Important, Special Note to Neiman Marcus

Pretty Headquarters

10 Malevolence Manor

Principality of Monaco, via Austin, Texas

Neiman Marcus

345 Shoes of Iniquity Street

Dallas, Texas

Dear Sir, Madam, or Store of Needless Markups:

When I think back to the slumber parties of my childhood, the movie "Pretty Woman" always comes to mind.  In retrospect, it seems strange that parties full of  young girls would be allowed to stay up to watch that inspiring tale of the streetwalker with a heart - and sugar daddy - of gold, and yet I remember that being the featured film nearly every time.

Naturally, when alert reader & friend S sent me your latest promotional email, my mind traveled back to that happier time, those nights of gorging myself on sweets and waiting for Richard Gere to whisk me off to a Beverly Hills shopping spree.  Alas, I quickly realized that the purchase of your proposed boots would involve me looking like the pre-Rodeo Drive star of that classic movie, which began to put a damper on things:

[(Dis)Credit:  Neiman Marcus]

Let's overlook the folly of emailing this to ladies currently residing in the 98-degree Texas summer heat - targeted marketing, anyone? - and focus on the message.  I take it that in order to be fashionable for fall, we have to tart up our current, below-the-knee fall boot options to this over-the-knee, er, tart territory?

I don't wish to be culturally insensitive, however;  if Mr. Manolo and his animal-carcass clad boots up there are to be believed, perhaps these hooker strumpet-y boots are quite the thing amongst our Eskimo friends to the north.  I imagine the the $1495 price tag might put a chill on this catching on with our northern neighbors, but . . . 

To conclude, NM, you are a tremendous Texas institution worthy of much praise in many areas.  Suggesting that I relive childhood memories via streetwalker attire isn't one of them.

Prudishly Yours,