Any woman who has walked into a bar or, infinitely worse, a junior high dance* knows the simultaneous excitement and dread of walking into a crowded room and encountering The Look. You know the one, and it isn't Jake Ryan catching your eye from across the gym, in hopes you'll slow dance at a painfully awkward arm's distance from him.
No, it is us women who are both instigator and victim of The Look, defined as the non-amorous, flagrantly competitive head-to-toe evaluation of another woman upon said woman's entrance into a social event. And as I've rounded the bend into my thirties, The Look I've observed, regardless of American city, goes something along these lines:
- Face
- Shoes
- Engagement/Wedding Ring
- Handbag
Since our primary goal here is being Prettier Than Everyone Else, I generally take The Look as a skewed sort of compliment; however, why the competitive thing in the first place? Is my Marc by Marc handbag, seductive as it may be, actually going to lure your oil heir husband away, as one recent attendee at a charity event *ahem* seemed to be implying with her vicious stares?**
**While I was standing next to my own Anonymous Husband, I might add.
Ladies and gentlemen (man? Any of you out there?), is this a universal thing, or merely a byproduct of the admittedly yuppie-prone, heterosexual-prone circles in which I often find myself? If The Look varies in your town or crowd, what is your regional variation?
32 comments:
i think it is universal. and so obnoxious.
It's universal. I LIVE IN DALLAS FOR CHRISSAKES.
You are so right on this one and I guess, we bring it on by making sure we have a large ring, great shoes, a respectable bag and a fresh coating of lipstick. I think as I approach my mid 40's, it is becoming more about where your kids are going to college and how successful your children are vs. your clothing. Hitting a fundraising lunch tomorrow, so we will see.
Ummm so side note - my bf was my junior prom date :) xxooo
i must admit that i have been guilty of such looks...but i don't think i even notice half the time when i'm doing it!
and i also must admit that sometimes it is nice to have all eyes on you when you walk in a room ;)
Universal. I live at the beach, and I think that between face and shoes you can add real or fake boobs, trainer or not? Frustrating ... and slightly pathetic!
I guess the worst would be if people never looked past your face though ... I agree its a sort of weird disturbing compliment. "I feel your face deems you worthy of my competition ... shoes, white patent leather flats with clip on red bows? Never mind."
I think this happens everywhere, and I guess it is a type of compliment. I mean, we can't be friends with every girl out there, but we certainly so like to check out what every other girl is wearing, carrying and whi she is with.
I try not to always check out people when they enter a room, but when at social gathering (especially formal or political ones), I'm always looking at other women. Most of the time because I like what she has on or her handbag (or even her ring!).
Universal definitely!
I somehow vary from the norm (though I agree it is universal). I NEVER look at rings (my friends leave the bar saying, did you see that huge rock, or that cute boy who is married). nope, never look. And I don't really notice shoes or handbags because I don't personally like to invest in such things myself (I live the late 20s equivalent of braving frat sludge on the weekends and know I might ruin something/leave it behind). And I am more judgemental of faces/bodies because I think I rationalize that by thinking I can buy handbags and shoes when I get fat,old or ugly(though I like to pretend that is impossible, I can defy age/gravity, right?) but I can do something about what I have now. yep, I miss some normal girl gene. I know. but I go around with terribly unmanicured hands and unfashionable purses, knowing I leave myself open to the normal criticism of the girl "look". perhaps I have the more guy oriented version of the look...hmm. not sure what that says about me.
i just wrote a book. sorry! I am confessing my internet addiction right now.
Now that I am married, I notice that I look at other women's rings...and I don't realize it until I'm doing it. But I try not to be snotty, I'm just curious!
Sad, but true. I actually check hair, size of ring, shoes, bag (real or faux), and size of boobage. I am a silly, shallow creature.
If you can lure someone's husband away with a handbag, I suspect he may have been recruited for the wrong team to begin with.
I think "the look" you're referring to is much different than the looks many commenters here are admitting to. Looking at other women's hair/bag/shoes, etc. is natural at an event. Looking someone over from head to toe *whilst they catch you doing so* is MUCH more aggressive and rude. Oh, and yes, it is universal.
