Putting the "Lock" on "Schlocky"

I can't help it.

Not to get too teenagery faux-meta on your Pretty arses, but my usual default approach to the world is one of detached bemusement. It isn't intentional, but I generally find myself living the Lloyd Dobler* philosophy - if I can couch my enthusiasm about any given subject with a comfortable layer of irony and enough "Flight of the Conchords" episodes, it won't hurt as much if it doesn't turn out as I'd secretly hoped.

*Why, yes, I will be making outdated 80s movie references as long as we both shall live, forever and ever, amen. Deal with it.

But this time, I can't help it. I'm happy. Excited, even.

(Alert: Smug Singletons, here's where you should click over to another blog. You're welcome.)

I had another good ultrasound last week; the baby ("Grand Master P"? Or is that just too much for this white girl to pull off?) continues to look healthy. As my Twitter friends know, I'm pretty sure I felt him kick for the first time too.

This is real. This might actually be happening. I have absolutely no control over how it all will work out, but it's happening.

And I'm 100%, absolutely, un-ironically, thrilled about it. Happy. Occasionally terrified, what with that whole lack of control thing, but happy. Full stop.

Does this mean I'll be giving up my protective layer du sarcasm anytime soon? God, I hope not. Jon G*osselin is bound to do something else stupid, so it's only a matter of time (brief, I imagine).

Until then, I can't help it. Happy.*

*PS - I owe you all a "bump" picture update, which I will provide upon the earlier to appear of the following: (1) free Photoshop program; or (2) the magical anti-acne, ahem, "Pregnancy Glow" potions I've ordered. Thank you for your understanding.

Prettier Than Everyone Else: Budget Beauty Finds, Winter '10

***Secret Blog Police Disclaimer: This post was sponsored by no one. Sadly, I purchased all of the following with my own personal money. ***

Ooh, look, a post that has nothing very little to do with the State of the Uterus!

I feel like We've lost our focus on being Prettier Than Everyone Else around here lately - not to mention our overuse of the Royal "We" - and for this, I apologize. I mean, it isn't as if I've grown any less vain just because I'm, you know, that "P" word we're definitely not discussing today.

Like everyone in These Difficult Times, I've had re-evaluate my beauty budget & cut back where I can. Winter is the most challenging time to do so, bringing the unique beauty challenges it does, but happily, I've had much better luck in the drugstore aisles as of late. My recent favorites include:

(Just try not to be overwhelmed by the glamorous top-o'-the-toilet pics. I dare you.)

L'oreal EverPure Sulfate Free Color Care System (long names, anyone?), Volumizing Shampoo & Conditioner ($6.99 each): As an unabashed Hair Snob, I never thought my fine, limp, highlighted* locks would meet the discount match of my favorite pricey brands, Pureology & Kerastase.

*Note to "P" Word Police: my doctor says highlights are 100% fine. Nanny nanny boo boo.

Imagine my surprise, then, when this new, inexpensive line came out. It's light enough to volumize my oil-prone roots, but the conditioner properly hydrates my dry ends too. As if that weren't enough, one bottle will last you months; I'm halfway through at month 4.

I do cheat once a week with this uberluxe deep conditioner, but am otherwise delighted to chuck my prior pricey suds for this duo. As "S&TC" Samantha once intoned, done and done.

Boots Botanics for Target "Purifying Face Scrub" ($7.99) & "Responsive Moisture Lotion" ($9.99) : Thanks to that, ahem, "Glow" I mentioned, I've found myself in a quandary - finding affordable skincare that addresses both my dry winter skin and my scourge de adolescent acne, ideally with some anti-aging goodies to boot. AND, due to that P word we won't address today, the most effective anti-aging /combination skin elixirs - dear, sweet Retin-A, how I miss thee - aren't an option for me right now.

