Pretty Headquarters
One Snark Avenue
Principality of Monaco, Via Austin, Texas
December 11, 2008
Department of the Treasury
Attn.: Secretary Henry Paulson
1600 Lame Duck Avenue NW
Washington, D.C. 20500
Dear Secretary Paulson:
This whole recession thing has proved a bit of a bother, no? It must be said, however, that with all of these economic troubles have come some incredible opportunities of the retail persuasion - for those fortunate enough to still be able to shop, that is. I am certain that your geeeeeeenius fiscal policies have had a large hand in that - we won't get into them here since they surely involve M-A-T-H, and my grandmother wouldn't approve of our talking about P-O-L-I-T-I-C-S either - but I thank you nonetheless.
Shopping bonanzas aside, We do recognize that Congress and the like have decided that the economy is in ruins as evidenced by certain businesses, such as the "Big Three" American car manufacturers, requiring bailout a la taxpayer dollars. Being a, you know, taxpayer myself, I propose an even bigger sign that our nation's economy is in peril:
Attn.: Secretary Henry Paulson
1600 Lame Duck Avenue NW
Washington, D.C. 20500
Dear Secretary Paulson:
This whole recession thing has proved a bit of a bother, no? It must be said, however, that with all of these economic troubles have come some incredible opportunities of the retail persuasion - for those fortunate enough to still be able to shop, that is. I am certain that your geeeeeeenius fiscal policies have had a large hand in that - we won't get into them here since they surely involve M-A-T-H, and my grandmother wouldn't approve of our talking about P-O-L-I-T-I-C-S either - but I thank you nonetheless.
Shopping bonanzas aside, We do recognize that Congress and the like have decided that the economy is in ruins as evidenced by certain businesses, such as the "Big Three" American car manufacturers, requiring bailout a la taxpayer dollars. Being a, you know, taxpayer myself, I propose an even bigger sign that our nation's economy is in peril:
When our nation's fairies are forced to turn tricks, as is evidenced by this pleather-clad wonder here, it's clear our country is in crisis. Moreover, when She Who Shall Not Be Named (name rhymes with "Laris Pilton") is able to launch not one, not two, but FIVE successful perfume lines - FIVE - such as this most recent "Fairy Dust" one, we're in a pickle that no 3-1 ARM mortgage alone caused.
Hence, as an alternative or (at least) supplement to the proposed economic bailouts, Secretary Paulson, might I suggest that those who voluntarily spent actual US Dollars on any one of the five (FIVE) SWSNBN scents be, ahem, asked to fork over an equal amount of cold hard cash to our national government - after they read and repeat This Blog's Mission Statement 50 times on a chalkboard, that is? Because automobile manufacturers may come and go, but I fear this multi-scented menace may haunt us forever . . .
PS - We may be willing to overlook some of this if you could just arrange a wee meetup with the White House Social Secretary and/or Fantasy GBF Tim Gunn. Just saying.
Hence, as an alternative or (at least) supplement to the proposed economic bailouts, Secretary Paulson, might I suggest that those who voluntarily spent actual US Dollars on any one of the five (FIVE) SWSNBN scents be, ahem, asked to fork over an equal amount of cold hard cash to our national government - after they read and repeat This Blog's Mission Statement 50 times on a chalkboard, that is? Because automobile manufacturers may come and go, but I fear this multi-scented menace may haunt us forever . . .
Smootches,
Miss Legallyblondemel
Pretty HQ
Pretty HQ
PS - We may be willing to overlook some of this if you could just arrange a wee meetup with the White House Social Secretary and/or Fantasy GBF Tim Gunn. Just saying.
12 comments:
seriously? seriously? all 5 have been successful? WOW...hahahahhaha
great post!
My dear, you know, if you meet up with the WH Social Secretary--I'M GOING WITH YOU!
Traumatized. That image has scarred me for life.
Oh dear. All five? Oh my. That really is dreadfully frightening, isn't it?
When Hank's girl gives your girl a call to see if the two of you can actually chat, we do hope your girl is saying you are unavailable...yes?
Miss Pretty, this is a terrifying image upon which to gaze. Simply horrifying, not to mention what it has done to my inner Tinkerbell. Sigh.
Hope your weekend in PrettyVille is splendid!
tp
Very well said. 5 fragrances is really scary indeed.
5?!? My goodness.
I guess now isn't the time to admit that I own the first one...
[it WAS a gift from my sister-in-law. She can't tell preppy from trashy apparently.]
Gahh. Five? I'm nauseous.
And defaming Tinkerbell in the process?! Is nothing safe from her covert trannie awfulness?
BTW, if the Tim Gunn thing works out - Mr. News Readin' would love to get an exclusive interview with you and TG. (I'll supervise, of course.)
I'm on the fence with this whole celebrity turned perfume mogul thing. If I need driving or porn-making advice, then I 'll turn to Britney and Paris. Otherwise, I think we should leave scents to the experts.
Tim Gunn, excepted.
So well put. And perhaps those who have spent hundreds of hard earned dollars to watch professional athletes make more per minute than they will see in a lifetime might also work ont the tax concept.
Genius.
I'm just laughing out loud, this is such a fun post. I love the Lame Duck avenue...
See's Candy, See's Candy, See's Candy!! This will be the first year of my life (ever) not to include the lovliness that is See's... those little Santas, the peanut brittle, the chocolates and the lollipops. It just won't be Christmas without See's. I wonder if I can get my parents to ship some to me...? Hmm...
I read she had been chatting up Prince W in Whiskey Mist in London - THE HORROR OF IT! He, ever the gentlemen, 'kindly volunteered a royal bodyguard to escort her from the club' - or was that more like 'away from him??'!
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