10 Malevolence Manor
Principality of Monaco, via Austin, Texas
March 31, 2009
Tory Burch Upper East Side HQ
456 Please Don't Screw This Up Street
New York, New York
Dear HRH Tory:
Like that glorious VH1 show of old, I love the '80s. If I'm driving a car, Wham! and Def Leppard are likely involved. If I'm gazing into my closet, a small (albeit ashamed) part of me misses those neon blazes of glory known as puffy paint shirts. If I hadn't met the Anonymous Husband, I'd still be gazing earnestly out my window, waiting for Jake Ryan to slowly drive up*.
*Best. Scene. Ever.
Although your provenance does not extend back to that storied time of slap bracelets, Tory, my ardor for you is nearly as strong. You manage to make clothes both classic yet not boring, traditional but also modern. Your clothes reference the past, but are not entirely beholden to a certain era as it is with so many of your counterparts.
Which is why I'm so perplexed by these:
Like, these are SO not tubular. Not tubular at all. In fact, I'd trade you my circa 1987 Madonna cassette tape** if you can tell me why I should pay $95 for a pair of jelly shoes that would have set me back one week's allowance in Huey Lewis' day.
**"True Blue", the best
HRH T, we have a good thing going here. I adore your clothes. You look very nice, if a tad perfect and thin; naturally I prefer to keep those designations to myself, but I will be generous here - particularly if you'd like to underwrite this blog. No? In any event, let's stop this silliness now. Be warned, if need be I will break out my personal, entirely punitive "Living on a Prayer" rendition, because I - and Jon Bon Jovi, presumably - take fashion seriously . . .