Hence, when I stumbled upon the hilarious Secret Life of Tova Darling's post here, a lightbulb went off in my head; for those of us who have been blogging for a time, you'll recognize this as that cunning little inner voice that whispers to you, "This is actually rather mortifying in real life, but gives me a blog post, so I may as well throw it to the interwebs." Like Tova, I too had penned a "wish list" of the qualities I wanted in my future husband, back sometime around my freshman year in college in my case, which I managed to dig up in my diary archive.
Is posting on a blog, already a self-indulgent endeavor, about a diary entry akin to a double dose of self-absorption? Er, probably. I like to think of it as an In-n-Out double-double; a cheesy ode to short-term thinking (or cardiac distress, as it were).
In any event, here is my Husband List. I realize this may look like an invented list at best, dolloped liberally with a dose of Smug Married, but in the interest of full disclosure I'm reproducing this exactly as I wrote it some 13 years ago, in the order I wrote it:
- Brown eyes
- Short brown hair
(Pretty Note: I blame these first two on my first childhood crush, which was collectively on the cast of "Menudo". Yes, that Saturday morning "Menudo" featuring none other than Ricky "Next stop, Gayville" Martin. Interestingly, these are two of only a few list traits the Anonymous Husband doesn't possess. *cue Smug Married moment* )
- Broad Shoulders
(Pretty Note: I'd like to point out that "honesty" came FOURTH on my list, behind three physical traits. Yes, I've had my priorities straight for a long while now.)
- Loves his family
- Wants kids
- Well educated & loves learning
(Pretty Note: "Loves learning" = apparently I longed to marry an ABC After-School Special.)
- Likes animals
- 6'0 to 6'2 tall
(Pretty Note: Almost made it! Again, I know how to prioritize the really important stuff.)
- Gives a decent massage
(Pretty Note: Mind you, this was written during a more innocent time. If I knew then what I knew now, I'd replace this last one with "A terrific kisser etc. & willing to turn a blind eye to / underwrite my spa habit." In fact, this alone could replace 3/4 of the list.)
As ridiculous as this may look in retrospect, not only am I happy to have written this down somewhere, I'm kicking myself for not having consulted it during the years of dating brown-eyed men (sadly, no "Menudo" cast members) who were otherwise sorely lacking in the List department.
Has anyone else written one of these? Care to share?