You know the "The Kimberlys" - it can include platonic girl crushes, but goes beyond that to a woman (or man - should we have "The Toms" for you boys?) who seems to embody whatever life goals you're seeking at the moment. I wouldn't exactly call it envy - that shade of green can simply wreck a girl's complexion - but I admit there is something of a jealous element to it. You know you shouldn't, but you can't help but compare your life to hers.
My original Kimberly - cleverly named "Kimberly" - was my grade school classmate with the shiny flaxen mane, amber eyes, and effortlessly sweet disposition whom the boys enthusiastically chased around the playground. Even her penmanship was irritatingly perfect. Of course, I was too busy beheading my Barbies and devouring books and challenging the boys to debates to get too worked up about this, but oh, for just one day in her (unscuffed, ladylike) shoes. . .
Nowadays, my Kimberlys have less to do with the boy chasing, and more to do with those Life Resume Points I feel like I'm falling short on - the girls, like my visiting friend, who seem to have that mystical love / work / pretty hair / baby balance figured out, and without much apparent effort at that. I wish her every happiness, of course, but I also wish she could somehow share the secret recipe.
Am I mature enough now to realize that no one, not even the Kimberlys, are as perfect as they seem? Sure, most of the time. And yet - every once in a while, I start comparing & feeling like if I could only have one day in Kimberly's (still unscuffed, and therefore still wholly unlike mine) shoes . . .
Anyone else know about the Kimberlys? The Toms? Who has this effect on you?
Edited to Add: Queen Bee Swain makes an excellent point in the comments which, deep in the throes of Kimberlyism as I was, I forgot to include - in my advanced years now, I do try and turn my Kimberlys into positive learning opportunities. "What is it about this Kimberly that's triggering the envy thing? What can I do to incorporate that into my life?" I'll usually pause to ask now.
Plus, I've secretly figured out how to get that Kimberly flaxen mane thing, so it's all good.
35 comments:
I had a case of the K-last names. All through middle school and high school, this family always seemed to have it together. They were good at whatever they did. They went on vacation together, because they WANTED to hang out as a family. And, they were beautiful. Pretty much, I thought they were the American dream and regularly asked my parents why we weren't more like them.
Flash forward 15 years. None of the kids are doing anything spectacular. The mom has gotten fat. The dad is having a not so secret affair. And, oh yeah, he just might go to jail, being that he potentially broke many laws as the former CEO of a multibillion dollar company that isn't so much of one anymore.
Yeah, I'm pretty happy with my family. Pretty sure we actually are the American dream these days as well as those days in the past. And I know what the inside of my family looks like as well!
So yeah, I've had a case of the Kimberly's, but I found out that the Jane's really were doing a little better. :)
totally know what you mean about the Kimberlys, but I try to use that as inspiration to do what I can to improve upon my life!
kHm
Oh yeah! I thought I was the only one who quietly suffers this because you can't really openly talk about it! My siblings sometimes give me big cases of the Kimberly's. I also had to stop reading the board of the girls who got married at the same time I did because my life is not at the place where they are--buying houses and babies--and I was living in a constant green state. It is hard to step back and see how great your own life is!
Yes! I have a secret (well I guess not so secret now) girl-crush on Hoda Kotb. She is just so well put together and I imagine she has such a great life! Oh to be tall and have such great hair *sigh*. We watch her and KLG every morning so I am always using her as inspiration :O)
I have learned that although all may seem perfect - it's amazing what lies beyond the smoke and mirrors of Kimberly-ism.
Real life and all its scuffed glory.
Contrasting and comparing is one of the greatest things to overcome as a woman. It's as if our gender is programmed to be defeating all on its own. Men don't seem to have the same issues.
There are plenty of days that I lament my lack of perfect life essentials. From accessories to children - but this is all we've got. Should I really be wasting the effort trying to achieve someone else's happiness - or just work on finding my own? It's the latter - but damn if that isn't difficult some days...
Trust me, when I say that you are someone's Kimberly. And not because you are perfect. Because you are real, witty and apparently willing to host friends that are avec bebe. That in itself is envy worthy if you ask me.
Apologies for this ridiculously long comment - but thought this post required more than just a few words.
The comment above captured my thoughts - that to someone you are a Kimberly - and that is what tends to get me through the day on that issue. Also that we ALL have insecurities - we just do.
Mine is pretty superficial even though I'm like almost 30 and have 17 year old desires.
