You know the idea - that husband types will intentionally mess up domestic chores in order to never be tasked with them again. Don't get me wrong; the Anonymous Husband, bright, shiny sweetheart that he is, is generally wonderful about pitching in around the house. And yet . . . well, let's look at the following two exchanges and see if he might be up to something . . .
AH: (yelling to me from kitchen) "The dog just threw up!"
Me: "Oh, no!" (running back into the kitchen) Does he look ok? What does it look like?"* (*Sorry, not pet owners, but that's how these conversations go. You should hear the poop discussions.)
AH: (blank stare): "Uh, I don't know. I'm busy!" (blindly grabbing for pretextual kitchen implement) "Can you take care of it? I don't know how to . . ." (spatula flourish for emphasis)
***
Me: "Would you take the dog outside, please? I just have to finish this email."*
*(Oh, look, a poop conversation!)
AH: (blank stare) "Uh, sure. Does he need to go outside?"
Me: (incredulous eyebrow raise) "Uh, yes, like he does before bed every night. You did take him out when you beat me home after work, didn't you?"
AH: (blank stare) "Was I supposed to do that? You only mentioned feeding him dinner."
Me: (Head in hands)
***
Is it possible that my own personal, multiple degree wielding, fancy lawyer type husband is pulling the Incompetence Defense on me? If so, I hereby mark these as Exhibits A & B in the case of "Pretty vs. The Things Men Do to Get Out of Doing Household Chores". For any Smug Mommies in the jury box - does this only get worse with actual Anonymous Kids?
34 comments:
This is possibly one of my most favorite blog posts, ever. It is so, so true. It reminds me of the time I came home to find my dog's crusty, dry vomit on the bathroom floor. And somehow, my husband just...didn't realize that he had thrown up [12 hours ago]. ?????????? It's not like we ENJOY cleaning that up, either. Geez.
Yes it does, and yes, I'm very familiar with these tactics. I typically take the time to show him how to do something properly so he can't later claim he doesn't know. It often happens with poop clean-up as well in our house. He thinks whiping up pee with a paper towel is effective...while I proceed to get out three towels, the antibacterial carpet cleaner and the no-scent spray...ughh...
Oh gosh.. Thunder threw up the other night right infront of me as i was making lunch for the next day and it was so gross... ahhhh interesting post! xxooo
Yes, Mel, it continues on when you have your Anonymous Kids. My fancy MBA husband cannot figure out how to give the children Tylenol or medicines of any type, cannot figure out the cap on the Flintstones vitamin bottle, and now that we have a girl, has confessed that he cannot figure out how to clean her "diaper area". Ahhhh, men!
Love this post!
Don't hate me if I'm the dude in that scenario. I'm not exactly domestic. Ah ha
oh my goodness this happened last night to us! We got home and I was in the kitchen and the puggle threw up all I hear is 'ew the dog threw up' and that was that, I was on the floor scrubbing, while said husband tried not to get sick himself, our poor future children.
Don't even get me started about dog poo. The other night my husband told me to stop looking at the dogs bum when we were walking. I'm sorry but I need to be prepared to get him on grass. But I was a little embarrassed.
Sounds like my husband... How he ever survived without me I will never know--not that I'm Martha Stewart or anything, but, chores just seem to amaze him.
Men. As much as we love them, sometimes they're just defective.
Mine tries that all the time, I usually yell something like, "you hold multiple engineering patents, we've lived here for 2 years, and you STILL can't remember what day is trash day?! Try again."
I feel for you. My husband is great about dealing with the dogs but proper vomit/poop/pee removal remains a problem. I have stopped pointing out any bits and pieces left to be cleaned as this only creates undo stress on the relationship. Pick your battles and leave the rest.
Hahahah oh boy I know just how you feel. My boyfriend only has one chore...ONE...to take out the garbage (because it's gross and I don't like doing that.) Every time garbage day rolls around, he either makes some big display of breaking the bag or he asks for help. Help? To take out one bag. Now I just do it myself quickly to save us both the pain and agony hahaha....
So true! I still don't understand how every man I've ever known has instantly had "how to do laundry" erased from his brain the moment he moves in with a woman!
I think I shall retaliate with having "cleaning of toilets" erased permanently from my brain!
Why yes, yes it does!
In fact, yesterday, my hubs sent me an email asking if I thought we should get a Costco card through his work (they are offering a discount). I responded with "sounds like a great idea."
Last night, while laying in bed, I asked if he got said card. His response was, "No. You didn't say you wanted me to. You said it was a good idea, but that doesn't mean you wanted me to buy it."
REALLY?? So, yes, it's everywhere, with every husband. They need to spoon fed, I suppose. LOL
God love 'em.
Hahaha, spatula flourish for emphasis. this cracked me up. In my house, this was the one chore everyone tried to avoid, so I can relate. We'd all try to look our busiest.
I also woke up to vomit. Cat Vomit. Husband says we need to stop feeding them wet food. I say husband would just like to save some $$.
Let just put it this way - It never gets better. The chore list peaks at the beginning of a marriage. Slowly they worm their way out of most.
My hubs only reacts to vomit if it is on something he deems important - like the remote control or the shirt he is wearing or his side of the bed. If I'm mad at him, I'll throw his favorite pillow in the line of fire. That's what he gets for slow (or no) reaction time.
