10 Malevolence Manor
Principality of Monaco, via Austin, Texas
Shoes of Fuglinus Maximus
456 Why, Why, Why Way
Dear Sir, Madam, or Whatever Form of Address is Typically Used for Shoes:
When you crept onto my fashion radar sometime in early 2008, I was aggrieved, yet able to look the other way. As upset as I was by your strap-happy, cankle-creating schemes, I assumed that you were a trend assured of flitting back off my sartorial screen just as quickly as those MC Hammer-inspired jumpsuits we're just all going to pretend aren't happening right now. Lalalalala, you can't make me . . .
However, I'm told that it is now 2009 - 2009, A.D., that is. While I admittedly didn't major in history, if memory
Wikipedia serves, the Roman Empire fell some 1,500 years ago. So riddle me this, Maximus - if indeed the Romans no longer have an empire, why must you persist in bringing back their clunky, heinous shoes?
(Credit: Neiman Marcus)
Uglius terriblus, as my 6th Grade Latin teacher might (not) have mused. Unless these insults to ankles everywhere come with Russell Crowe himself, in full "Gladiator" regalia, to lovingly attach them to my perfectly pedicured feet, I am not interested. At all.
To conclude, I fear your dogged fashion persistence much the way I feel about the ad nauseum Miss California USA World Interplanetary Takeover of Nuttiness coverage: it must come to an end, right now. Rightus nowus?
With apologies to my 6th Grade Latin Teacher,