Mine is always for that girl that can literally throw on a walmart tshirt and shorts and look completely amazing. Meanwhile I'm in my closet for hours trying to emulate the Instyle magazine and I never feel like I look as good/effortless/stylish. They just have that thing...
Yes in fact and mine had the same name! I feel that the older I get, the less I think about The Kimberlys and once you have kids, your life really revolves around them and you just don't have as much energy worrying about the K's as you once did. They can bring you so much joy, that you start to realize that your life can be like the K's and better. And yes, we all have demons that we hide from others, in attempts to make others think we have it all figured out.
This post made me smile.
Only because just yesterday I was staring at a girl in my class thinking "2 kids, effortlessly perfect hair, a killer job, and she brought a homemade sandwich AND cookies to class?"
I have no kids, terrible hair, a good job, and I stopped at McDonald's.
I struggle with career envy especially now that I'm staying home with the dude. The benefit outweighs the cost for me in the end however. bet your choices have made you who are are, which is a pretty kick arse chick! I'm pretty sure "Kimberly" has nothin' on you lady! : )
Trophy wives...and all the tales I tell myself of their soulless sorrows are for naught. Luckily as I get older I also get more settled in the happiness I have over what is, vs. running through the fields of what might be. Small compensation for hip pain, but I will take it.
I think we all have kimberlys and that we are all a kimberly to somebody....I think the important thing is to use the kimberlys for inspiration and not for self-doubt.
xoxo
Jaclyn
I get "The Kimberly's" all the time! Actually, I get "The Morgans." There was a girl I went all through elementary and middle school with and she was perfect. Everyone wanted to be around her, she was sweet and beautiful, all the boys liked her. And then there was me. Ha!
I imagine in my move to the suburbs that I will have many cases of the Kimberly's...
How true. I think we all get them. I'm especially envious of people who are organized and tidy, as I'm always one step away from total disorganization and chaos!
Oh, the dratted Kimberelys...Or "Bonnies"...
When I first started working, there was a woman who was a ad writer who was simply stunning. Thinner than I was at 35 after 2 kids (I was 21 with no children), she was always impeccably dressed, her perfectly highlighted blond hair and perfectly manicured nails with her always well dressed little boys. She balanced a writing job with tons of social engagements in the tony part of town (she's married to a local TV weatherman) and just oozed charm and elegance. Plus, she made $15,000 more than I did doing part time (I was full).
Then, as I got to know her, I realized she was bitter she never had a little girl, nearly hated her husband, spent hours on the treadmill without eating to stay thin and worked all night because she had to take care of the kids all day, even though hubby was home in the afternoon, she'd have to write stories all night. And she spend $300 every month on her hair.
I wasn't so jealous after that.
Well, except for the hair.
My kimberly was tall, blonde, perfect teeth, perfect grades, perfect family, always dated very well or so it seemed. I ran into her a few weeks ago. She still has knockout looks. But now her hair is out of a bottle. She is on her third marriage. Her son is fresh out of rehab. I'm not so envious anymore.
Thanks for posting about such a wonderful topic Miss Pretty, albeit one rarely discussed, all the more reason we are happy to see you raise the issue.
Two thoughts:
1) From afar you could be my Kimberly. I have long harbored thoughts, "Miss Pretty is ever-so-smart, and she's lawyerly, and naturally she is incredibly witty, not to mention loads of fun." I could go on... and on... but will save myself the morning after chagrin.
2) I was once told not to judge my insides by someone else's outside.
Great topic, and great comments as well.
tp
If you do discover the secret recipe, please, let me know!
My first "Kimberly" was a girl named Summer. She had long, curly blonde hair and mine was thick, medium brown and in a terrible bob. Did I mention this was preschool? Her hair haunts me to this day...
These days, mostly, my Kimberlys are friends that can work from home--or that just don't hate their job--because currently, I hate mine.
(which is why I'm going to school--so that I can be more marketable--see, I've made it positive!)
Oh... I love that you have such a clever name for it! I have a serious case of the Kimberly's over Preppy Boyfriends sister. Honestly, the girl is stunningly beautiful. I mean the beautiful that makes people hush when she walks into a room. She looks better in sweats and a t-shirt than I do any day of the week! Her house is super cute, and always clean, and of course with her horticulture degree her yard is exceptional.... I adore her and am so glad that someday she will be my sister in law, but sometimes I just look at her and think how on earth does she have so many wonderful qualities with such extraordinary beauty.
Fabulous post, if anyone said they did not have a Kimberly they'd be lying! Mine changes weekly sometimes daily!
