Pets, I just don't have the perk in me today. For reasons too tedious and personal to bore you with, I'm enjoying a self-indulgent sulk today, the likes of which America may not have seen since the Angela Chase era.*
*Is there a statute of limitations on pop culture references?
Before I grow too desperate and embark upon my zillionth "The Catcher in the Rye" re-read**, allow me to divert you and me with a variety of summer dress finds, utilizing the TSA color-coded emergency system in order of inverse retail necessity/ financial irresponsibility. Because nothing cheers a girl up like the bastardization of our great nation's national security ratings.
**I prefer to invite great literary figures of sulkitude to my pity parties, don't you?
LEVEL RED ALERT / Tory Burch
"Please distract me with a cookie while you ply my AmEx from my steely grasp before I buy . . . " (Credit all images: Tory Burch)
"Leonid Dress" ($455): Look how the Moroccan detail draws your eye up to the face, and the waistband detail hits just perfectly to drape over (my) hips. The perfect linen dress for summer parties here in
deathHellhotjawsofdeathheat central Texas.
It's really the back that's selling me, though . . .
"Odile Dress" ($450 originally, $270 sale): For the times you need an understated, but not boring shift:
Tough to see with the white dress, but can you make out those straps that nip in the waist? TB is so good at emphasizing a woman's figure, versus the shapeless shift to which some designers - yes, Lilly, I'm looking at you - are occasionally susceptible.
LEVEL ORANGE ALERT: Ann Taylor Loft and Topshop
"Proceed with caution, taking care to avoid rogue mom jeans or Sienna Miller wannabes . . ."
(Credit: Ann Taylor Loft)
Ann Taylor Loft "Splitneck Ruffle Sleeveless Dress" ($69): Not since my days of being a MILDLY AMBITIOUS LAW STUDENT who was going to SAVE THE CONSTITUTION via CAPS LOCK OVERUSE have I darkened the doorstep of an Ann Taylor or her lil sis, the Loft. Nonetheless, I have to admit that their current crop of brunch or tailgate***-level dresses is impressive.
***Note to my fellow Californians: Yes, some people wear dresses to tailgate down here. Email me if you need me to explain "tailgating".
My reasons for inherently disliking TopShop are legion, but chief amongst them:
1) I never met a bandwagon I liked
except for "Mad Men". And a certain hormonal teenaged vampire series. Oh, like you didn't.
2) I do not worship at the fashion altar of the big Boho herself, Kate Moss.
3) 98% of the merchandise is a neon nightmare homage to 1984. Brace yourself.
But I can't quite help having a crush on this retro little number:
TopShop "50's Bandeau Dress" ($100): Again with the detail at the bust & waistline. Note that I haven't actually been in a TopShop, so I can't vouch for them quality wise - readers?
YELLOW ALERT: Forever 21
"Buy whatever you like - buy 3! - but your fingernails may start to
bleed upon entering the store." (Credit all images: Forever 21)
Yes, yes - THAT F21.
The one that makes me want to saw my heart out with the nearest
Jonas Brothers CD.
With the same 98% horror factor and quality caveat as above,
feast your eyes on these two:
"Serene Linen Sundress" ($24.80): simple, classic, summer staple.