"The Singing Uterus", or "How I Make Important Life Decisions"

It started early in 2005 with the occasional bookstore trip, when I'd make an uninterested pass through the fiction shelves before zeroing in on my real target - the wedding magazine aisle.  These furtive dalliances with "Martha Stewart Weddings" led a few months later to my diving ring-finger first into that black hole of online wedding planning, "The Knot".  

Only after I'd skulked around those pages & sites for months did it slowly occur to me, "Hey, I might be ready to marry this man!", the one I'd been dating for one year by this point.  Yes, reader - I may be Pretty, but I'm not always the swiftest to the finish line.  Happily, the Anonymous Husband* proposed shortly thereafter, so I didn't think much about the timing of secretive research vs. reality.  

*The guy I was ready to marry = the AH, fortunately.  

Until now.

IRONY ALERT:  The very blogger who warned you to stopstopstop it already and quit asking everyone, including me, about our up-to-the-minute plans to procreate, is about to venture into a discussion of those estrogen-addled waters herself.  Much like someone insulting your mother, it doesn't count when you're the one doing it.  So there. Nanny nanny boo boo.

Fast forward to last week, when one of those moments snuck up on me during a morning Starbucks trip.  As I stood impatiently in line, already running late for work, a toddler wobbled in front of me.  Her black curls akimbo, she made those "Look at me!" toddler eyes and smiled as she swung around to proudly show off her sparkly blue fairy wings.

Cue my ovaries clack clack clacking like biological castanets, tapping out in perfect time, "OMG, fairy wings!  You can do this mommy thing, Mel!  Don't you want a child of your very own to dress in whimsical costumes?!?"  My inner reverie breaks only to note the harried mother of said toddler, who has apparently seen the fairy wings act already & grabs the girl's hand to hurry to the door.

In truth, this is one of many moments that have crept up on me over the past few months.  I've honed my Nancy Drew** sleuthing skills yet again, only this time in the "parenting" bookshelves and those delightfully paranoid baby websites that tell you the 5,076,892 ways you can poison your child before he or she is actually conceived.

**I'm missing her ability to solve the crime in 150 tidily summed up pages or less, sadly, as well as the naturally "titian" hair.  Sigh.

Don't mistake this admission for my telling you that the AH & I are actually trying to have a child quite yet; on the contrary, my body has gone into a sort of parenting bachelorette ("ovarette?") party in the opposite direction.  Suddenly, there is no wine within a 10 mile radius that is safe from me.***  I peruse and purchase soft cheeses and sushi like a lech peering at a nudie mag. I'm compelled to plan exotic  trips that cannot happen, practically speaking, if a baby is in the near future.  

***Not that the wine was safe before, but you know what I mean.  

Until that magical realization gradually dawns, just as it did before, you can find me with my kind friend, Pinot Noir, hoovering a brick of Brie, while I sneak around the paranoid baby websites and wait for clarity - or the inevitable "Martha Stewart Babies" magazine.

Featured Blogger Friday: "The Coconut Diaries"

Lovelies, I'm hesitant to bring you today's featured blogger, Jenn from The Coconut Diaries, because she is that much more hilarious, wise, and all-around talented than I am.  Yes, yes -difficult to imagine, I grant you - but there you have it.  

A fellow Californian-turned-Austinite, Jenn works in higher education by day and makes me and the interwebs laugh our delicately feminine arses off in her spare time.  She doesn't post every day, but when she does, you are guaranteed a witty, honest, irreverent, and insightful package of splendiferousness. Before I get too Fraulein Maria (a Jenn phrase, by the way) about how wonderful she is, let's get to the woman of the day herself:

Why She Started a Blog:  

MISS AMERICA ANSWER:  I think it's healthy for people to tell their stories (and, boy, do I gots stories!). As a community, a country, a generation we've lost a true connection to others.  Part of that connection comes from realizing that you are not alone in your experience. Even if it's someone you've never met, there is some security in believing you are not alone. Otherwise, how did Ricky Lake stay on the air so long? 

TRUTHFUL ANSWER:  I am in debt up to my ass and was hoping I'd get discovered all Stephanie Klein/Jen Lancaster/Dooce-like to pay the bills; because there is no cash in working at a university. Unless you're the football coach.  Or a pot dealer. 