We all go through that periodically. But, the reality is that the grass is really not any greener on the other side. It just comes with its own set of issues. I keep thinking I should have had some big career, become a mover and a shaker. Well, it would not have led me to where I am now. And, I am pretty darn happy now. I guess you just need to decide if you are happy and if not make some changes.
Don't feel bad. It's part of being human. And, you seem like an incredibly with it, not to mention fabulous writer, to boot.
Remember that all that glitters isn't gold, and I'm sure you are someone else's Kimberly!
That bitch.
Having met you, I find it hard to believe that you could be envious of anyone (that's meant as a compliment), but I guess everyone has something to envy. Look at it this way...she might look at your life and be totally envious that you are in a more care-free phase of your life right now - the grass is always greener! But I'm always envious of people that figured out what they wanted out of life at a much younger age than I did. I'd give anything to be ten years younger and be at the same phase that I am now. Maybe old age will be cured soon and we can all live forever?
I've always just been more troubled by the glitzy people. You know, I wear clothes, some people wear outfits, but the glitzy people wear ensembles... And are accessorized to the hilt. I guess I don't mind them too much if it appears effortless (like bred into them); it's the people who always seem to be trying so damn hard that put me off. Bleccchhh.
I am so far behind in getting caught up here...forgive, forgive!
Several years ago, I was in therapy (I should so STILL be in therapy, but bygones...) and I was lamenting something similar to what you write of here. The therapist stopped me in the middle of me blowing my nose and wiping a tear and asked me what it is like behind Kimberly's door. Is it nice there, too, or is Kimberly stressing out about the same things I am. I insisted Kimberly was probably well put together, perhaps rocking a Betty Draper style dress (but without the Betty Draper style discontent), dinner simmering away while she read and played with her perfect kids and kissed her hot, perfect, communicative husband when he came home, etc. My therapist laughed at me, then asked me if I thought there'd be a need for people like her if the world was filled with Kimberlies and Toms.
Needless to say, I kind of 'got it' at that point. However, that doesn't mean I don't still have many, many, many moments when I feel I don't measure up to the ideal I create in front of me when I encounter someone who appears to be/live/act just as I wish I did. I see a lot of seemingly perfect women/mothers at the store while I'm toiling away, shelving the same Judy Blume and Twilight book I put away the day before and the day before that, wondering how I'm going to contribute to the bills when my paltry hours are being cut even further. It's hard. I wish I could figure out - and then fix or improve or really, really study - what it is in me that is triggered with envy by this matter.
My BFF gives me the Kimberlys sometimes. She is absolutely gorgeous and it doesn't help that she is the sweetest person I know.
But then I think about how someone so awesome wants me as a BFF and know that I've got it goin' on too. LOL!
I think every woman on the face of the Earth can relate to you on this one. We have all felt it and lived it, and just remembber that maybe you are a Kimberly for another woman out there ; )
HUGS
L.C.
It is a shame that fall is 80 degrees, isn't it? Better than 105 though!
Great post! I think we all go through this at one point or another. I remember going through this in grade school! I think sometimes we choose to only see a certain side of women that we think are "perfect" and miss their whole other side of bad hair days, messy clothes and them flipping out on their husbands. No one has it all together all the time. And if they try to appear so, they must be on some good meds!
I have the Kimberlys often. I'm single, getting close to 40 by the day, not dating and no where near reaching my career goals. I seem to be surrounded by Kimberlys!
what a great post. think we've all wanted the other side because we think it's greener. but I've learned to realize I have an amazing life. glad to know we're all human though!
Yes, I get this way more than I care to admit. I'm not sure what it is about "what other people know/ have" but somehow I always feel I don't measure up. This, in turn, leads me to be more of a pleaser than I know is healthy.
And, I truly know how you feel when you say it's not a material thing, (although I'd love to know how some women get their eye makeup just right!) it's more of a , "How do they know what they want to do with their life, how are they so confident they want to be mothers, how are they so organized?"
Sigh, it's part of life I suppose...
I def know what you mean. We have some friends who are a few years older than us and we've always looked to them for guidance on our "plan" since they are always a few steps ahead of us. They just moved to a new house and had a baby. Sometimes I forget to be happy with where I am and wish we could be doing what they are doing already. But then my better senses kick in and I'm content again. Oh, to be human!
PS - I've been meaning to tell you that I received the dress. I'm working on accessorizing it for its debut at an upcoming wedding. Will take pics to share! Thanks again, friend!
I do and I am calling it this for the rest of my life!
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