*Have I told the tale here of how the AH & I came to be? Remind me if not - because nothing says "fascinating" like somebody else's schlocky love story.
My most recent revisiting was prompted by a baby shower this past weekend; ostensibly, I was there to co-host, but of course I also used this as yet another totally self-centeredopportunity to question The Move. As I took a moment to survey the shower, in a room full of old friends and that irritatingly perfect San Diego sunshine, I couldn't help but wonder - again - at what I am missing out on having moved here to the Great State.
And yet. Yet.
Incrementally, infinitesimally, with each visit I see that the conversations don't flow quite as easily with most of my old friends. A bit more time passes in between each email exchange. Without my having realized it, we just don't have as much in common anymore, not without that effortless bond of school, geographic proximity, and an ill-advised penchant for surfers uniting us. Not even the obnoxiously ideal weather - have I mentioned how perfect it is? - can blind me to it.
How does any of this glorified journal entry - slash - identity crisis have any possible relevance? It doesn't, not in the Grand Scheme of Things. Thing is - I've been surprised that with this whole "P Word" condition I'm in, the question of who I am, and what my, er, unborn child eventually takes from that, suddenly seems important, hugely so.
My son will be born a Texan. A Texan. While I'm delighted this will give him a de facto working knowledge of Good Manners* and football, how do I incorporate my background into the raising of this little guy, when I'd always envisioned my kids growing up amidst the palm trees and my old friends and all the other unnaturally good-looking people back home? We'll muddle through and figure it out, I suppose, existential "where is home?" questions featuring relatively low on the newborn scale of life needs.
*I love you, California, but I've had enough doors slammed in my face by our strapping young men to know that we're lacking in the Chivalry Department. Hop to it, Gubernator.
And in the meantime, I'll take some comfort in knowing that although I come from a place full of beautiful people and, uh, places, that Austin is slowly, incrementally, infinitesimally feeling more like home too. More and more often, I find myself wanting to spend weekends here, not only because I should but because I want to.
Maybe home can be in two places after all. *
*Especially when the AH eventually buys us a beachfront vacation villa back in La Jolla, that is - work hard, Handsome!
19 Comments:
I am, ironically, in the exact opposite situation! A Texan (Austinite) through and through, now recently living in California.
I constantly go back and forth on my decision to be out here and miss Austin, but it is a whole new adventure.
I guess at the end of the day I'm grateful for the journey, but Austin will always have my heart!
I hear you. I've lived in LA for almost 9 years now, but I still catch myself calling Boston home. And the idea of a kid who isn't a Red Sox fan is just strange :)
I suffer from a similar mental crisis when I think of the fact that I will be raising a child of two yuppie lawyers (if that opportunity presents itself), who will be chauffeured around in BMWs and living in University Park and not the daughter of a small town farmer, as I am.
Yes, I too miss home...Oregon..I miss everyone in it!
But no matter what I will try and do my darn-dest to not go back!
I miss alot of things about it...
And I will continue...but I love my new home...the people suck.are stupid.but oh well.
Texan (esp. Austin) boys are pretty great! You'll raise a good one, definitely.
I think you've got it right here. Home can be 2 places. You are seeing the value of your new home and you will have ties to the old and your son will get some of that Ca cool but also the best of the Texas chivalry because you will teach him both.
Ahhh, LBM...you offer your little one so much more by having two places to call home. And you absolutely can have two homes! You will always be a west coast girl and I think that's easily transferred by amniotic fluid or extended visits to the land of the beautiful. He'll just use "ma'am" and look natural in cowboy boots. Perfect combo! :)
As long as the little one has a Texas accent, he/she will be fine! ;-) Great thoughts and perspective. I love how you think! They aren't kidding when they say having a kid changes everything!
And I WILL be visiting said beachfront mansion in La Jolla, yes?
As long as your son understands the importance of In N Out, I believe that he'll be just fine :)
Hope you had a nice trip "home".