Enter Target & their new Boots line, already popular in the UK but new to us here. I've been skeptical, but in two weeks of use, this combo has quelled the worst of the Scourge. Most impressively, the moisturizer is enough for my dry skin, but slightly mattifies as it goes on.

Overall verdict: After two weeks, good progress on the acne / dry winter skin front, but this regime probably doesn't adress my fine lines & sun spots concerns. I will stick with this duo while I look to add a P Word safe (1) sunscreen, (2) serum, and (3) eye cream. Hint: Any suggestions for this list = my undying love. I've already promised that to the AH, naturally, but have apparently done so so many times that it has been rendered, uh, less persuasive.

Alba Coconut Lip Balm ($3.99) (you all know what lip balm looks like, no?): Along with the, ahem, "Glow" came chapped lips. I've long been a fan of the Alba line, and this balm is no exception - rich, smells like a beach vacation, and cleared up the dryness within days.

Any other new budget finds I - ahem, We - should add?

The Things They Don't Tell You, and Other New Year's Non-Resolutions

Hello again, my lovelies! I've been off ringing in the New Year by . . . well, not drinking champagne* nor making any resolutions of any sort whatsoever except for the one stating how much I resolutely miss champagne.

*NOTE TO PREGNANCY POLICE: Or any other intoxicants, for that matter. Sigh.

This whole lack-of-champagne-itis reminded me of one of the largest lies told to me in my "Can I really be a mom?" pre-pregnancy phase of interrogating my mom-type girlfriends. Friends (said in my best, homespun Sen. McCain voice), those so-called allies who tell you that glass of wine won't occasionally call your name, siren-like, during your pregnancy have had one too many hits off the unicorns-and-rainbows sippycup.

Having always admired the straightforward pregnancy & mommy posts from bloggers like you and you, I figured I'd start copying them noting the other Pregnancy Things They Don't Tell You, or Flat Lie About ("PTTDTYOFLA", anyone?) here as I run across them. This isn't meant with the intent of scaring anyone, of course, but if you're of the mind as I am of going into (estrogen) battle fully armed, read on.

In my whopping seventeen weeks of pregnancy - I'm clearly an expert by now - the biggest, lardiest PTTDTYOFLAs so far:

1) The Pregnancy Police - not only is the Pregnancy Police - hello, I know you're lurking out there, just waiting for me to make a mistake! - a very real group, dedicated to peppering you with unsolicited advice and judgment throughout the 40 weeks of pregnancy, in my experience the PP is largely comprised of men. As in, that gender that is by nature unable to actually bear a child. I'd heard rumor of the PP before, but had no idea it allowed Y-chromosome types into the club.

*Fun Related Project* - keeping a straight face as a male, card carrying member of the Pregnancy Police delivers an unprompted lecture on why natural childbirth at home is the only responsible choice and makes mothers more in-tune with their babies. I bear no judgment on the truth of the lecture, but . . . but . . . see above about the manly, non-child-bearing parts of the lecturer . . .

2) The Pregnancy "Glow" - if by "glow" they mean "acne of a intensity and nature not seen since sophomore year of high school", then yes, anticipate having a glow. This, ahem, glow, doesn't strike everyone, thankfully, but I wish I had researched some good organic, nasty-chemical-free, PP-approved options before The Teenage Face, Part II struck.

3) Retail Replacement - There is a retail high greater than or equal to the Handbag High, and it is known as nursery furniture. With this new high comes the slightly less delightful aspect of safety worries - back in my purse prime, I never worried whether Marc Jacobs carried suffocation risk (aside from the price tags) - but it's a fun one nonetheless.

Behold the blue-n-brown nursery inspirations with which I'm daydreamily working obsessively Googling for the baby boy - yes, boy - en route. Because, in the words of one of my bestest Invisible Internet Friends (with a private blog, otherwise I'd credit her here), "I'm down with fetal gender stereotyping":

(Credit: Restoration Hardware)

More from the trenches, just as soon as I finish eating. Again.