Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Husband Wish List

Due to this weekend's fashion infraction, I've decided it's wise to step away from the shopping for a time and focus on embarrassing myself via other means. Any other means. Seriously.

Hence, when I stumbled upon the hilarious Secret Life of Tova Darling's post here, a lightbulb went off in my head; for those of us who have been blogging for a time, you'll recognize this as that cunning little inner voice that whispers to you, "This is actually rather mortifying in real life, but gives me a blog post, so I may as well throw it to the interwebs." Like Tova, I too had penned a "wish list" of the qualities I wanted in my future husband, back sometime around my freshman year in college in my case, which I managed to dig up in my diary archive.

Is posting on a blog, already a self-indulgent endeavor, about a diary entry akin to a double dose of self-absorption? Er, probably. I like to think of it as an In-n-Out double-double; a cheesy ode to short-term thinking (or cardiac distress, as it were).

In any event, here is my Husband List. I realize this may look like an invented list at best, dolloped liberally with a dose of Smug Married, but in the interest of full disclosure I'm reproducing this exactly as I wrote it some 13 years ago, in the order I wrote it:

- Brown eyes
- Short brown hair
(Pretty Note: I blame these first two on my first childhood crush, which was collectively on the cast of "Menudo". Yes, that Saturday morning "Menudo" featuring none other than Ricky "Next stop, Gayville" Martin. Interestingly, these are two of only a few list traits the Anonymous Husband doesn't possess. *cue Smug Married moment* )
- Broad Shoulders
- Honest
(Pretty Note: I'd like to point out that "honesty" came FOURTH on my list, behind three physical traits. Yes, I've had my priorities straight for a long while now.)
- Loves his family
- Believer
- Chivalrous
- Ambitious
- Intelligent
- Funny/sarcastic
- Wants kids
- Well educated & loves learning
(Pretty Note: "Loves learning" = apparently I longed to marry an ABC After-School Special.)
- Loyal
- Likes animals
- 6'0 to 6'2 tall
(Pretty Note: Almost made it! Again, I know how to prioritize the really important stuff.)
- Patient
- Outgoing
- Gives a decent massage
(Pretty Note: Mind you, this was written during a more innocent time. If I knew then what I knew now, I'd replace this last one with "A terrific kisser etc. & willing to turn a blind eye to / underwrite my spa habit." In fact, this alone could replace 3/4 of the list.)

As ridiculous as this may look in retrospect, not only am I happy to have written this down somewhere, I'm kicking myself for not having consulted it during the years of dating brown-eyed men (sadly, no "Menudo" cast members) who were otherwise sorely lacking in the List department.

Has anyone else written one of these? Care to share?


Rachel said...

I had mine memorized... back in high school, I wanted a guy who:

-Drove a BMW (and definitely did not drive a VW) - note: BF Drives a Honda.

-Italian (and definitely not Irish) - Note: BF is Polish.

-Tall & Dark - note: BF is blond and has the whitest skin of anyone I've ever seen! :P

-Kind, loyal (OK, some things do not change).

But seriously, what was I thinking with the first couple!?!? Oh my how times have changed. :)

TUWABVB said...

Thank you so much for making me smile so hard - I think it's so cool that you not only made this list, but remembered it! I don't think I ever had a "list" - I was either immediately attracted or not-attracted to the men in my life, and I also knew which ones had staying power and which ones were just for fun. But I do recall a particularly dry period of dating in Manhattan during which, if I had a list, it would have been comprised of two items: has a pulse and likes me back. :)

It Is Everlasting said...

Oh my gosh I hope I can find my list when I get home tonight... Some of the things I remember are: Plays Guitar, Dark Skin/Eyes (Italian), Doesn't care what other guys think about us, Honest, Will sing to me when I'm sad. Bwhahaha. It's pretty funny to check the priorities of a 15 year old. Oy.

Jess said...

I did the same thing as a freshman in college-- after going through a string of so-not-good-for-me boys. It took a little digging, but I found my list. Here it goes:

-A smile that you can't resist but smile back to
-A warm heart
-genuinely happy
-Good hugger
-gentle kisser (Note: of course now I know that the passionate ones are some of the best)
-college education
-dimples would be nice

and I remember not wanting to write this down, but I also wanted tan skin with green eyes haha and I'll say (smugly as well) that my hubby maintains all of these qualities... right down to the dimples!

mamacita said...

Ha -- I never did this, since I met my husband around the time I learned to write ;-) Anyway, it did occur to me that I need to be doing this to decide on what kind of job I want. Not that being a secretary isn't glamorous enough...

Dollface said...

i love Tova's blog... I wrote one when I was 16 and it was so different then it is now, xxxoo

THE Stephanie said...

I had a list as well! And when I met my husband, I knew I would marry him, b/c of the list.

See, they can be good for something! LOL

Loved your list!

B.o.B. said...

That's hilarious. Next stop gayville for sure!

Maybe I should make a list. Seemed to work for you...

AEO said...