Her Blogging Inspirations:  I really had no idea of the expansiveness of the blog community- that there are bajillions of people in the universe who are intelligent, funny, and creative in ways I could never hope to be.  It took me, like, months to figure out the whole commenting thing.  Once I did, I found that there's a rhythm to the writing. To the comments. That there are mommy blogs and celebrity blogs and news blogs and blogs about (Cover your eyes, delicate ones!) sh*t I had no idea people cared that much about.

I started my blog after we relocated to Austin, where I didn't know a soul and needed an outlet that wouldn't send me to rehab. Or divorce court.  Or the unemployment office (sans Prada bag because I learned from Jen Lancaster...and also because I don't own one).  The relocation was my chance to pursue a career change, so my initial blogging inspirations were people who worked in areas I had interest in. 

Of course, I started with Jen Lancaster, where I stumbled across Kristabella. Dingo does these things with Photoshop that would make the geeks at Dreamworks giggle.  Slynnro is that put-together girl I always wished I could be.  

(Pretty Note:  I'm nodding my head in agreement with these blog inspirations as I type.  Pretty Seal of Approval x infinity)

Her Hobbies Outside of Blogging:  I love sports and doing anything active.  I try anything once because I know that I am no where near developed. Every other hobby is learning how to be a grown up.  I still don't know how to properly butter my bread at dinner or how much perfume is too much.  I still need to know how to be a good wife in spite of the fact that I don't cook, clean, or jump The Hubster's bones after a 3-second back rub.   

I'm in constant search of great.  A great martini, a great facial, a great idea, a great friend, a great dance club, great shoes-  things that make living on this spinning, warming globe a little more fun. I am looking for inspiration. Moments that keep us going.  The underdog team winning a championship, that black member of the Olympic swim team, the first black woman being honored with a statue on campus, theWear Your Sunscreen speech. 

Her Future Goals, Both for Her Blog & Real Life:  

IN REAL LIFE:  Personally, I would love to be comfortable.  That comfort lies in my ability to gain financial freedom. All of my stress is tied up in my strain of my finances, so I feel like my life is stuck until that happens.  I should be able to think and plan beyond that, but, for now, that's all I want. 

FOR THE BLOG:  I would love, love, love to be able to have a blog that supports my family.  Until then, I am content that it connects me to people I never would have met otherwise.  The fact that I just had dinner with Dingo and Blakspring floors me. That I will meet up with TUWABVB and I Pick Pretty is cooler than I can imagine (Pretty Note: Yay!).  It's more than I had hoped when I started this little online brain dump, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  

Before Clicking Over to Her Blog, What She Wants You to Know:  Most of the time, I write and post and then go back and edit later.  On some days the blog is light and fun; and other times I plunge into the past to get some stuff out. I hope, whatever day you catch me on, you find something that you connect to, that tickles you, or at least makes you glad you stopped by. I'm looking forward to meeting you!

See how incredibly clever and fun she is? Please stop by Jenn's blog and tell her so here.  You can also follow her on Twitter here.

Note: If anyone else is interested in being a featured Friday blogger or have a blogger you would like to suggest, please peruse my original guidelines here & leave me a comment including your email address.

Important, Special Note to Rompers

Pretty Headquarters

10 Malevolence Manor

Principality of Monaco, via Austin, Texas

Rompers-R-Us

456 Please Act Your Age Parkway

State of Ridiculous*, USA

*I don't dislike any of our actual 50 states or territories (Guam?) enough to assign this to them.

Dear Sir, Madam, or Offending Garment du Jour:

You are hereby on notice that I have started to, er, notice you befouling various celebrities.  I sweetly insist that you cease & desist your body-stumping, childish ways before the general public is seduced by your inexplicable charms.

I never was terribly good at math, but it strikes me that there is a basic equation at work here that even simpletons like us (emphasis on you) can understand.  If this:

[(Dis)Credit:  Shopbop.  Yes, really.  In the women's clothes section.]

= the grown woman's equivalent of this, less the parental unit around to (cover your eyes, delicate ones) assist you to the ladies' room once you need to get out of your outfit / contraption*:

* Are you forced to disrobe with each & every bathroom trip?  Is there a trap tinkles door that I'm missing here?

