I don't mean that in the sense of the little white lies and pleasantries we (in the royal "We" sense of the term) tell ourselves to get through the day. I mean it in the sense of encouraging you to avoid certain life catastrophes, while I barrel headfirst towards the same.
I should have known better. I shouldn't have headed to the mall after a frustrating week at work, tired and cranky and with a grumbling tummy. Just like going to the grocery store on an empty stomach, such a journey is destined to end badly.
And so it was last Friday afternoon, when I fell prey to the lure of the shoe department and a smoothly charming salesman who caught a whiff of my Eau de Annoyance and struck accordingly. As if in a dream, I found myself handing over my credit card, uncertain yet chanting inwardly, "I am fierce, I am fashion forward, I am . . ."
. . . a disco gladiator diva?!?"
Sigh. WHERE to begin with the problems in this photo . . .
1) My Fashion Fatwah on all things gladiator or gladiator inspired (with limited exceptions, but not this one);
2) Combining multiple trends - metallic! cork platforms! gladiator straps! exposed zippers! - all in one gilded package, hence shortening an already wee trend shelf life;
3) Paying full retail for a trendy item; these utterly fail the Price Per Wear Test;
4) This is money that could be spent for a good cause, like this or other vitally important matters like the "splurge", classic heels I am saving up to buy.
I mean, I'm a shift-wearing, lady lawyering member of the Junior League, forchrissakes. While that doesn't de facto doom me to a life of sensible twinsets - a girl needs to step outside of her fashion boundaries every now and again - it does mean that this is exactly the type of look that would wear me, and not the other way around. Some of you could and should pull this look off without a second thought, whereas I would attempt it & inevitably feel awkward the entire night. Self-conscious isn't a good look no matter what the shoe.
So back to Nordstrom I went, retail tail between my legs, to return the shoes. I'd say that I've learned my lesson & won't be issuing Fashion Fatwahs again, but we all know that's ridiculous because being judgmental is too fun. Besides, what fun are these fashion rules if we can't break them every now and again? I just won't do it at the expense of the PPW Test - nor will I shop again without a nap & a snack first, because I'm apparently no more than an overgrown kindergartner with an AmEx.
Feel free to flog me in the comments for flouting my own standards*. Can you forgive me, darlings?
*As well as for assaulting you with alliteration. And assonance, as it turns out. "Assonance" - heh heh heh.