I wish I had a list- this is hilarious!

Almost all of my previous bfs (and my current hubby) have had dark hair, dark eyes, and glasses. I'm sensing a trend of some sort!!

Maggie said...

I adore that you actually FOUND this list. I was never that organized as an adolescent ... would have mostly been, "makes me feel the way xx song does" or "agrees with me about x, y, and z" ... but this is tremendous stuff.

a H.I.T. said...

I haven't read my diary in ages. Well, diaries. I began writing in one when I was 12 and continued throughout most of college. I guess I was always blogging.

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

some girlfriends and i did this on a road trip and my list was pretty good. i bet we got half of those things... but it's so funny how what you think you want on paper and what you need and love is totally different! :)

Annabel Manners said...

I think that's simply adorable. I need to make one of my own! Here's a fantastic list from another blog:


Kathie @ my net finds said...

that is funny! I had a list, but if I wrote it down, it's long gone. :-)

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Let's be real here, Miss Mel. Do I need to be the one pointing out the most glaring omission from your list?

A job.

The boy has got to be employed and earn enough money to support said wife and kids.


Loved this post!


Chic Runner said...

ha ha ha! love it! :) I have a list like this too. I know I probably don't want to see it but I think Mr. R would match up to most of it :)

Milltini said...

Hilarious! I too have a similarly embarassing list--but I actually made mine in the early twenty stage of my life when the ol' dating scene was driving me NUTS! I figured, what better way than to fix it with a list? Ironically enough, after we started dating--I come to find that D. (and no--he's not a sensitive, girly kind of a guy either--just an extremely organized, list-making one) had also made a list of his own with seven traits (like mine)...and the traits were eerily similar. Lists...gotta love 'em, they keep us focused, right?

Miss E said...

I don't remember ever writing out a list of qualities/features of a future husband. Quite possibly because I spent every minute (up until actually saying "I do" to my husband) believing that I might never take the plunge.

Not to take anything away from my dear, sweet, adorable husband who I am very glad I met/took the plunge with...but I guess I thought back then that it was better to not hope for it. I was a pretty morose young thing, if you haven't noticed.

Anyhoo, loved your list (and especially your current commentary)!

Mrs. Lopez said...

Love it! I have a similar list, too. It is 64 points long, so I won't share all of it, but some of the strangest priorities were:

~ Tans easily
~ Prefers to drink beer from a bottle over a can

You can see from my pic that my husband sure does tan well! He also likes bottled beer over cans, so I guess I picked him well!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I didn't make a list until about 2 weeks before I found the man who ended up as my husband. I was 32. By then I was jaded and never going to get married and the list only applied to "boyfriends". It had things on it like:
1. Has a job.
2. Doesn't live with his mother.

You know, lofty ideals like that.

thepreppyprincess said...

Oh, too funny Miss Pretty, we love this, *and* the comments! If only we had anything remotely resembling this, we would be happy to share it, but alas, the closest we came was the "tall, dark & handsome" mantra, something we learned from preceding generations of female relatives!

AH must be some kind of dynamite to be inhabiting the Pretty Planet at your side, that's all we can say!

Smiles to you for the rest of your week,

Miss Madras said...

It never occurred to me to make a list like this. I am not sure if I had it would have made much of an impact. I married my college sweetheart.

When Pigs Fly said...

Had not made a formal list ever but sense of humor is key. Looking a bit like Daniel Craig or Brad Pitt doesn't hurt.

Brown Eyed Girl said...

Man I wish I had made a list like this! I would love to look at it now. I just knew I needed someone to make me laugh and someone that would laugh at my jokes :)

Kristin said...

I was ridiculously obsessed with Ken like blondes when I was younger. Oh and any kind of jock. I did marry a baseball player, albeit a brown haired one. Ah ha. I would love to read what young and ridiculous Kristin would have come up with for a list!

Delectable Swank said...

I love it! This list totally brought me back to the one I made when I was in high school. Does every girl seriously make one of these? Anyway, I distinctly remember I wanted a guy who would be able to flip pancakes. I kid you not, I don't know why that was so utterly important to me back then but apparently I figured it was an important trait to have.

Brunch at Saks said...

Aw I love your list!!! Thank you for posting this! :) XOXO

Lily G. said...

Great list!! I had a list like this too that I wrote in college. It's somewhere on my computer. I should dig it up and read it!

QueenBeeSwain said...

okay- you can take the ones w/ the brown hair and brown eyes, I'll take the ones w/ the blond hair and blue eyes- save for those two items, our lists are the same!



Jess said...

I wrote one of these back in junior high. The result was that I had incredibly unfair expectations for all my relationships from that point on. I broke up with at least two boyfriends because they didn't fit "the list". Then, one day, long after the last "list" boyfriend had been tossed aside, I woke up and realized... the man I am marrying fulfills my list to a "t"... and I didn't ever have to search.

That being said, I condone listing. It saves you a lot of heartache when the things you will not bend on are written down. <3

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