LPC said...

At some point, didn't I tell you so? In a wholly loving non-judgmental good Internet friend kind of way? :)

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