- Hunting (or "huntin'", more often)
- Fishin'
- College Football
- Women
Given that I'm neither a hunter nor a quarterback, I've been slow to pick up on the business lingo of this particular breed - not to mention their super-human restroom resistance. I confess that I'm innately, subconsciously more silent around their ilk. I'm forced to remind myself never to apologize and to speak up. I haven't quite figured out how I'm to fit into this world yet, or frankly, if I'm entirely welcome in it.
Before you start cowering under your seats, fearful of a Pretty Feminist rant, let me reassure you - I bear absolutely no ill will towards the great majority of these men.* I've now worked for and amongst them for a few years. You could argue that I even married a kinda sorta version of them. More often than not, I just occasionally feel as if I'm a tourist in a delightful, strange land, lacking only a translator (and a hunting rifle).
*And certainly not men in general. Quite the fan. I'm not questioning the gender that brought us Beckham.
Yes, there is the increasingly rare subspecies of this native breed who questions why a Young Lady Such as Myself is in a corporate boardroom. Who mistake me for the receptionist. I've had a recruiter reassure me that I needn't worry about my job prospects, since I will be "quitting my job to have a family soon"; in actual fact, I can think of no better reason why I would quit a job, but . . . you wouldn't hear this from a California recruiter, put it that way.
Today was a special sort of Good Ol' Boy day, because there was actually another woman sitting there in the boardroom. I don't at all mean to say that merely because she was a woman, all was right with the world.
Rather, I was curious to see what happened - "Would the pre-business dialogue change?", I pondered. As it happens, the chat went on exactly as it usually does, covering the required Texas topics before digging into the deal. Only one of the principals talked around me.
I wonder, as I imagine professional women do everywhere, whether that isn't close to the ideal result; that we all just be treated as equally interested and capable. I left the meeting relatively happy, hopeful, and wondering. If we can get just a few more women in the room, maybe we can add "Nordstrom" to the pre-business conversation . . .
26 comments:
Georgia good ole boys work the same way.
I've BEEN hunting...with clients and coworkers...and it was awful.
Who does business while shooting grey discs?
Southerners.
I found myself nodding my head in agreement while reading your entire post - it's the worst, especially in our chosen legal profession. If I had $10 for every time I was asked, when appearing for a deposition, if I was the court reporter, I could retire to Hawaii.
wait you didnt get the where did you go to camp or skeet shooting questions? this post actually makes me miss Texas. I once heard, from a guy, that people only think the attractive women will stay home once they have kids, so in a way its a compliment.
I've only had the experience of attending nonprofit board and team meetings, as a well-paid employee of such (sure...), so I've had quite these experiences. The field was so dominated by women, our periods would synch up and the majority of us were pregnant at all times, so meetings were often spent discussing baby showers and day care before we ever got down to actual agenda items!
Um, I work with almost exclusively male criminal defense attorneys. And police officers. So, yeah, I get it.
hmm i was looking for an exotic life so I moved to Holland... didn't have to go so far, I could have just moved to texas!
LOL. That's so funny. I grew up in Austin and now I'm in the ultra-conservative San Antonio. But since I work for the Big Paper, I was in a staff meeting the other day when my woman boss bitched about a editorial assistant daring to "fall in love, get married and get pregnant." Another editor, also a women, snarled, "I hate it when that happens."
I, the ever sensitive blond duck, said, "Bitter, party of 1."
The same day, I had a man ask if I was pregnant or planned to be soon, since I had been married for three years.
You can't say Texas isn't interesting...
I worked in finance many years ago in Chicago and it was the same thing. The recruiter should be careful. He or she could be sued for asking you those kind of questions about family plans. Don't think it's too different anywhere but the south might be worse.
It's the same in Atlanta....lots of good ole boys in both business especially the financial field I was in and in the government due to the chauvinist governor
Recently a female doctor assumed that I was a paralegal. I would have hoped that at least professional women would give each other the benefit of the doubt. It felt very sad.
Still? Still! Getting the little lady/secretary/only-in-it-till-kids line... so, so frustrating.
