Smug Mummy Style: The Mom Uniform Edition

 Subtitle: "Just Because I Had a Baby Doesn't Mean I Stopped Being Remarkably Vain" 

It was more a series of events than any one moment I can identify . . .

. . . maybe it was the morning the Anonymous Husband marched into the living room, freshly scrubbed & adorable in his business casual best, to say goodbye to Master P & me. He took one look at me in my usual morning-about-the-house getup - which I dearly wish I could tell you involves a fascinator & vintage smoking jacket, but in actual fact is more of the battered hotel robe & pj bottoms ilk - he paused, and sweetly whispered, "I think you have spit-up in your hair." 

. . . or maybe it was the 502nd time I sandwiched myself into my pre-pregnancy jeans, a process involving prayer and little oxygen. I've lost most of the 20 30 pounds put on in pregnancy but am left with different wobbly bits than before. Feeling the burn of waistlines past, I looked deep into bathroom mirror and wondered, "At least they're on?" before giving up and throwing on my out-of-date but comfy cargos yet again.

Whatever the motivation, I realized that I was inadvertently slipping into the Mom Look, one slippery slope and a few wine spritzers away from Chicoville. Not that I object to flowy pastel kaftans for Women of a Certain Age ("WOACA"), and I freely give myself & all other new moms a sartorial hall pass for the first six months or so of a baby's (whirlwind, sleep-free) newborn life. However, I've got a few more years to WOACA status and a reputation to uphold, so I'm not ready to let go and let Croc yet.

And so I'm setting about revamping the Pretty. Yes, there will be necessary concessions to my new stay-at-home-mom normal; I'll be investing in more quality ballet flats & sandals than my previously beloved heels. Any day dresses bought need to be at-home-wash friendly and long enough to let me bend & pick up my precious darling (vs. the "bend & snap" of years past). New tops need to acknowledge the changed landscape of my abdomen; abs, we hardly knew ye & won't again until time opens up for that tummy tuck those diligent workouts.

Another nod to reality - there will be sick days like today and "Why can't I manage to get in a shower? WHY???" days where the Mom-ouflage (baseball hat, giant sunglasses, yoga pants, workout-y top - classed up with pearl or diamond studs, naturally) will be in effect. We may not be rested enough to actually work out, but we may as well look as though we have & make everyone wonder How We Do It All - and trot out the Royal "We" while we're at it.

Let's bust out a Polyvore, shall we?  Here's what I've been going for lately Mom Uniform -wise, slowly adding items as naptime & revamped one-income budget permits .  . .

• Patterned Tunics: some may say tunics are merely a rest stop or two away from Kaftanville; I say there's a discernible waistline here, but one forgiving enough for the post-baby belly. The pattern is intentional, all the better for disguising baby ookiness. 

• Non-Diaper Bag Diaper Bag: Before baby, I devoted countless hours to finding just the right diaper bag - the one that now lives in the Trophy Wife Wagon with backup supplies because I fit everything I need in this (patterned & dark, to better mask stains) Le Pliage.

• Stylish Sandals: because if I buy one more be-logoed pair of Tory Burch, people will begin to think I've joined a shoe-based cult.

• Cropped Jeans, in my current size: Sigh. In white (Yes, I stained them within 10 minutes of putting them on) & dark rinse.

• Updated Accessories: Gold bangles - jangly ones to entertain Master P with - and fab tortoiseshell watch

More to come on the Smug Mummy Front, including dealing with (denying) the post-baby body wasteland, Mom-ouflage, and date night wardrobe updates...