(Credit:  Target)

= Oshkoshb'dont!  Please.

Mathematically Yours,

(With credit to the inimitable Preppy Princess, who of course would never be seen in such an ensemble, but wrote about it here.)

Legallyblondemel

*********************************************************************************

Today is my 200th post here at the Pretty!  I have no idea why this is significant, but in honor of this stupendous occasion, please feel free to enter my giveaway here if you haven't already.  Smooches!

Giveaway - "Pretty in Plaid"

Am I above bribing you by any means possible to read & admire the Pretty?  No!

Are these recent giveaways also helping me avoid death by book avalanche, hence not so very selfless of me after all?  Absolutely!

Did I stay up late last night watching "Tori & Dean" episodes instead of coming up with a post of actual (if questionable) substance for you, thus also inspiring this giveaway? Possibly!

Do I actually think that the lady bloggers amongst you will adore this book like I did?  Yes!

Darlings, I'm so happy to be passing along my copy of  the autobiographical "Pretty in Plaid", written by blogger turned bestselling author Jen Lancaster, to one wildly fortunate reader.  Loath as I am to feature anyone here infinitely more talented than I'll ever hope to be - except for all of you, dear readers - the secret has long been out about the snarkstress Jen anyways. If you don't know her, please go do yourself a favor and buy this, this, or that immediately, and then enter my drawing as follows:

Rule #1:  For one entry, leave me a comment to this post by this Sunday, May 31st at 10 PM CST

Rule #2: For two entries:

         a) Follow this blog using the "follower" thingy to the right; - or -

         b)  Post sweet nothings about how intriguing & wonderful I am elsewhere, whether on Twitter, your blog, or skywriting across Austin or whatever.  

For your second entry, please note in the comments if you are a follower or have in fact hired a skywriting / sweet nothings plane.  Because I am nothing if not exceptionally lazy* and am likely to miss it if you don't mention it.

*But good looking, not to mention modest - nice how the universe balances things out, isn't it?

Rule #3: Unfortunately, I have to limit entrants to US residents.  This isn't some sinister government conspiracy, but rather just a reality of These Difficult Times and the exorbitant postal rates that come with it.

I will draw one winner at random & announce results on Monday, June 1st.   Best of luck!

From Newlywed to Nobody?

"What's he looking at? Did that strumpet Angelina just walk in? Am I that boring?  Did I accidentally start talking about my new purse again?  Why won't he make eye contact with me?"

It happened again last Friday night, as it has with increasing frequency since my marriage.  While out for dinner & drinks with the Anonymous Husband & a few of his acquaintances, I noticed that some of the male & single amongst them largely talked around me.  They briefly acknowledged me, then swiftly ignored me as they resumed scanning the room & constantly checking their Blackberries for someone more interesting.*  Again.  

*Psst, single men - the single ladies don't much care for the Blackberry move either. 

Before I give you the wrong impression, I hasten to add - I'm hastening so fast, I'm risking death by my perilous espadrille wedges** here -  that this has nothing to do with my seeking out attention from any man but my own personal, perfectly wonderful AH.  Sure, we ladies all generally appreciate - um - appreciation; however, that isn't the issue here.

**Banana Republic shoes of awesomeness.  Trust me.

No, what I object to is my tidily being filed away in the "Wife of ___" social cubbyhole, a woman to be respected by men to whom I am not married (good!), but also marginalized as someone not worth tossing more than a pleasantry or two prior to resuming The Search (not good!).  I absolutely don't deny them The Search itself - been there, married that*** - but merely the skipping of the formalities that indicate I am still someone worthy of small-talk.  Plus, straight men of the world, who better to act as your wing-woman than a wildly attractive yet happily married lady?

***Remember how the AH & I met in a bar?  But how it was classy in our case because friends introduced us?  Yeah.

Do I have just enough perspective to realize that this is a vastly less important problem than, say, the North Korean nuclear issue or the (hopeful) undercover operation to save that "Kate is Eight and Hates Her Husband" lady from her own hellacious hairdo?  Yes.  Yes, I do.  However, it's simply, you know, rude.   We do like our manners here at the Pretty, particularly when I'm the one doing the etiquette enforcing.