I've definitely found myself the only woman in a room fool of programmers and engineers. Luckily, never gotten any of the comments that you have. Fortunately, I do have a deep and abiding love for football (although I was accused of liking it solely to meet men) - but I think having the opportunity to swap shopping tips would be a huge goodwill factor!
Given, my field of work is very different from yours, and I technically work in "non profit" (I beg to differ however, when I saw the Big Boss Man's new car the other day), but, Boys Will Be Boys--especially the good ol' variety (of which my floor is basically monopolized by). I still get called a secretary, or admin. Yesterday, Teen Tiny Shorts man was introducing a new hire to everyone in my office--forgot my name, and has no idea what I do. He's certain I'm an admin. I'm not. I'm actually, really, 150% not an admin. No one except my boss seems to have gotten the memo. Lovely.
But, when a man had my exact same job 2 years ago, everyone knew him and what he did, etc.
Maybe it's because I'm short? Maybe I blend into the wall? I'll never know.
I TOTALLY know where you're coming from on this one. I happen to be employed in the "Good Ole Boy" system in SC. Meetings are quite interesting and cause me to be on my toes about the current "manly" interests. As I say, always the lone skirt in the sea of pants!
WOW, I forget how different things are outside of CA. I work in high tech -- so it's a young, west coast, and Indian/Asian crew. I don't think any one of those topics has ever been mentioned at my meetings. Golf is the closet thing we talk about.
20 years ago California was like this too. I had my boss's boss tell me, upon finding out that I was pregnant, that he didn't expect it of me. That he had thought I was a "career girl." But now, things are changing. Out here, with the uber-geeks, we just have to talk endlessly about cellphones. Hardware, software, data plans, you name it. But at least no hooved creatures or hopping bunnies are killed in the process. You do find some guys, like the Ruby on Rails crowd, who use images of half naked women in their presentations at conferences. Google those terms, you will see what I mean. You will also see that they are soundly scolded. Thank goodness.
I am the only non-assistant female in my office, even up here in the North men seem confused when I walk into the room for a meeting and am there to contribute, not take notes!
And that is why I worked in the pink collared field that is PR. So that I could make all the straight men feel as isolated as those southern ones made you feel.
Okay...any conversation that has my ex-employer...in it...lol...and let me tell you the meetings at Nordstrom that I've been too...are interesting in their own right. Thanks so much for coming by on my feature day last week...I'm so glad you did
Oh, I love this post! I am a recent newbie to the whole boys club thing, having been lucky enough to have my first "real" job in NYC where I was given the same opportunities and speaking time in the boardroom as my male counterparts. Still, though, I was the only woman on my entire time. Now I'm back in the South (Charlotte) and WOW is it different! Thanks for the great post!
How about the good ole boy that approached me in a courtroom, while I was wearing a suit, and asked me if I wanted to be a lawyer for fun when I grew up? Imagine his shock when I beat his ass on the motion pending before the court. I think we can safely say I was an honorary member that day.
I think you have to take the good with the bad...I've been talked down to a LOT by older male Texas laywers, but they are much more polite as well. (I haven't been trampled over as was done in my NYC law firm when the men rushed to be the first on the elevator).
oh goodness, i am an engineer for a defense contractor so that should give you some idea about who i work with (i.e. dorky engineers, ex-military, MEN)...ugh
i actually like all that talk, but i grew up in a household where all we discussed was football, football, and politics (but only of the conservative side). so i can hold my own very well in those convos, and jump in the boat with my dad fishing enough to bs.
and as to people not thinking i am the attorney. its the opposite for me. i walked into the courthouse today and the man told me the family court was to my right (not where i was heading). and i was shocked someone looks at me and thinks i am an attorney. i feel like i am playing dress up and am a fake!
Sorry about that! Hope you are having a fabulous evening... also I am doing a give-away for all my followers!! Have a terrific Thursday!
xxxx me
The Puppy ball winners are announced today! :) You should check it out...
I've also noticed that since I've moved to Texas, I've had to learn a ton about college football to engage anyone male in conversation. If it makes you feel better, my boyfriend took me to the driving range and 3 people thought I worked there!
Awesome post. You have a great way of tricking me into loving every word of a dang depressing story. :)
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