Notes From a Fashion-y Weekend

It starts the minute I leave the plane & doesn't let up until I leave the place. When not otherwise wildly calculating how much good NYC food and art I can devour in the too-short time I have in the city, I'm thinking one of three things:

1) OK, I'm simply not cool enough to been in the same room with that fashion-y chick. In fact, I'd just as well give up now and hang out at Times Square with the rest of the faux-Coach bag toting tourists (faux Coach, people? For reals?) and just embrace my suburban non-hip-ness; or

2) Where can I sit for a few hours and take notes on the fashion-y chicks, so I know what trend is going to hit Austin or (fill in the blank non-NYC city) 6 months from now? Even though I can't possibly hope to pull off or, in some circumstances (looking at you, Skinny Jeans), want to pull off most of the hipster (speaking of, I hate the term "hipster", but can't come up with anything else - thoughts?) trends . . .

3) I fancy myself to be something of a sarcasm afficionado - not at black belt level, but rather an amateur devotee of the Snark Arts - but these people take tough to a whole 'nother level. This is no shock to, er, anyone, but it nonetheless surprises and (usually) delights me every time.

So this fabulous weekend was no exception, and in between Serious Theater Going - although I really should have smuggled in some vodka for this particular Russian playwright - and dining at not one yummy, embarrassingly celeb chef related restaurant, but TWO yummy, embarrassingly celeb chef related restaurants, I observed the following trends (from my mostly Midtown and SoHo perches, for you natives - guessing my time in Jersey at the Giants game should not be referenced in any fashion writing) soon to be seen / that will continue to be seen on mallgoing teenagers near you:***

***Important, Special Note to Readers: I make no representations that I actually know what I'm talking about here, aside from, you know, not being blind. Plus, I like to make judgments about total strangers. Thank you for your understanding.

1) The braids thing was everywhere - still. Certainly this trend has been kicking around for a while, but Manhattan was the first time I've seen it on a, you know, actual live person - not even the tragically hip Urban Youths trolling about their South Congress wilds here in Austin have trotted this one out to the best of my spying knowledge. After seeing Lauren Conrad do this look over and over again - not that I watch shows like "The Hills", mind you - I'm surprised to see this trend still going on:

(credit: The Hollywood Gossip via Flickr)

2) Skinny jeans - on men. SKINNY JEANS ON MEN. (Edited to Add: I've seen this amongst the tragically hip of Austin as well, just not in such frightening numbers. Gaah.) Just when I have almost - almost - come to terms with women who, under their own free will and American Express account, willingly purchase jeans guaranteed to make your assets look larger than necessary. . . . I cannot take a man seriously who wears skinny jeans. There, I said it. Massive overgeneralization, yes, and I'm happy to be proven wrong here - perhaps if Johnny Depp wanted to prove me incorrect in person? - but nonetheless, no no no no no no NO.

3) Anyone still have their "Reality Bites" VHS tape and memories of Winona Ryder pre-arrest? Good, because by all the flannel shirts and jackets I saw, 1992 is back. This takeover doesn't look as prevalent as the skinny jeans disastertrend, but I saw it often enough to take note.

4) Knee-high boots atop the skinny jeans, preferably flat/slouchy or equestrian-inspired (like these gorgeous Cole Haans en route to me thanks to my marrying the right guy - thanks, AH!). Again, this has been around for a while, but it seems like things are going either in the 80s slouchy or traditional, horsey (yay!) direction. Special bonus points to the few uber-hipsters with the beaten-to-death motorcycle boots going on - can one buy them looking that trashed, or is the idea that you just wear them until they fall apart?

New Yorkers, does this sound about right to you? Or are these everywhere now, and I've been too lost in my little pink-and-green enclave to notice?