I hope this doesn't sound bitter;  on the contrary, the realist in me is grateful for these sorts of karmic kindnesses along the "Ohmigod, I'm not in my 20s anymore!" path.  After all, this is yet another reminder that I am slowly and voluntarily emerging from the bar-hopping, twenty-something scene****.  I'm also told by my mommy friends that this "Wife of ___" business will seamlessly morph with the advent of kidlets into "Mom of ___". Perhaps this gradual transition into the next "of____", as ushered in by the gin-swilling singletons of Texas, is actually nature's kind way of preparing me for total social identity annihilation. 

****Into what - the trashy reality TV watching scene?  

Gentlemen of the Great State, until that next "of____" comes, perhaps we can arrive at a detente of sorts.  On our next social adventure, why don't you briefly remember to ask me how my week & pretend to look interested in same before resuming The Search, in exchange for which I will resist dunking your Blackberry into your Shiner beer?  Deal? 

Featured Blogger Friday: "Life Abroad"

I'm ecstatic to bring you the very first Pretty featured Friday blogger, Life Abroad.  Travelers & photography lovers, you especially are in for a treat here.

Heather is a twenty-something Canadian who started blogging one year ago to chronicle her adventures moving to the Netherlands with her boyfriend and traveling Europe.  Her travelogue-style posts & gorgeous photographs capture the the expat life in wonderful detail, making me feverishly desire to grab my passport and head for the nearest airport.  As we established yesterday, this feeling isn't rare for me, but Life Abroad somehow whets my travel appetite while inspiring me to plan future expeditions.

Passengers, please fasten your seatbelts & turn off all electronic devices (well, except for your computer) while I present my Q&A with Life Abroad:

Why she started her blog:  I started my blog as a way to keep in touch with friends and family while being overseas. It was also a way to chronicle my adventures here, and to help me remember all of the new experiences I have had since moving to the Netherlands.

What inspires her: My inspiration comes from the beauty that surrounds me in Europe. Whether it's strolling through a market, dining at a sidewalk cafe, or boating down the Amsterdam canals, I find inspiration in the photographs that I take and the experiences that I have. I've attached some of my favourite inspiring photographs:

(Pretty note:  SO BEAUTIFUL.  Where is the nearest airport???)

Hobbies outside of blogging: Outside of blogging, my hobbies include photography, traveling, tennis, scrapbooking, and shopping!

Goals for her blog & "in real life": Besides daily posts on life in Amsterdam, I would like to focus my blog more on specific restaurant, touring, shopping, and spa reviews in the city. I think it's always nice to have insight on a city from a local person, and read things that aren't found in tour books. I get lots of e-mails asking for specific recommendations on things to do in Amsterdam, and I'm always happy to help out fellow travelers. My dream job would be to work as a professional travel writer, exploring the world and documenting my adventures. 

In real life, I am starting a Masters degree in Business Administration at the Rotterdam (Erasmus) School of Management. I would like to combine my love of travel, writing, and photography with business in the future, although my exact plans have yet to be figured out! 

What should readers know about her before visiting her blog:  Before visiting Life Abroad, I would like readers to know that I am just a regular 20-something who embarked on the adventure of a lifetime. I think that moving abroad was a huge leap, and it has definitely been a constant challenge. Getting accustomed to a non-English speaking country, moving in with my boyfriend of 3 years, and figuring out what I want to do with my life has been such a learning experience. Perhaps people who are interested in what happens when you pack your life into two suitcases, hop on a plane, and set up a new life in a foreign country will enjoy reading my blog :)

Darlings, please head over to Life Abroad immediately and give Heather a Pretty welcome!  You can also follow her on Twitter here. 

Note: If anyone else is interested in being a featured Friday blogger or have a blogger you would like to suggest, please peruse my original guidelines here & leave me a comment including your email address.

****************************************************************

While we're on the topic of honoring bloggers I admire, I hereby send a long overdue, smoochy thank you to Mom X 2, The Preppy Princess, Princess Freckles, and NYC HIT for honoring the Pretty with festive awards. 

- Ms. Mom & TP, of course you both have long been favorite bloggers of mine, so I'm particularly pleased and touched by this.  Thank you.

