*And you saucy readers (my favorite kind) thought that title meant something naughty.
One week ago today, on St. Patrick's Day no less, would have been my late grandparent's fifty-bazillionth anniversary. Since I've been terribly busy expanding my, um, cultural & musical horizons going to too many concerts and staying up too late, I neglected to mention this at the time, but it has been weaving in and out of my thoughts over the last few weeks.
Given the incredibly private people they were - Betty & Don Draper have nothing on them in the Keeping Up Appearances department - I won't dishonor them by delving into their private affairs here; suffice it to say, theirs was not a perfect marriage. I often mused over why two people who were virtual strangers in some aspects remained married. I also wondered how I was lucky enough to be related to & raised by two such exceptional, if exceptionally different, people.
However, whenever I am mentally meandering and remembering them, I go back to my grandfather's timeworn saying. My grandparents came from a time, generation, and socio-economic stratum that perhaps expected different things in a partner - not necessarily better, I hasten to add, just different. Grandpa would be wildly amused, for example, that I expect the AH to chip in with the household chores & be my best friend**.
** AND cook dinner sometimes & keep me in Good Jewelry, but I won't push my luck in case Grandpa is listening in via Heavenly WiFi.
When I'm sitting here, missing them, almost smelling his pipe tobacco and seeing her lurid blue eyeshadow in all of its Estee Lauder glory, I take comfort in remembering their marriage. Not that I'd want to emulate parts of it; this Gen X child of divorced parents still doesn't wholeheartedly understand the dynamic. But. The devotion, the integrity, the quiet love - that I can only hope and pray the AH & I achieve someday.
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On a lighter note, many thanks to those two lovelies and blog favorites, the Misses Bama Belle and Preppy Princess, for respectively honoring us (We utilize the random third person for such formal occasions) with blog awards. I, ahem, We only wish we could adequately express how much we enjoy reading your each & every post. Thank you.
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On a lighter, lighter note, pretty shoe post, complete with a photo, coming up next. We'll liven things up here shortly. Pinky swear!
13 comments:
Did your grandparents like talking about who was in and out of the hospital? If so, then we may have had the exact same grandparents.
I think marriages were happier in a time like your grandparent's; a time you didn't have to relate every little thing to each other or "understand" each other's point of view. My grandmother had a great marriage, he was enthralled by everything she did. Her advise was to always be a mystery to your man. I hide my credit card statements and juggle money like a Ponzi scheme, so I guess that counts.
Very High WASP. Even if they weren't:)
I'd argue that on the West Side of Los Angeles, you seem to do it until you run out of money to pay alimony to your prior spouses. I like your grandfather - he was definitely onto something!
My grandparents had separate bedrooms. I thought that was odd as a child, but I get it now....snoring is a grounds for divorce apparently.
My paternal grandparents divorced before I was born, and we lived so far away from my maternal grandparents, that I have very few memories of them together (my grandmother died when I was in high school). But, when my grandmother got sick, it was moving to watch my never cooked a meal, never did the dishes, never so much as touched a broom grandfather, step up and take care of not only his ailing wife, but their home as well. The things that he swore he would never do, he did for her. Now, of course, he would be horrified to know that my husband does the laundry because I get home later than him and am busy as a bee with dinner, cleaning and you know, animal feeding. But, we just keep that between us, yes?
Can't wait for the shoe post!
I think it's fantastic to commemorate so much time spent as a couple, despite elements of that coupling that might not appeal to you personally. Most of us won't get nearly the time together with our spouses that our grandparents did, if you think about it. Not that we wish we'd married at the age they did, but when you consider the type of person we might have chosen had we married that young, it takes the real meaning of 60+ years together to whole other level, you know?
I have great memories of my grandparents too. I have the most adorable picture of my late grandma with my brother and I on both sides of her kissing her cheeks up on my shelf in my room. Such a sweet post. Be sure to check out mine as well. xoxo
my grandparents were both completely different, too. lots of bickering, but there seemed to be lots of love. i love the nostalgia i can sense in your tone when reading this.
p.s. my grandfather had one of those police scanners and he left it on ALL THE TIME. during christmas dinner, while we opened presents, etc. always listening to the police scanner in their tiny town of 5,000 people. ridiculous!
Oh it was a different time for sure. Much classier. My favorite Grandmother, my she rest in heaven, was the epitome of class and grace. It was only after my Grandfather passed that I found out about how difficult their marriage was, but she never once complained and always kept the best of temperaments. In today's post-modern society they would have divorced long ago. All the grandchildren would have known about their problems and we would have vastly different images about marriage and the idea that two people can stay together even if they have faults and differences.
I think people appreciated marriage for what it is back then-- a committment between two folks to create a life. And even if that life wasn't perfect, they knew it was a life worth holding on to.
I'm glad I found you again! :)
Such a different time period. I think your Grandpa would faint if he heard all the things I expect of Husby (and cheeky comments I'm known to make...). Sometimes it seems like things were better back then, simpler, but I couldn't imagine my life any other way.
On a side note, I left you a little present on my blog :)
Show me a marriage that's perfect and I'll show you a ....well, never mind - because you won't be able to show me a marriage that's pefect. My grandparents (the only ones I knew on my mom's side) were from Ireland and needless to say, there were very definite ideas about the role of men and women. In fact, my Poppy wouldn't let me speak unless I was spoken to while I was in his home in Ireland. That lasted about 3 seconds! It was a different time - not one I agreed with, but honestly, they didn't know any differently.
And I knew the title didn't mean anything naughty because really, if you only do it once you're doing it wrong. :)
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