This realization didn't hit me until my children were young teens. I was visiting my father for a huge family reunion and we were talking about our love of Southern Cal and always being a Calfornian - even though we all had moved from there at some point. My daugher perked up, and in the sweetest, charming, southern drawl said, "but Poppa, I am a Southern girl." The reality that she was truly a Southern (and not just SOUTHERN California) hit me. My children love sweet tea, festivals complete with beauty queens, pork bbq, big trucks, country music to an extent, and hanging out on the dock at the river. None of this was my life until, well, just before they came into my life, as that is when I settled here (NC). To say that it didn't bother me a bit - that they claimed the South, and I, the sunny coast of Calfornia - would be a lie.
Good post!
You know I miss San Diego too. I know that I don't want my kids to be to "Los Angelinos" but we just have not been able to upgrade to our La Jolla villa yet!
I completely understand! While the people are much nicer here in Austin, and the cost of living is cheaper, I miss my Florida "winters" and living 10 minutes from white sand beaches. The lake just isn't going to do it for me come summer. Ahhh ... luckily my boyfriend is worth it or I'd be wayyy depressed!
I think the gloomy weather is getting to you. Cheer up! It will be sunny and in the 80's before you know it. I hope you will someday embrace Austin as a great city to live in (except for the traffic.) I miss breakfast tacos from Maudie's. Mexican Martini's at the Cedar Door, and reading the sign at El Arroyo.
Originally from a small town back east, I now live in SD. I LOVE it here. I do worry about raising kids here at times because of our lack of a huge backyard to run around in (I grew up with acres)-- and the fact that the kids out here grow up with so much priviledge. But I guess that's more of an argument of a small town vs. a city. I guess if I want some space, we'll just head to the beach for a couple hours and pretend we have ocean front property! :)
Aaanndd...I must agree with you on the lack of manners for *most* of the men out here. How nice that your son will be able to have a little of that Texas charm! ;)
I think about that all the time - we're orginally from east Texas, and now living in the panhandle of Florida. I'm not liking the idea of our future children growing up around palm trees, beach and materialistic people who can't drive. I want them to grow up with pine trees, cows in the pasture, pickup trucks, family and the ability to play in the dirt.
I just keep telling myself that we are both Texans, it's always with us and our future babies will have the morals and mentality we do. They will learn to say "yes/no maam/sir", hold doors, say "thank you", and wave at passing cars like we do.
I've also lost a piece of all my friend relationships back home. First it was because I married a military man (he's out now), so I was dealing with the though ofmy husband not coming home and they were trying to decide if they were going to go out and get alcohol poisoning or not. *lol* Now it's because I'm still married to the military guy, moved out of state twice, married six years and wanting to have a baby. Most of my friends haven't grown up that much, even if they are married. Sometimes it's hard to move on, but I just keep telling myself I knew then when I once was that person.... and now I'm happier that I'm not her anymore.
Party in La Jolla when? Seriously, don't worry too much about this - my mother was a DIE HARD NYer, born and raised. She would literally gag when she said the words "New Jersey" or "suburbs." And although I was raised in the suburbs (dragged from the city at the tender age of four), my mom instilled in me a respect and love for the city from that moment on. She taught me history, and told stories and when she could, we would take field trips. I know SoCal is further away and the field trips might be fewer, but you can still share those places that are important to you with your Texas son. And he can then make you proud by holding the door open for some So Cal lady.
When I lived in DC I always felt at home there, yet Tampa was where my fam was, so that was home too! I think you can share the love!
I know it's not quite the difference between CA and TX, but I grew up in NY and our child will grow up in CT and there are very different personalities at play there - one place is just minutes from NYC and the other is the heart of prepdom and Yankee-ville (the people, not the team).
La Jolla? OMG, I love La Jolla! My BFF lived just outside of La Jolla, and I was always in love with PB, Mission Beach, sigh.......I want a beach house there, so bad.
I was resigned to the fact that my girl was born a Texan. I couldn't exactly fly to NY to have her, now could I?
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