- Ms. Freckles & NYC, I'm new to your blogs, but am loving getting to e-know you; thank you so much!

Vintage Travel Photos, Slim Aarons Style

Some people find writing inspiration in music.  Others slog through writer's block via pharmaceutical assistance.  Alas, I'm neither a musician nor a Beat Poet*, so this boring lawyer often finds her big girl words by flipping through old pictures, be they of the family or the famous variety.  

*Although my haiku skills are beyond reproach (or help), yo.

To that end, while I was mulling over tomorrow's first enthralling installment of Featured Blogger Fridays, my itchy Google finger let me towards that absolute finito of travel** & American lifestyle photography, Slim Aarons. I'm not sure what it is about his work - I don't mean this in the "I'm so retro! I love Sinatra! And martinis!" sense*** - but it just transports me to a different, more elegant place.

**Foreshadowing!

*** Although - duh.  And before they were cool again, so there.

Mr. Aarons has made a previous appearance here at the Pretty, but in keeping with Monday's travel theme, I'm bringing you some of his best photos from abroad all in an attempt to distract you from the fact that I'm not actually coming up with anything creative here, again.  God knows my iPhone camera didn't come up with these.  Please see tedious lawyer disclaimer above.  Thank you.

This also gives us a welcome break from my shoppy, spendy posts of late.  At worst,  I imagine that these photos will make you want to seize your passport, quit your job, and head somewhere interesting.  Given that I constantly live in this state of mind and have found myself less likely to act on it than I am to buy yet another purse, I'm going with the less expensive of two evils today.  Positively frugal, no?  Without further ado-do:

Barbados.  

Florence, scene of Pretty study abroad shenanigans (although my version had more Chianti bottles strewn about)

Portofino, tied with Lake Como on my next must-see Italy list.

Athens - if only Intro to Art History had featured more handsome men lounging about . . .

Rome - if only Art History had also featured fabulous musicians . . . 

Lake Tahoe - it isn't "abroad" for the Americans here, but this is my blog & this California girl is going to feature one of her homeland's favorite vacation spots.  Nanny nanny boo boo.

Where do you feel like going on vacation today?

(Credit all photos Slim Aarons / Getty Images)

In Which I Demand That You Buy Something

Darlings, I was out last night "hitting on a new friend" as my BF-EM so endearingly classifies our attempts to meet girlfriends post-college.  Hence, in keeping with our recent theme here at "I Pick Handbags", I'll just quickly bring you two on-sale goodies for your visual delectation today, with promises to be back later.  Not that I'll return with something of any redeemable qualities, mind you, but the post will be longer.

As my Twitteristas know, the chic Net-a-Porter is having a tremendous sale.  Particularly in These Difficult Times, there is absolutely no reason to pay full-price for our baubles, and this sale is another fab example of waiting the market out.  Chief amongst the temptations are two splurge-worthy clutches by my bag BFF, Marc by Marc Jacobs.  These are the perfect punches of color for Summer 2009, should you not be inclined to go the all-white route we discussed the other day.  

First, the divine "Linda Stamped Crocodile Clutch", marked down to $150 from the original $250.  As if that kelly green / azure blue exterior isn't gorgeous enough, wait until you spy the inside:

Credit must go to Beaufort Belle for bringing this bag to my attention in Southern Social's recent contest.  Just to name-drop three times in one paragraph, I hear Mrs. Newlywed may also have tracked down a deal on this very clutch.

If green isn't your thing, I'm also loving this simple "Flap Patent Clutch" ($108, down from $180), in a slightly acid yellow that is both timeless and of the moment:

Again, look at the surprise of this fun interior:

And with that, I'm speeding away in the Trophy Wife Wagon.  More soon .  . . 

Note:  My hyperlinks in this post & others are working, but not appearing as such unless you wave your mouse over the link.  The genius Marina at Penny Lane Designs is on the case, but in the meantime, I apologize.

Prettier Than Everyone Else, Travel Edition No. 1

Being the International Woman of Mystery that I am desperately desire to be, my thoughts turned today towards my upcoming travel adventures .  Being the inveterate shopper I actually am, my thoughts turned not five seconds later towards my travel wardrobe.

