I mean, seriously. Conduct unbecoming an aspiring Princess of Monaco.
You know those appallingly cliched things you swore you'd never do if you ever got married or otherwise long-term partnered up? The stuff that newlywed nightmares and Jim Belushi sitcoms are made of? On the level of referring without irony to your spouse as "the old ball and chain", complete with faux-exasperated eye roll? Or starting to dress and look like your partner or pet*, not necessarily in that order?
*Although if you are dressing your pets, or dressing like your pets, you might have more to worry about than mere Smug Marriedness. In related news, please ignore this post. Thank you.
Yeah . . . well, along these illustrious, utterly obnoxious lines, check out what I accidentally quipped to a co-worker the other day, apropos of absolutely nothing. Mind you that the Anonymous Husband had appeared nowhere in the conversation to this point:
"Oh, we did go see 'Revolutionary Road' the other day. We thought it was wonderful, but . . . you know . . . it could have used an upbeat musical number or two and some animated Disney characters."
!!!
Like with those delightful sentence diagrams from English class, let's dissect the various problems with the above sentence, shall we?
1) The use of "we" not in the Royal sense - as regular readers know, the Pretty is quite the fan of the irregular and inappropriate use of same - nor in the factual sense, but in the more sinister, Orwellian groupthink sense, "My husband and I think just alike about everything!! And do everything together! Nary an independent rattling around in this Pretty head of mine!! You poor singletons must be exhausted having to, um, have opinions of your own and stuff!
(Credit: Barnes & Noble)
I wonder if Mr. Orwell could have imagined being featured in an inane post about marital cliches. Sounds appropriately apocalyptic to me, for what it's worth.
2) The snootypants implication that the AH & I are the sort of people who see Artistic Movies on a regular basis, on purpose, of the sort that only play at one theater in a 500 mile radius. And, impliedly, watch PBS only and grocery shop at Whole Foods, vegan organic gluten carb free, while espousing the virtues of cruelty-free knitting.
3) Sigh. I'm just too disappointed in myself to continue.
Readers, will you forgive me? I promise, pinky swear, to only use the Dread Pronoun We in the irreverent, delusional sense henceforth . . . and endeavor to stop using terms like "henceforth" . . . and "endeavor" - oh, nevermind . . .
8 comments:
SOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!
WE love your blog. WE actually both read it (but not together, mind you!). I'm (see, I said 'I'm') usually giggling to myself with a snicker or two when the hubs wants to get in on the fun!
LOL...I've learned to declare my independence from the "WE" the same way that the hubby's learned that what's his is mine and what's mine is just mine.
My dear Pretty, I forgive you. Because, after all, it can be hard to not use the "we"--after all, it is shorter than saying "Anonymous Husband and I". Although, when you two start dressing alike, I will worry.
I can never judge someone for using a "we" since I am that sad person who not only dresses up the dog (the pug has a huge suitcase full of outfits), but I also have a matching outfit or 2. yes, I know, that should be really really embarassing. and the boyfriend thinks so. But I like to claim it is all tongue in cheek and so ok. when I know it really isn't. But sometimes I would rather be wrong then right, right? hmm.
Uh-oh. What about us? I mean we...um, me...you know...whatever shall we do?????
tp
We take no issue with above referenced usage of the pronoun, we.
Most sincerely,
They of the all knowing "Well, they say..."
I don't think it's a big deal. In my mind, it shows unity and being part of a couple. It's not like you're constantly saying, "We only eat blue cheese..," "We only drink $50 wine.."
It's all good.
Hey at least you didn't call him Pooky or something equally revolting. I hate when people use cutesy nicknames for their spouse. with other people. in public. yuck.
But yes, back when I was a single gal I would have secretly puked a little if I heard that.
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