Totally universal (Hells Yeah to Slynnro in the Big D!)... and I've dubbed it the EESS = Evil Eye Strip Search.
Always can count on you for a good laugh. What's even funnier is that this is all true. No matter how content we are in our lives, why do we always have to examine another? Is it that we are insecure in ourselves and comparing "us" to "them" or are we just curious? I don't think I'm esoteric enough this evening (or perhaps ever....) to really answer that thoughtfully, but I suspect it's a little bit of both.
Funny, last we visited, I did notice your always beautiful face and flawless complexion, sassy sandals and how dazzlingly bejeweled you were (nice ice I must say). What I really noticed (and was reminded of was) after I was ogling your clearly fit physique (personal trainer, much?) was not only how lovely you continue be, but how much more there is to you. Sap aside (blame it on the pregnancy hormones...), I did notice all the physical stuff first. But, hey, why shouldn't we notice the lovely gift wrapping with its glossy sheen, detailed embellishments and silk ribbons before we delve into the treasure within?
Oh I love your post! So sad but so true. I live in Scottsdale, so I think I'm immune to it now, but it is funny to think about!
So universal. It seems like a big Mommy thing, too. Any visit to a park or children's activity brings on the discreet once over. Never go in without a game face on!
Universal. But, worse in certain locales. Ahem, Dallas... In my experience, here there is lotsa importance placed on the wedding/engagement ring(s). I fall dramatically short on that list. Could be why I haven't joined JL yet...? Hmm. Interesting.
I know exactly what you are talking about and we are discussing this same topic in my local book club right now. The funny thing is that most women will deny that they do it or even that it happens! There are several in the group that claim that they are above it and never have a problem looking, judging and competing with other women. But, even in our small group there is competition over kids, houses, and especially what kind of medicine our husband will go into. Female rivalry is everywhere. I have seen it happen. I have been the subject of it. I admit, I have done it before. The book we're reading is called "Tripping the Prom Queen" and covers the subject really well. I posted a little blip about it here, but I'm also going to cover it in more detail a little later!
Thanks for the great post! I really think this is a topic that women should talk about more and maybe in the future we can move past it.
Oh, I'm a look-giver (not to be confused with a "looker", lol). I do it with men, too. Accessories say a lot about a person, ya know?
Universal - even in Kansas!
URGH. Seriously. I think we're about to tip over here in NYC.
You hit the nail on the head! It happens everywhere - I'm in Houston. I have to admit I catch myself doing it at times too. Not in a "how can I steal your man away from you" way. I have my own husband thankyouverymuch! I certainly don't need someone elses. But you are correct - it's a head to toe stare. Starts at a woman's hair, face, earrings, necklace and goes south from there!
oooo ... I'm afraid it's everywhere!
Y'know I think it's actually primal. Of course she doesn't really think the bag will lure her husband but maybe you will and if she grabs the bag maybe she can at least have something to console herself with. No?
Can't help myself from looking either though, maybe she's got a cool look, or a look to be avoided. I call it "In-field Research" ;)
How would you feel if you caught your professor doing it to you? Totally happened to me about a month ago. I am guilty of doing it...probably daily, but I think it is human nature to size other people up.
this is totally universal...you should have seen the Junior League info session...ugh
Ours is ruder, longer and un cut! Then it's topped with the fakest "you look so great!"
Haaaaa...loved the post. I had to school my fiance on the "look" game sometimes followed up by the "where do you belong" questions. He said he didn't understand how I could deal with it. I was like um....trust me, you can go through this time and time again without blinking an eye. It almost becomes an art. Here in Atl it goes like this:
-Hair
-Face
-Ring then the purse
-Outfit w/ the focus on shoes
If you pass that test with flying colors, then comes the questions. It makes me tired just thinking about it.
Too funny. I've noticed in LA that part of it is also trying to guess the age gap - marital history (second or first spouse) too. I don't think I'll ever get used to it.
From a guys perspective it's funny to watch, and much more cruel than the way men do it.
I think it should be an olympic sport.
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