I would very much like for you to believe that I embark from long plane rides looking something like a tasteful, vintage version of Our Lady of Controversial Couture, Mrs. Beckham:

(Credit:  FabSugar)

Prude that I am, I would have added pants to this outfit, but - that trench!  That bag!

Sadly, my un-Pretty, coach-class travel reality runs more along the lines of practical comfort.  Unlike Posh here, I intentionally keep the clothes, the jewels, and the accessories low-profile while traveling.  I'm definitely not one of those who thinks she is in harm's way once she leaves the good ol' USA, but it just seems sensible to leave the expensive goodies I can't bear to lose back home.  Yes, on overseas flights, I dress myself for . . . comfort and warmth.  

I know how you kids love the Polyvore sets, so without further ado, here are my in-flight basics - clockwise from the top left:

• "Bose Noise-Cancellling Headphones": (as stolen from the Anonymous Husband)
• "White + Warren Cashmere Wrap":  this is the schmancy version of the pashminas I bring along for my perpetually cold self.  Classes up the casual airport outfit all while keeping me warm & doubles as a more formal wrap while out & about.
• "Michael Stars 3/4 Sleeve Shine Shirt":  just warm enough, but no wrinkling.
• "Merrell Arabesque Shoes":  You don't want to be that girl holding up the dreaded security line, do you? These slide off & on easily.  They're also insanely comfy while avoiding that whole white Reebok US tourist look.
• "Citizen Kelly Jeans": my go-to jeans
• "Smythson Travel Wallet": If I have a few vodka sodas en route & squint, my trusty old Coach travel wallet begins to resemble this beauty.

What I'm missing is a carry-on travel tote.  Yes, yes - I just bought myself a bag (psst - edited the last post to show you which one), but a travel tote serves an entirely different purpose:  it must be able to withstand frisky rounds of "Seven Minutes in Heaven"* with the TSA agents or the occasional spilled drink, and it must hold approximately 500 books and 500 more trashy magazines. My collegiate Vera Bradleys are no longer getting the job done, so I've traveled the internets to find some contenders:

*What?  Like you never . . . hopefully not with a handbag or TSA agent, at least.

• "YSL Muse Travel Tote": This is a contender in the sense that "I love this line of bags and want to make wee babies with it, but unless I also make a wee fortune, it isn't meant to be."  Not gonna happen during These Difficult Times, but a girl can dream . . . 
• "Longchamp LePliage":  I've long admired these utilitarian bags, but they seem to be everywhere.  Can there be too much of a good thing, or does this just mean the bags are that good?
• "Briggs + Riley Baseline Satchel":  I know, I know; this tote is as exciting as whatever millionth season of "Survivor" is still airing, but my friends assure me this is a top-quality travel line.
• "Tory Burch Chrissy Weekender":  This is a bit more logo-y than I prefer to go while traveling, but I like the classic lines and prep handles.
• "LeSportsac Bouquet Print Large Weekender": like the festive print & reasonable price .

What travel basics am I missing?  Any carry-on totes you like or recommend?

Signs You Are No Longer Dating, Friends Edition

My dearest twenty-something singleton friend just phoned with details of her latest wildly romantic escapade.  I'm talking bodice-ripper, scandalous yet soulful pirate on the romance novel cover level of escapade.  After a in depth dish session, she then asked what sorts of excitement I'd gotten myself into lately.

Having recently covered my tedious thirty-something basics - my job (fine), pets (fine), and mortgage (fine) - I signed off of the call shortly thereafter, resigned and, if I'm being honest, perhaps just a little sad.  Not that my friendship is by any means competitive, but our conversation reminded me that my days of calling friends to dissect the man du jour have come to an end.  

And then, not five minutes later, inspiration struck me - immature inspiration, admittedly, but inspiration nonetheless - as I grabbed my iPhone. Pulse racing, I snapped a picture, pressed "send", and breathed a sigh of relief as I realized that I haven't left all impulsive love affairs behind me along with my 20s.  

Readers, I sent my friend a photo of my new handbag.  Yes, handbag.  Because I may have happily promised some 2.5 years ago not to have any more romances with other people but, by God, I'm clinging to the right to love & cherish fashion which I find on sale, 'til death - or American Express - do us part.  

