Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Operation MILF: The Mom-ouflage

I had a post cooked up for today which - wait for it - had nothing whatsoever to do with babies - when your overgenerous comments from yesterday made me realize perhaps I needed to clarify this MILF outfit project thingy.

Part of me is thrilled that any of you would think I strut around in spit-up free white jeans & a fancy top a la Mrs. Beckham day in & out. Lord knows most of the time I go out of my way to perpetuate that very misapprehension, so I thank you from the bottom of my icy little heart for playing along with me.

However, the other, slightly more vocal bit of me feels compelled to share with any other aspiring MILFs out there the outfit I throw on mornings when I don't have a special occasion sort of day (now defined as playgroup or a Junior League meeting, BTW) ahead, or when Master P just isn't cooperating with a shower-time nap - I call this the Mom-ouflage.

Plus, one of you seasoned moms reading my drivel will surely out me if I don't do it myself, and we all know what a crabby, overcaffeinated lot they can be. (Kidding - love you!) (No, really!) (Parentheses!)

Below is the version of my usual Mom-ouflage, tossed on this morning as I had to scramble out the door sans shower to make an appointment. I was tempted at first to retake this blurry photo, but the effect gives you a more realistic picture of this MILF-in-training attempting to save Master P from his swan dive of death to grab the iPhone:


If you squint you can make out the vague outlines of a workout outfit, worn both for ease of wear and to create (false) impression of having skipped said shower due to intense workout. I've added mascara & diamond studs so as to not totally offend those we encounter, but that is the extent of the fussy on a Mom-ouflage day.

Any brand new Smug Mummies or soon-to-be's out there, you'll be living in your variation of this for the first six months or so. Don't worry about getting your dressier daytime MILF wardrobe organized until your wee precious babe is a bit older; relax & go back to resenting people who are getting normal amounts of sleep.

So if you spot a newish Mom in the wild sporting the Mom-ouflage, maybe find a spot in your own chilly little heart to wish her well & a shower sometime soon. 

And so We conclude the honesty part of the program. You may all go back to believing I swan around in Jimmy Choos 24/7henceforth. Thank you for understanding.

5 comments:

Amy @ Forever 29 said...

I'm so guilty of putting on workout clothes to imply the intense workout :-)

thepreppyprincess said...

You know what? I *totally* get that "my skin doesn't fit right" neurosis, more than I care to acknowledge, and have to continually fight the urge to wallow in that place. Good on you for enjoying where you are.

I must ask, does Master P (also prettifying the Pretty Planet I must say) do the swan-dive-of-death frequently? If so, how does one retain sanity? (This is why I could never be a mother, I would simply sit on the child until he/she reached age eighteen. That probably wouldn't be good for the child.)

Sending you a smile!
tp

Mrs. R said...

I am right there with you, yet again. I was pretty solid before the baby, now I am soft. Everywhere! I still say to myself, what happened? I tried doing plies and squats, but then realized I walk up the stairs at home all the time and gave up. I have accepted where I am and hubby still loves me, so the hell with it!! Besides, I build up my arm strength by picking up my baby 1000x's a day. My legs/behind will be more firm when I start running after Blake once he starts crawling/walking. At least that is what I am telling myself. We will see where I am at in a month or two. LOL!!

a H.I.T. said...

After a trip to the park, where every mom with a child under two was in work out clothes, I immediately told Husby I needed to go to Lulumon. He didn't understand why - mainly because I'm 7 months pregnant. To fit in, I told him. Looks like I'll have to wait another few months before I can become a member of this club.

Tracy said...

I remember these days. I love my kids deeply, but I don't miss it at all.

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