You are so right about the poop conversations. And you don't even realize how often you have them until you read something like this...
Oh Lord. I know exactly what you mean. Our arguments are worse because not only will Ben bellow from across the house that Queen Bitty has peed on his rug or Bear has puked on the floor, but that I need to pick it up NOW NOW NOW! When I bellow back I'm cooking dinner and don't feel like cross puke contamination, he gaily shouts, "But it's inside!" (Because whenever he tells me to do something outside, I tell him my jobs are limited to the inside.
And then I burn his dinner and no one is happy except the freshly puked/ peed dogs.
My favorite is when preppy boyfriend gets so proud of himself and tells me he did the laundry. Then I arrive home from work to find the "done" laundry either in the washing machine, the dryer, or in a big pile on the bed. He can't seem to understand that doing the laundry includes folding it and putting it away.
Mine tried to pretend he didn't know what to do when WATER WAS POURING THROUGH OUR CEILING on Sunday. I put down towels, found our lease, called our landlord, and drove to LL's house when he didn't answer.
There was a "talk" after that situation.
Yeah my Mr. does this with different things. Recently he actually loaded the dishwasher the proper way (I do think there is a right vs. wrong on how to do it) and I was so excited! He'd been faking me out for the first 18 months of marriage but know I know he can do it! I also recently learned he can sweep with the best of em. If only I could get him to prove he can work the washer / dryer. It's amazing that a man who studies genetics cannot figure out HOT vs. COLD and Regular vs. Perm Press....
My boyfriend deciced to do some laundry while I was away at work. When I left the house it was clean. When I came back the floor was soaking wet. He had taken the laundry out halfway so it was still soaking wet. He had not noticed, "I thought it was supposed to be wet since its been washed...er?". He had his "I helped, I'm a good boy"-look. Couldn't do anything but laugh. I think this is an international problem. :D
I don't think I ever saw our dogs as happy as they were when I returned from an out-of-town stay. They would look at me like, "How could you leave us with this buffoon." Sadly, I don't think he was faking it.
Although, one time he did bring one of the dogs to the vet while I was away due to a bleeding wound - so I guess all hope is not lost.
At the risk of sounding negative Miss Pretty, there is no avoiding the sad and tragic truth: these traits are part of their DNA.
However.... we must admit that here at the Palace the individual handling most chores of this nature is The Consort. Yes. It is TWO (The Wonderful One) who is the primary response person to these disasters. An even sadder fact? The situation arises with some frequency, with Silly Tilly's many ailments and Scooter-the-Wonder-Cat's penchant for plastic.
We are *more* than sympathetic to your plight Miss Pretty, and suggest the AH start contributing more to a Prettier Planet, lest we have to send The Consort after him.
There you have it. We send you a sympathetic hug,
tp
PS: The word verification is "POOZOO". I did not make this up, and can suggest it may be a sign from a power greater than we to the AH. Yeppers.
Hahaha...i love it when this happens. Not really of course!!! My hubs has learned not to even try to act dumb as he has been corrected too many a times to know better. The kids on the other hand...they keep on trying and fail :)-
Ha! Yes, I too am fascinated by this phenomenon, because my hubby pulls the same on me. And considering how smart he is, it sometimes amazes me when he pretends to not know how to handle certain things, mainly the laundry or anything involving the bathroom. He does help around a lot, I'll give him that, but it's the little chores you mentioned that make me scratch my head :) Oh, and I'd be interested to know if this continues with Anonymous Kids as well. I'm a Newlywed too and I just want to know in advance what I'll be getting myself into...
So funny!
I imagine it's 10x worse with kids...
xoxox,
CC
Husby is the MASTER at this! Things he used to do regularly, he now asks for help. And when I remind him of his household past, he looks at me like I have 5 heads. Maybe we really are imagining that they know how to load a dishwasher...
oh my goodness.... just wait. todd never wanted to pick up poop or dog vomit.... and he still has not changed a stinky diaper. STILL. we're 11 weeks in and he hasn't done it. it's okay. he'll have to one of these days when i'm not at the house and he just happens to be there when the poop happens, but he just says he gags too much. i feel a post about it coming on...
Ha! The inclusion of children in the mix does, indeed, make this type of thing worse. I actually becomes like a competition. You'd think the kid would view diaper changes as a victory, but to the potential changer, not having to be the one doing the dirty work is truly the victory!
Wow, I should NOT show this to D. as we just had the "can I get a puppy pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease" conversation last night (mine) and he is starting to give in, yet informed me that "when it comes to matters of the dog and taking care of it...the buck stops with you." hmmmmmm
This is just the beginning. I am telling you that hubby will play dumb to get out of anything!!!! Also he is forgetful as a MOFO!
Oh yes I know this game so well. The I don't know nothing about that game. Just go out of town for a while and these things magically get done without you. Don't fall for it. Mine still can't figure the washing machine in our house. Will take clothes out to stay in character. He's THAT good.
This might be one of my favorite blog posts ever. My husband woke me up one morning (yes, WOKE me UP) to tell me the dog had diarrhea all over the living room. He couldn't clean it up because he just had to go make sure the pup (now outside) felt ok. Are you kidding me? Or if one has an accident he'll leave it til I see it. If I ask him about it, he didn't see it. Right.. or smell it. Men.
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