Edited to Add:  Here's the iPhoto of my thirty-something adolescence . . . 

New Bloggers, New Feature Idea

Once upon a time, on a blog not so many months ago, the inimitable mommy blogger Sippycups offered to do a post on her wonderful site featuring me as a new blogger.  Having just started up the Pretty, I especially loved getting to work with another blogger whose site I admired.  Also, the exposure on her blog bumped my seeming dozens of readers at the time to dozens and dozens* of readers, many of whom remain favorite Invisible Blog Friends.

*This line reminds me of Jon Hamm's SAG acceptance speech, which . . . Jon Hamm.  Only 3.5 months 'til "Mad Men." I will survive.  Somehow.

In an attempt to - brace yourselves for the cliche - pay it forward (gah!), I'd like to do a regular Friday feature here showcasing one Pretty reader / new blogger.  I've happily noticed that a number of you new commenters & followers appear to be newish to Blog Land itself; welcome!  I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing here, but I would be delighted to get word out about you & other fantastic new sites devoted to all things Pretty.  

Bloggeristas/os, if you are interested, please simply either leave me a comment here including your email address (if it isn't included in your profile) or, for the bashful flowers amongst you, you can simply email me directly (see my profile for address).  For my Invisible Blog Friends of old, if you know of a newbie worthy of consideration, or would just like to promote yourself and me by writing a wildly flattering guest post about the Pretty (or, I suppose, a related topic), let's talk.

What do you think, my darlings?  Depending on your response, I'll either get this started up one week from today or simply return as usual to poking fun at shoes and She Who Shall Not Be Named.**

**Newbies, you might want to click on that original, mission statement-y post to catch up to Pretty speed.

Important, Special Note to Gladiator Sandals

Pretty Headquarters

10 Malevolence Manor

Principality of Monaco, via Austin, Texas

Shoes of Fuglinus Maximus

456 Why, Why, Why Way

Rome, Italy

Dear Sir, Madam, or Whatever Form of Address is Typically Used for Shoes:

When you crept onto my fashion radar sometime in early 2008, I was aggrieved, yet able to look the other way.  As upset as I was by your strap-happy, cankle-creating schemes, I assumed that you were a trend assured of flitting back off my sartorial screen just as quickly as those MC Hammer-inspired jumpsuits we're just all going to pretend aren't happening right now.  Lalalalala, you can't make me . . .

However, I'm told that it is now 2009 - 2009, A.D., that is.  While I admittedly didn't major in history, if memory Wikipedia serves, the Roman Empire fell some 1,500 years ago.  So riddle me this, Maximus - if indeed the Romans no longer have an empire, why must you persist in bringing back their clunky, heinous shoes?

(Credit:  Neiman Marcus)

Uglius terriblus, as my 6th Grade Latin teacher might (not) have mused.  Unless these insults to ankles everywhere come with Russell Crowe himself, in full "Gladiator" regalia, to lovingly attach them to my perfectly pedicured feet, I am not interested.  At all.

To conclude, I fear your dogged fashion persistence much the way I feel about the ad nauseum Miss California USA World Interplanetary Takeover of Nuttiness coverage:  it must come to an end, right now.  Rightus nowus?

Historically Yours,

With apologies to my 6th Grade Latin Teacher,

  

In Which I Ask for Your Advice

That's right, darlings.  The day has come when I actually request your advice, instead of my usual issuance of firm instructions telling you exactly how to act and what to wear.  Yes, I understand if you need to take a deep, cleansing breath and let this soak in for a minute.

(pause)

Now that we have that jarring admission out of the way, let's get to it - a fellow Junior Leaguer & I are planning a non-League, purely social group date event for us newbies in town.  No, not that type of group date;  I can't speak for the organization, but last I checked, the ladies of the League (not this one, at least) aren't out to join a swingin' organization.*

*Though the visual of such a group ending up at your average League house is a good one; that's one way to up attendance at a general meeting.

Ahem.  Rather, what we're trying to put together is a co-ed outing for us members (mostly late 20s & early 30-somethings)** and their dates.  Problem being, none of us member types know one another well, so how to entertain a group of acquaintances at best?

