Important, Special Note to Coach

Pretty Headquarters

123 Princess Grace Way

Principality of Monaco, via Austin, Texas

September 28, 2008

Coach Intergalatic Headquarters
456 Jumping the Shark Street
New York City, NY 100-Oh-No

Dear Coach:

A first love dies hard. Thus, although we're certainly not the first to point out your* recent Crimes Against Design, we feel compelled to add our saddened, betrayed voice to the mix. *Just to clarify, we're addressing "Coach" as in the handbag line, the one we now suspect is named after the economy airline class due to our commensurate levels of customer dissatisfaction with each, vs. someone who trains athletes.

It was 2002, across a Lincoln Park bar while visiting Chicago friends, when we spied our first Coach bag love. It was a small, classic, black canvas over-the-shoulder number that cost $128 dollars - a princely sum at any time, far more than we'd ever paid for a bag. So enamored were we, however, that we scrimped and Top Ramen-ed our student budget way to ownership of said lovely purse and wore it with such pride for many years. It sits in our closet still, a bittersweet reminder of elegant times past.

And then . . . then came The Logo. Because the growing popularity of the brand was apparently insufficient, You felt the need to remind us at Each. And. Every. Frapping. Opportunity. just exactly who designs Your bags. In case the 13-year-old at the mall now purchasing your wares has gone myopic and is thus unable to view the bag designer from Saturn's outer rings.

So although we get our hopes up every now and again with something quite lovely you've conjured up, like this:

(credit: Coach via Flickr)

Simple, utilitarian, only one (removable) logo tag, in our favorite Hitchcock blonde-worthy red . . . but at $898, we'll just save up to buy another brand of "C", courtesy of friend Karl Lagerfeld.

Granted, you still sell the classic workbags and such here, but we would never know it from the few times we've found ourselves in one of your stores recently. Nay, on those underwhelming occasions - to be less whelmed, we'd have to be mid-algebra class - we're far more likely to encounter something along these lines:

(credit: Coach via Flickr)

Let's take a tally of The Logo, shall we?

1. Fabric pattern, the color scheme & graphic pattern of which wouldn't be bad absent the ubiquitous "C"s.
2. The cursive "Coach" written mid-bag; see the ligher colored, backwards "C".
3. Gold horsey thingy with written "Coach" on black patent piece near handles & top of bag.
4. Gold tag thingy hanging from handle, Part 1.
5. Black tag thingy hanging from handle, Part 2.
6. ANOTHER gold tag thingy hanging from handle, Part 3.

Coach, we're admittedly terrible at math, but by our count that equals 6 separate brand mentions. Handy if we're attempting to send Morse Code messages involving the letter "C" to passing jets, or perhaps as a festive prop on a "Sesame Street" alphabet sketch, but maybe a tad excessive otherwise?

To conclude, we'll still be watching you from afar, Coach, ever hopeful for a return to, um, taste. After all, despite our icily cool appearnce, we're admittedly struggling to forget our first handbag love so quickly. Hope is fading apace, however . . . not as quickly as we hope the nightmare that is the "Graphic Op Art Large Sabrina" above erases itself from our memory, but consider us a close second.

Snootily Yours,


Legallyblondemel, Pretty HQ

PS - Important Note to Readers: We realize that we're a bit hypocritical in our Logo targeting; see our beloved Tory sandals, for example. For some not terribly well-thought-out reason, we find the Burch logo-ing to be different, as we also do with the occasional, discreet appearance of the wee Lacoste creature or Polo pony (although the latter is really Pushing It as of late). And it's Our Blog, so there. As our policy position develops on the issue, we'll continue to update you. Thank you for your understanding.