**Do I need to specify that we tend to be yuppies?  I assume these truths to be self-evident around these parts.

The winning proposal so far is taking a cooking class available at one of our local food museums, as I like to refer to the Whole Foods-y grocery stores of the world.  If you aren't lucky enough to have such a monument to gastronomic excess in your area, they usually boil down to two elements: 

1) the produce and cheese selections are second to few and priced as such; and

2) you cannot find a tube of toothpaste, or any other actual necessity, to save your life or that of the spirulina-addled cashier smugly assisting you.  

In any event, we figure this type of event is less awkward than drinks or dinner, since the cooking gives us something to do while we socialize.***

***Note that I am not much concerned about actually learning how to cook.  We wouldn't want the AH to start getting ideas.

Given these facts, what sort of group outing sounds good to you?  Anything involving a cocktail, yes?  Thank you in advance for your thoughts . . . 

Prettier Than Everyone Else, Summer Accessories Ed.

Maybe it's the longer days, or how I've started to "glisten" when out for a mere nanosecond in the 90-degree Texas gaping jaws of Hell-deathheat.  Whatever the reason, I've happily accommodated the seasons & turned my mind towards my summer wardrobe. Stimulating the economy one weather swing at a time, that's me.

I'm particularly liking this all-white accessory trend; not all white in the Diddy-in-the-Hamptons party sense - although I certainly would welcome the invite - but as a tasteful, fresh neutral to pair with the bright teals and greens and pinks of summer.  The happy news is, this appears to be a trend with fab options at all price points.  

Yes, Etiquette Mavens, I am chatting about wearing white pre-Memorial Day.  I hope you don't find this too shocking, but I have adopted the post-modern* "Whenever it's miserably hot, hopefully after Easter, get your whites out" rule.  Not to worry, though - I'm still writing thank you notes aplenty and generally being uptight about everything.

*Post-modern = I'm making this up, but hoping it sounds impressive.

The Pretty Picks:

Clockwise from the top left:

-  "Chanel J12 Diamond White Ceramic Midsize":  As Holly Golightly might say, this is the Absolute Finito of the ceramic watches, the one that set the white accessories trend in motion.  As I discovered on my Chanel window-shopping adventure & discussed later with SLynnRo, this watch is to be coveted and admired from afar.  "From afar" because, unless you are an oil baron/baroness, or whichever baron/ess is en vogue nowadays**, this basic model will cost you a rough $5,800.  

 **Health insurance baroness?  Doesn't quite have the same ring . . .

- "Michael Kors Ceramic":  I nominate this as my pick for the best under $500 reasonable (recognizing "reasonable" is relative) choice.  This is simple and elegant in typical Kors form.

- "Adidas Wooser Collection":  I will forgive the giant logo for the budget ($60) price and sporty style.  

- "Michael Kors Iconic Catwalk":  A different, more punk take on the trend.

- "TOYWATCH Chronograph Dial Acrylic":  Probably the most true to the Chanel model, but under $300.

As for my favorite category, the handbags:

Starting again from the top left, going clockwise:

- "Louis Vuitton Epi Leather Bowling Montaigne GM":  in the Pretty Pantheon of handbags, this shall be mine just as soon as my omnimedia empire takes off. 

- "Gap Oversized Canvas Tote":  a classic basic, this is my budget pick on sale at $34.99

- "Botkier Trigger Clyde Satchel":  Thanks to the lovely Bama Belle, I spied this bag on her site just today.  I've seen this bag before, but something about its clean, yet interesting lines in this crisp white sent my AmEx aflutter.  This might be love, and I might have tracked this down on top-secret super-sale and ordered it.  You know, just theoretically.

- "Marc by Marc Jacobs Softy Tobo":  Another solid basic from my BFF of handbags du jour, Marc.

- "Target Merona Satchel":  another solid budget choice ($24.99).  As always, I recommend you inspect a Target bag in person before ordering, but I've had great luck in the past with Merona bags.  

Darlings, what do you think?  Any other summery goodies we should know about?

(Edited to Add:  Reader & real-life BF, the Deep Diving Diva, recently gifted me a genuine faux replica of that Chanel beauty.  Thanks again, J!)